I don't know where to go from here.

[Teresa]

Elizabeth,
First question is your wife prepared to have joint visits to your therapist ? Assuming your therapist is also dealing with your CDing/gender issues.

Some say you are rushing the situation, maybe you are but most of us have been in the situation of taking one step forward and two steps back . Our wives/partners are all different some will accept certain aspects while others won't so it's hard to give exact advice on that , my wife didn't even notice my shaved legs until she nagged me to put some shorts on then i had to point out my hair had been shaved off. She wasn't happy ut never asked me to stop, now she doesn't take any notice , my family and grandchildren have all seen them and there hasn't been a problem . The odd thing is neither of my brother in laws have hairy legs but no one questions their manhood, if you had little or no hair naturally would you wife have refused to marry you ?

The regrets about coming out is a difficult one, not to say anything means you continue to lie and deceive her until the day she finds out so which situation is the worse one to live with ? It's a no win situation apart from you are on the road to understanding and accepting yourself , some can comfortably live in the closet but to me it was like solitary confinement eventually the cork had to burst to relieve the suppression . I fully understand your comment about the feeling of closeness . One question on that point is do you or did you share your wife's clothes ? To me it was a very intimate feeling , my wife thought I only wanted her for her clothes but the sharing brought a closeness . I've since found that that it is all to do with AGP, (Autogynephilia, which means to love oneself as a woman ) , unlike you I'm not bisexual , I'm OK with normal relationships with women but the dressing brings my female side into it with a heightened attraction, I describe as feeling like a male lesbian , it's not an accepted term but that's how it feels inside.

You must try and be open and honest with your therapist as possible, they can only guide you through this by knowing all the aspects even your dreams can play a part , I recounted my long term dreams from childhood when my CDing first started and it did help with my gender counsellors suggestions .

It is unfortunate in my case but after 43 years of marriage we are going to separate , after my counselling we realised the gap between my needs and my wife's acceptance level is too great , we tried to work with a compromise but since going out socially we both concluded I need to dress more than she is prepared to accept.

Many wives can come round given time , I'm surprised how many accompany their CDing partners to my social meetings, so please don't give up and never say never ! I never believed I would ever be out to the World but it has happened and I do feel comfortable with it and does feel good . My wife and children know and are OK about it but it has meant living apart but amicably so .