Hmm, respond or not.. tick tock, hit the reply button..
thanks for the execellent read all, I have to comment here too

Ceera, thanks so much for your first post, that was a 90% match of what I would have written.. slighty strange even to find a match so close to mine.
we split up a bit on your second post, but I might be able to add atleast some info to your text.

So I've only discovered Tara lurking in the background a few months ago, and coming here was an excellent decision, piecing back bits of puzzle talking and reading has at least put my mind at ease that it's not just something I was curious for, but simply put in a wrong tick-box for years.

I don't identify with a man who wants to look female either, just judging by the amount of messages I sent out with hugs/kisses/sweetie/hun etc. whilst not even slightly looking fem.
Nor do I feel as a woman trapped in a male body, I'm quite happy to look at the mirror image of both faces and say "hey you, you look great".

I have however for many years thought my femine side was due to my bi-sexuality, and there is a shoppinglist of clues I simply ticked off as "bi".
Only recently realising that shopping, makeup, conversation etc. it CAN turn me on, but 9 out of 10 times it is not sexual at all.
Which in retrospect wisdom I should have known as even my bi side is prodominantly domminant and not passive.

Like Ceera mentions (and thanks so much for this, I totally forgot I had once quite actively done this), I too have roleplayed as a female.. the internet was new (92-93) and at age 16-17 there were several IRC chat channels I was in as female.
Ok, sure.. I'll admit to some flirting and sexual tension, but 95% it was 'clean' and what teen doesn't enjoy a bit of flirting

As much as I adore TS, and sure a part desires being a complete woman, changing sex from M to F wouldn't fit.. I enjoy both too much, so shapeshifting
Remember "I dream of Jeannie"? The very best childhood dreams were being able to fly.. the second best were having Jeannie power to blink my eyes and switch gender!

.....

Ceera, to add to your second post ;

I can follow why you mention on MPD (and interesting enough my father was the male part of a m/f twin according to my grandmother with the girl dying in labour).
But here we don't align.. I have a constant basic mindset if you will which (symbolicly speaking) I choose to hang centre-left or centre-right.. not left or right.

Tara isn't younger either, although as Tara I am far less experienced, so enclined to seek out new things.
And sure, being Tara enables a more playfull side too, but lets not forget default m/f differences.., just compared to business clothing.. there's a limited amount of male clothing choices, where the female wardrobe can be endlessly mixed and matched.

As for bravery.. hmm, I am lucky to have found confidence and change my life years ago.
So no big differences there, perhaps as Tara I am a bit more direct, but most likely due to catching up, where as certain things in male mode are 'been there, done that'.

But then again, I do share a very similar experience, and yes I do aknowledge that led to some serious denial issues and even homophobia for some years.
Having asked myself the question for years "did these events shape my mind, or even make me the way I am now?"..
I figured out years ago it's a simple "no" -> but it did mess me up and is most likely why Tara was hidden for 20-30 years.
Age 20-25 seemed to take forever, and accepting my bi-sexuality eventually had consumed so much energy, I guess also some overcompensation (hurray world I am bi-sexual) so my mind attributed girlie features or thoughts to being bi-sexual to confirm being bi.
such a pitty I wasted years, but perhaps good, as 25 -> 30 were awesome in confidence building.

So how do I see it.. well, almost like I see bi-sexuality.. it's just a door in my brain opened because I found a key and used it.
Perhaps simply put ; it's like eating/drinking something new and deciding yes, this was nice, let's have some more next time too.
ps, I actually try food I don't like atleast once a year.. since tastebuds changed over the years, it's always intertaining to try

x Tara