What should I ask?

[Emi GG]

Dearest Emi,

There have been lots of questions suggested. Some of them could be tough, and your SO may have trouble answering some.

What I think is possibly more important than what you ask is HOW you ask. It is far too easy to approach a question with bias and preconceived expectation. This can shut down an honest and fully open response. Questions that come across as accusatory or loaded can put people on the defensive. Little subtle things like saying "Don't you think..." Implies that they don't think or if they disagree they are wrong, and establish the questioner's stance even before the answer is given.

It's hard, but try to frame your questions in a more positive tone. Don't ask "You aren't going to transition, are you?". Rather you might ask "If you had the opportunity to transition, what would that look like"

Good luck. You seem like a strong and loving person and you SO is blessed to be with you.

This is super helpful, and a good thing for me to bear in mind. Thank you!

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IMHO, it is very important ask what do they want tell you. It shows it is not all about you, but they are the one you care about most. What better way to show love?
Your concerns will come up.
Hugs, Ellen

Excellent point. Thank you!

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I appreciate her efforts in understanding my needs, and setting time for me to dress up.
I appreciate the times when we can get glam together.
I have my own style and she has helped me to develop it.
I appreciate her input in what looks good, and what doesn't.
...her telling me that there's is nothing I need be ashamed about.

All great food for thought. Thank you so much.

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The simplest thing my wife could ask me is "what are you feeling?" and let me answer without immediately interrupting to tell me why I should not be feeling that way. This is difficult if you see his feelings as leading to conflict with what you want, of course, but the initial feelings are often skewed by deprivation, so hopefully you can wait a bit to see how his feelings evolve in the atmosphere of your loving support.

Another is simply "What can I do to help? "

You could go online and look at discussion sites like this Forum or Quora https://www.quora.com/Why-do-I-as-a-...men-s-clothing.

Thank you for trying to stay connected!

I love these open ended questions - great suggestion! And the idea of re-visiting I can see as really powerful. And thank you for the additional resources!

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I cannot thank you all enough for your thoughts and guidance. I feel supported and am so lucky to have found you all. Thank you! 💕