Reine, perhaps this discussion is going to be very helpful for some of the people who are new to all this. Firstly I do agree that we are all different. Secondly and importantly, I think perhaps you don't quite understand the nature of the CD fantasy in my case. At the age I met my wife i had maybe 3 or 4 fantasies one of which was putting on items of female clothing. At this stage that fantasy was really not a big deal. I was not in denial of some future feelings, it was just one of 3 or 4 things that turned me on. The idea that it may one day evolve into more did not cross my mind. Over the next 15 or so years i did not spend anytime analysing why I felt turned on by putting on an item of female clothing, it was really a VERY minor thing.

At no stage over those years did the desire to dress increase, as there was never any desire at all. A fantasy is not a desire, as you know fantasies are often things we can't do and to stress again I was not in some kind of denial, there was nothing to deny, I accepted my fantasy from the get go.

See you seem to think that there is a point A and a route to point B, that may well be the case for some, for others it does not work that way. Without repeating my lifestory again in detail. Literally overnight suddenly at age around 40 Becky emerged, I jumped from A to B or C with no known reason, no logical explanation it just happened. The sexual side disappeared totally as I developed intense feelings of needing to dress, etc etc. At no stage in my life have I ever been ashamed of who I am (in fact the opposite) I have never been in denial, I welcomed Becky as part of me.

My reasons for starting this thread were very simple, so provide some balance to the ongoing and various discussions about telling or not telling. Unlike many on here I do not have an agender with regards to whether people should tell or should not. As you would know there are a lot of strong and influential voices on here that push a strong line that one should always tell your SO. I fear that some people come to this forum and perhaps are influenced by some strong voices. I am simply saying that it is never that simple. Each relationship is unique and there are countless variations in the people that post on here and that in many cases telling is the best thing to do for all involved but that for others it is not the right thing to do.

As for myself I am very comfortable with where I am and what I have shared with my wife and what I have chosen not to share. I have made my decision based on my marriage, my situation and more than anything I have taken my wife's feelings into account, its not just about me.