Enchanting is a perfect way to describe Sarah McLachlan. I love her dearly as an artist. But I cannot subscribe to her past/future/present theory.
I'm looking back for a number of reasons. Longing...to remember/relive some amazing experiences.
I look to the future through a gendered lens to try and understand where that intensity went...and whether it might return.
The present is viewed with a remarkable lack of encumbrances for which I am both grateful and cursed.
One thought from earlier today, socialization.
I have watched my girls grow into remarkable young women. Their socialization as the females they are is a constant reminder of something I can NEVER have. Whether beauty, awkwardness, (natural) grace, how they interact with friends, whatever...it has always felt like trickery that I could ever approach a similar level of femininity. Even when at my best I thought I was close but it could never compare. So what's the use?
Rest assured, I am only speaking for myself. The pain of longing is replaced by a remarkable sense of joy that only goes further to bury who I am.
This reminds me that I might be getting close to a purge of sorts. Wardrobe was always contemplated in the context of purpose. The next outing. The next Vegas trip. This all remains closeted behind lock and key with no use in sight including several outfits planned for the next perfect DLV. Heck, in the last 18 months, I'm not sure I've turned that key more than a handful of times. I should hold a sale, it'd be pretty great.
