I get it, there are soooooo many factors at play here. My wife has been working overtime a lot and several of the tasks at hand we do together. Mowing the lawn, stacking wood etc. I have always enjoyed these things but for some reason doing them myself now is insurmountable mentally. Couple this with the realization of knowing that soon I will be more able to express Emi when its only my wife that may come home and it weighs exponentially. Basically it scares the crap out of me. Emi can not mow the lawn, cut wood etc. but she will want her time which will take away from that.
Counseling was mentioned but I have done enough research to realize that if I were to attend counseling it would be for the sole purpose of suppressing this side of me and I realize that this is unattainable. I'm not sure I want to. I am preaching to the choir when I say that no one besides those like us can ever understand the feeling of letting our feminine side free.
When I say I didn't think this is how things would go I refer to endless fishing, hunting, tree cutting wood work and anything else I could think of. I don't know if it is a product of my wife now knowing and the realization that while she does not want to be a part of it I don't have to worry about a surprise stop home or at our cabin when I had my nails painted. The time when I was going on about the pants I was wearing and would like to find another pair and she grabbed the back to look at the tag revealing my panties.
So my point is, Emi doesn't want to do those things because Emi can't be outside for the world to see.
Thanks all for listening and the kind words
Emi
