Wow! I think some folks (I'm naming no names) on both sides of the 'argument' need to take a deep breath and remember why we're here!
I'm not going to speculate as to whether others have, or have not, forgotten what it was like to be confused, ashamed, whatever and utterly convinced, perhaps irrationally so, that to breathe a word of their crossdressing would spell instant death to any relationship. Perhaps that wasn't your experience. Perhaps you've always been as confident of your identity as you are now (given the number of posts that I see from people saying how much this forum has helped them, I doubt that). Or perhaps part of your 'sorting yourself out' has involved putting those dark days behind you. Is it possible that you may have done so rather too effectively? I remember all too vividly just what it was like.
Regarding abusive relationships - regardless of who may appear to be the 'abuser' or the 'abused', the person with the real power is the one who is the one who is able to walk away!
As for staying, some things are worth fighting for; some people are worth the pain and the heartache. Only Tammy can decide whether her BF is worth it to her.
As to whether she should 'confront' or 'enable', I can't see us reaching a consensus on that. I dare say that she's heard the arguments on both sides and will make up her own mind.
Tammy, good luck! I suspect that, regardless of how you decide to proceed, it's going to be hard - at least initially. Be assured that, even though we may not be able to agree amongst ourselves how to advise you, we wish you well.
