So I kinda get the vibe of "I will never find someone to have sex with that I can trust with my innermost secrets, thus it is easier to ask forgiveness instead of permission and in the long run I will at least be getting sex sometimes. I mean she has secrets like who was that guy she dated 3 years before I met her and she probably had sex with her college roommate, right? So I don't trust her, she shouldn't trust me. So what about the plan in life she has built up in her mind? The white picket fence, 2.3 kids and the golden retriever? She has all the information she needs to be happy. After all, what I do when she isn't around shouldn't bother her. It is none of her business as long as I bring home money. Why should she know? I don't want her to lose faith in me because of this. And if she finds out later, after 2.3 kids and a mortgage, so what? She can't go anywhere after that because she won't find anyone. Yeah, I'll keep this quiet, we'll have sex, we'll (she) will make plans for when we grow old...It doesn't matter." and then strangely when it comes out it does matter.
She sees her world crumbling around her. What will she do now? OMG, he's gay! Who knows what he has brought home? And my clothes...the clothes I wear to excite him...it wasn't me that excited him, it was my panties. He doesn't need me. OH no! what if he wants to be a woman? I can't have that with my parents, they will think he's crazy. When we were making love, was it me he wanted? Or was it something else? I don't turn him on! Oh and those nights he said he was working late...he was probably flouncing at that gay bar and kissing men and...how can I trust him ever again?
Not telling before marriage is selfish. I have said it before. YOU ARE SELFISH. You don't care about the SOs feelings or believe she mature enough(smart enough?) to make up her own mind. Meh, it's like buying a car, you don't need to know the accident happened. After all the frame is almost straight.
Those of you who are married and have been, I wish you all the luck in the world because the longer you are with someone the deeper the cut when you feel betrayed.
It takes a long time to built trust and seconds to destroy it and a lifetime to start rebuilding it
