Quote Originally Posted by arbon View Post
What are you being left behind from really?

Most crossdressers are really only held back by their own ego and fear - not so much because of how they are viewed and treated by others.

The issues of a crossdresser and transsexuals are oceans apart.
Well put. There are plenty of crossdressing members who are brave and tough enough to go out in public, and readily explain to people they meet that they don't want to be women, they just enjoy dressing that way. There is no pretense there; they know they are men, don't pretend to pass, and I think some enjoy the engagement--and yes--controversy of it. They have conquered the fear of what people think of them...and they are "stateswomen" for the CD cause indeed. I respect them greatly! That requires quite a bit of ego and self confidence. If that's what you mean by ego and fear, I agree. Those that move beyond that are amazing free spirits. Then there are those that wonder what would happen if they met a boss, coworker, relative or friend in that situation. Fearful indeed.

I believe part of that fear is not of whatever repercussions or embarrassment one would face personally by presenting in public, but of the thrall or inexorable pull those public outings might have. So, you go out dressed the way you see yourself in your mind's eye. You are not outed, you have pleasant interactions...you meet kind, sympathetic people or fellow CDs...doesn't that reinforce all the good feelings about CD? You do it more and more, get better and better at it...and then wonder what it would be like to just live that way? I suspect many self-proclaimed crossdressers are really on the TS end of the spectrum but the fear wins out.

Maybe some CDs will never experience or feel that pull, but as many have expressed here...going out and interacting with the wide world are the first steps. They thrive on living as the alter ego until it is no longer "alter."

What about the effect a transition would have on others? How do you deconstruct a few decades living a lie without doing major damage on loved ones? There is big fear there--and justified. We don't live in a vacuum.

The longer I spend on this forum, the more I believe that most CDs...if they were honest with themselves...would or could envision more. But as you point out, they are held back. For some, the pull forward wins out. For others, situational factors give them pause. I don't know that it is all ego and fear. Maybe it could be love for others, or respect, or knowing the destruction transition would leave in its wake.

You have my immense respect for following your path, but it's not for everyone, and the timing has to be right. They are oceans, to be sure...but you start with tidal flats, then shallows, and at some point after treading water you see the drop-off of the continental shelf and then just abandon caution and swim for the other shore. Some drown. Some make it to the other side.

Gretchen