Jade,
It's possibly a mixture of issues , OK your change of appearance isn't what she expected but when women hit the menopause they can lose all interest , despite my gender issues I didn't touch my wife again after the age of 55 in an intimate way for over 15 years , it was how she felt and I respected her for it .
I had the same reaction to counselling , I was the one who was broken and needed fixing not her , so she always refused to take any part .
You can't beat yourself up over every issue because you feel guilty about your gender issues , other people have to live with problems that aren't always of your doing .
OK the other point could be that your wife is using your gender issues in considering the end to the marriage , it does happen , people just move apart , it's no ones fault especially if children have finally flown the nest .
The body shaving issue has two sides to it , your wife may not like it as she knows you are trying to feminise your body on the other hand it is your body and have the right to do as you chose with it . I find it ironic that male members of my family have little or no body hair and no one passes comment but shaving hair off is frowned upon .
