So as I'm planning on approaching a talk at least with him, I just want to say a few more things. This a person, who even though I have been with for 4 years, doesn't know how to have a serious/deep conversation. Aside from everything else, and before any of this even happened, I've tried to sit down with him and he's only gotten more stubborn throughout the years. No matter how nice I am, he seems to always feel attacked. Again, no matter how nice and gentle I am, this is the result. He typically gets angry or annoyed within a minute or two into a serious conversation and tells me to go home. I just want to make it where he listens to everything I have to say without shutting down and/or getting angry and telling me to go home.
Should I tell him ahead of time that I need to talk to him and that Its important that he listen to everything that I have to say, and that I'm not breaking up with him?


I just feel like I deserve somebody who appreciates how loving I am, because I try so hard and I feel so small most of the time. At a certain point, I actually stopped trying. I don't go out of my way to make him happy anymore because I don't get the same in return. our 4 year anniversary is in a few days and I haven't brought it up because I know he won't wanna go anywhere and I'll end up picking out my own gift for myself FROM him and my gift FOR him like I do for every special occasion. Sorry for my sourness about this, I just know if I don't bring it up, he won't even remember either. it would just be nice to be surprised for once.

Also I know the sports betting is a problem, and for the record I just wanna clarify that he's not spending crazy money or anything. It's just Tons of little bets, so he never really loses any money. But it's an obsession regardless. Also, he's always been really into all sports since he was like 4 or 5.

I don't know where I'm going with any of this to be honest... You've all given such great advice, and taught me a lot. And I agree that Reine has really helped me and I plan to use the advice she has given along with lots of other advice from all of you.
I just want this smoke to clear so I can have an intimate, healthy relationship with John, with his true self.
I do plan to stay on this forum, and I'm really happy because I can finally send and receive messages and I can view people's profiles and posts. I want to read all of your beautiful stories and journeys. So much love for all of you!