In a DADT relationship there is no implication that the CDing spouse is doing something wrong, as Eryn suggested. Over the years I have read many posts mischaracterizing DADT and then telling us why DADT doesn't work. In the OP, suggesting therapy for a DADT spouse is itself a violation of DADT. There is a mutually acknowledged incompatibility between his need to crossdress and her need to see him as her man - all man - and DADT is the arrangement that accommodates both. DADT isn't for everyone, but it works for those who make it work. There is no implication in marriage vows that both parties must be fully engaged in everything together. We are still individuals. I like the go fish-clean fish example.
