I would disagree with Tracii. Just because she's less physically attracted to you the more feminine you make youself doesn't necessarily mean she's transphobic.
I'm in a somewhat similar situation. My own wife has made it clear that she's not really sexually attracted to me when I'm en femme, which I can live with and respect, but I think the feelings of loss of attraction scared her a bit too. She was finally able to reconcile her own emotions that she was able to understand that even though she wasn't attracted to me at times, she still loved me the same.
We also compromise. For example she hates me clean shaven and prefers stubble, so I'll shave on days I get dressed and go out, and the rest of the week I'll let the stubble grow back. Just like everything else in marriage you have to find a balance between your needs. You do need to take things slow. I sense a lot of uncertainty from you about your own identity. This is normal, but if you're not even sure how these aspects of yourself fit into your life, imagine how tenuous the situation must feel for your wife. You're going through a journey right now and she doesn't even know if you'll be the same person she fell in love with at the end of that journey.
The best you can do is simply include her in your journey as much as she is comfortable with, take it SLOW, and respect her wishes when she says slow down or stop. It sounds like she's trying her best and I'll bet that she won't make those requests lightly. Your marriage and your identity are two different balls that you're juggling right now, and it's going to take a lot of work to keep both balls in the air. It's hard work and can take a toll emotionally and mentally, but when you can get it to work it's totally worth it.
