You hide health issues from your spouse? OMG. Very few parents are disappointed in their children. You hide your golf score...man that right there is reason for divorce.
Honestly the majority of your list effects YOU not your SO. And some what you say you hide that effect syour SO are just as bad as hiding your crossdresing. OH yeah, we don't reveal everything to our spouses. We don't reveal all our past to our spouses. That is understandable HOWEVER, and [put yourself in the other side of this too, things that DO effect your spouse should be part of their life...But you know what? Lying to your wife will get you that freedom you want. You over drink and hide it? You're gone from my life. You over eat and hide it? I will try and help you stop but you have to let me have that chance. Your SO cannot support you if you aren't open. Consider something you don't like or understand that your SO may do...let's choose drinking for fun. Wouldn't you like to know before they die in a accident? Go to Jail? Die of liver failure? Now I am in no way comparing being TG with compulsive self destructive disorders, but there are things, especially when you "know" your wife won't like that you have to suck it up and quit or accept the fact that when (yes WHEN) they find out, you are going to catch wrath, hate, fear, anger and loneliness like you never felt before. I have been on here 7 years. One of the first arguments when I joined was this argument. I was accused of being a liar by association because I was TG. Now I am not a saint, trust me, I have done things I wish I could take back in my marriage. No marriage is perfect. But when you lose TRUST, you lose the whole marriage. I used to compare it to the foundation of a house. When you meet, you have a plot of land. You start with a foundation, you build on that. Children, finances, love. But one secret from your spouse, like crossdressing, weakens that foundation.
Trust takes years to build and seconds to lose. And when you lose it you have to start from square one....and rebuild for years again. It will never be as strong though. I pray none of you lose that trust. I have been in the situation where I lost trust in someone. 5 years later I am getting over it but it will be there forever. You will NEVER feel a pain in your heart worse than that.
thanks for taking that TOTALLY out of context Miss. Let me rephrase since you must not understand what I said. I thought she didn't know. I wasn't dressing behind her back. SHE saw that I was looking at women's clothing and SHE is the one who brought me out. Could it have destroyed MY relationship? Probably not because she was an incredible woman. But at that point neither one of us knew what would happen. Had she not been perceptive who knows? 5 years later when she walked in on me in heels and a teddy....?Originally Posted by sometimes_miss
The "small difference" was SHE was the one who initiated the conversation.
I don't understand how you all here think dressing isn't a big deal. If it wasn't a big deal YOU WOULD NOT HIDE IT...NO? So if it's a big deal to you, it's a big deal to her.
seven years. seven years of this same argument. seven years of seeing X number of people come here and bemoan how their SO found out, how she threw them out, how they don't get why she would do that because after it it didn't effect her. How now they either have to give up dressing or live their lives alone. Seven years of seeing people post here that if you have the chance, telling EARLIER rather than later hurts a lot less in the long run. How many women will work a compromise if they get the chance to be involved. Do you all not read what the GGs have posted? The dressing isn't the issue...it's the loss of trust.
OK I give up. Next week there will be a thread about some poor soul who got caught.
