The only personal experience that i have in this is what worked for me. I knew that I was transgender, I knew that dressing was important to me, I also wanted a partner. So, I actively set out looking for an accepting partner. For me it wasn't a case of meeting a girl, falling in love and hoping they were accepting, I wanted to tilt the odds in my favour. It was a case of meeting a girl and finding out, in non obvious ways what their attitude to having a transgender partner would be. Ok, this isn't easy without outing yourslef, but it's not impossible, though it does greatly reduce the available pool, and it does increase the chances of failure. You often have to fold and move on. But, we can't change who we are or what we do, it's what makes us, well, us. So, yes, perhaps some people do go about it the wrong way. Perhaps, and I would use my success as evidence in this, there is merit in putting ourselves first, thinking about what what we need from a partner and then actively going out to try and find one. I'm not talking about dating sites and the like, I'm talking about the normal boy meets girl scenarios. Fully accepting partners may be as rare as hens' teeth, but they are out there, as, in my case, 30+ happy years demonstrates. Also, as there are only about 1% of us in the population, we only need, a maximum of 1% of women to be accepting. In doing it this way at least your partner knows from the get go what kind of partner they have, there are no secrets, no recriminations and you can never be accused of being anything other than the man (and girl) she married.
