Is the world today leaving us here behind?

[ReluctantDebutant]

I understand this is hard to imagine, but imagine a world where you could tell women this stuff, and have a decent chance of it being acceptable because women who do like this, few though they may be, would feel free to talk about it themselves, and actively seek such partners. That's what wider acceptance could get you.

This world isn't hard to imagine, Paula, because we already live in it. For a while now there have been dating sites specifically geared toward cross-dressers and the women who love them. Even many mainstream dating sites have this option in the choices it allows. The problem with this is that you usually find that the only thing in common is cross-dressing which isn't a good start for a lasting relationship. I can't speak for others but I would personally like to have a connection based on more fundamental values.

I'm sorry so many of you don't see the benefits of being out has had for the broader LGBT community. I think it's kind of sad that some of you who do know those benefits deny them for whatever reasons you have. But look, it's your lives. If you think staying hidden, conforming to a world with standards that don't really seem to fit people like you, is the way of the future, then I guess you aren't being left behind. If you think gays and lesbians were MUCH better off in the closet, if you think anti-crossdressing laws were THE BOMB, then maybe all this coming out stuff is really a terrible idea. Maybe you have fun hiding? That wasn't my experience, but hey, that's just me.

This is such a false dichotomy I do not know where to begin. The fact that many cross-dressers feel comfortable not being out means they prefer gays and lesbians in the closet and anti-crossdressing laws? Or perhaps these cross-dressers are just making personal decisions tailored to their own life and can be quite happy for other cross-dressers who make different decisions? They can simply enjoy a world where the can come out if they choose but just happen not to choose? Maybe many of us do in fact have fun "hiding" as you put it. It doesn't have to be your experience and we all know it's not just you. There are plenty of examples of CDs and TSs who are out and about having a good time. They will be followed by those still "hiding" who care to.

Oh - and for those of you who think I do this for some type of self-aggrandizement? The only way you'll get rid of someone like me who you perceive to be a self-serving fool who talks about your issues to serve their own purposes is to stand up and speak for yourselves. Otherwise, you're left with people like me doing it for you, for whatever reasons we might choose to do it. You're WELCOME! :D

Note: Still not seeing a denial of the self-aggrandizing

Could someone please enlighten me as to the oppression that cross-dressers like myself are supposedly under? What about myself am I to speak up about? To whom do I need to be speaking to? And why should they care? Wouldn't cross-dressers issues come up organically in the cross-dresser community? Wouldn't this thread be pointless if there was a real universal feeling among cross-dressers of oppression? We wouldn't need to be told by outside elements that we to rally and start a movement. We would be speaking for ourselves already. We should just be happy we don't live in such a dire situation. Sure we have a few problems but they are mostly small and individual. I don't think the CD community is likely to submit to an injustice being perpetrated on it. I give it more credit then that.

If you are interested in why I care about CDs at all, the actual reason is very simple. A number of folks who identify as CDs now are, in fact, trans women. That certainly was my experience. Some number of them die rather than come out and be their true selves. The culture of secrecy some of y'all seem to be promoting kills people. It also makes certain aspects of your lives less pleasant, in my opinion. The inability to tell who's a CD and who's a transsexual, until that person transitions, means that some people like me are ensconced amongst your highly closeted ranks. The ones who can't get past the shame to come out and transition often have really terrible endings. And that I cannot abide. I will also add that I've talked to a great many of you. Very few of you seem terribly happy, and quite a number seem pretty miserable. I hate that, and it makes me hope for changes that would better your lives. Really I hope and pray for changes that will better ALL of our lives.

I haven't seen anyone promote a culture of secrecy and certainly not one that kills people. No one has advocated that all cross-dressers have to stay in the closet just that cross-dressers who do stay closeted aren't cowards, letting down the community, and I guess now not responsible for the deaths of closeted TS. Sure secrecy can make some of life's aspects less pleasant, most trade offs do. Marriage takes away the pleasantries of bachelorhood but you gain companionship in return. Charity take away extra time and or money away but gives back in other ways. Tradeoffs are just a part of life you have to trust a person to know best what tradeoffs are good for their life. Yeah cross-dressing can make one feel bad especially someone like me who wants to look like a cross between Christina Hendricks and Sofia Vergara but I look like a cross between Rick Moranis and Danny DeVito. To be honest you don't sound happy yourself, Paula, and you transitioned. What can we gather from that? Not much You really can't judge a person by how they write about a single aspect of their lives on such message board as this without knowing more about their lives. Your wife hates your cross-dressing write about it on Crossdressers.com you went out in your new 40' boat and caught a 400lb marlin you go write about it Sportsfisher.com.

We all hope for better lives but it is up to ourselves to make it better.