denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.
In so much as the death of your masculinity is being mourned by your wife it seems your marriage made it to stage 3/4 in Kubler-Ross' grief cycle. Some people and relationships just never reach the acceptance stage in spite of best efforts to do so. You need to be congratulated on your communication and counselling attempts; valant if unsuccessful.
It seems strange that the high heeled shoe dropped after 25 years of tolerance. Why now?
Lowla
