Poc,Originally Posted by pocoyo
You kind of remind me of me... I don't know if it is for similar reasons, but your doubts sound like mine... In the past I always had issues with people viewing me as this person they knew when infact I knew they didn't know me at all. I was a maelstrom of doubt and anger...
But as I wandered through time and I saw friends enter life with their partners and settle down, and scene friends transform into the people they wanted to be I kind of always came back to my same doubts...
See, for me I never felt re-construction would change the foundations of who I essentially was. The people that would enter 'her' life would see the colour of 'her' and not really see me... I'm alloy... A blend of male and female. To choose one would be to halve myself. Probably doesn't make sense to most people, who see my feminine form as a something other than natural, especially a lot of the transsexuals who've always viewed me as a bit of a heretic (Truth is I still blush when someone stares at my breasts... I'm not good with things like that as I'm very shy). I always felt a bit pressurised as people I knew had grs around me... it nagged at me, but being a bit of a dreamy type the mechanics of the body don't interest me that much... I'm too much of a child...
My biggest doubt was always... 'Who could love this... mish-mash of genders?'
And I guess in the end that is what most of us really want... to understand ourselves and find someone who accepts us for whom we are... not just our insecurities, our self doubts, our shyness, our anger, our petulance, our thoughtfulness, our passion, but see beyond our biological form, and just know who we are...
Carry on biding your time for as long as you need. There is someone out there that will accept who you are and celebrate that uniqueness. They see beyond the things we hate about ourselves and when you've touched their life, and they've touched yours you'll smile to yourself and say... 'Yes, I bloody well knew I was right!'
Lisa x
