Leslie, I think you are on the right track.
The way I often put it might come across as a bit snarky but the fact of the matter is that guys are generally cool being the dudes they are and women are generally attracted to said dudes. Blame sociology, blame biology as you are suggesting, but either way the gender binary we exist in isn't going anywhere.
There are certainly men who migrate somewhat into the gray area along with women who are attracted to them but most of us in these pages are pushing the envelop much further and most women naturally recoil.
Bottom line, you wish to present in such a way that offends your wife's sensibilities in terms of both biology and sociology. She may be worried about your standing in the community, whether you end up being discovered during an outing or if you choose to out yourself. Both of these upset the nest that has been carefully cultivated over the course of years. She might have not only zero attraction to the thought of you in a female image but also may be absolutely repulsed at the thought of her husband, her man, presenting as a female.
Given the enormity of these hurdles, I don't see a lot of hope in changing the perceptions of this whole thing that many SO's harbor. I suspect you are coming to realize this to be true in your world. The question is where do you wish to take it from here.
