Parting is such sweet sorrow!

[Sometimes Steffi]

I've read all your posts and I'd like to thank you all for your support. I would like to be able to open a dialogue with each of you, either to commiserate or seek your advice, but I don't have the time right now. So, I'll just say a few things.

1. We all know that this journey is sometimes a roller coaster. We get filled with anticipation on the way up, but we're screaming on the way down. Nothing has changed recently. This is just the screaming part of the ride. The only question is whether the ride goes up again, or if I'm headed toward the end of the ride.

2. We did see a counselor, both separately and together. The last round of counseling got me from lying about where I was going when I went out (meeting the guys for a few drinks, which was technically true, but intentionally misleading) to being honest that I'm going out crossdressed to meet some CD friends.

3. I didn't get ambushed at midnight, as some have inferred. She did tell me at midnight that we needed to talk, but the actual talk didn't occur until Sunday afternoon.

4. For the past year, I haven't been dressing at home at all. I've gone out dressed a couple of times a month, but I never got girled up at home. That would be a boundary violation. I leave en male and change at a friend's, at a hotel, or in the car, and changed back similarly before returning home en male.

Here are my thoughts for the day, after I had some time to process the events.

Some people believe that whenever a door closes, another door opens. Right now, I see three doors:

Behind Door Number 1: Go “Cold Turkey”. See how important CDing is in my life. See if I can handle not CDing. It’s been a long, long time since I tried. See if I “go crazy”. See if she can handle it if I really do go crazy.

Behind Door Number 2: Go Underground. Keep doing some of the stuff I’m currently doing “invisibly”, but don't go out dressed. Underdress. Shop in public and online without taking time away from her. The risk of getting caught goes way up.

Behind Door Number 3: Just "Go" (the trial separation route). See how much is really left to be saved vs. removing the current constraints on my life. At half my current net income.

I'm going to start with No. 2, and see if I can progress to No. 1.

I'll continue to try to check in periodically.

Keep those cards and letters coming!