How do you "become" a woman?

[I Am Paula]

I am a classic late onset transsexual. I began medical transition at 54.
The 54 years leading up to this point can only be described as denial, denial, denial. I first knew I was in the wrong body as a very early teen, and wrote it off as being gay. Then I fought my natural urges by becoming 'normal', I married a woman, bought a house, went to work. I still knew I was built all wrong, but as long as I portrayed the American Dream to everybody else, I was fine. Bullsh*t. I overcompensated big time. I wore itchy scratchy plaid shirts, joked and farted with the boys, and seriously drank to excess. In hindsight, I'm sure they saw right thru me, cause I was a girl in wolf's clothing. I struggled thru many years of this. I simply lead my life to other peoples expectations. I had no life, or identity of my own. At about fifty the GD was starting to take over my life. Miserable, but unable to face a truth I was fully aware of. Thud! My brother dropped dead in the middle of the night. He had been my musical collaborator, writing partner, lead singer, everything that was my career, my life, and my passion. I was half a musician without him.
All at once I knew- It is much later than we think. Within weeks I came to accept that there was only one path that was available to me. Transition. Now, and fast.

In conclusion, I don't think that a late onset transsexual really exists. We cannot suddenly become transsexual. We were all our lives, but the driving force to be 'normal' lead us to be consummate actors, and liars. Denial can cover up everything.

BTW- My brothers funeral was the last time I was ever on stage. I cannot go there without seeing a big empty spot on stage where he is supposed to be. I'm still in the music business in a more technical role.