Amber
A very touching post. I would to comment on the issue that you are depressed about never being part of the "Girls Club", maybe you should never have this as an aim in the first place. What I mean is, both men and women proceed with their lives mostly blinkered, never seeing or understanding anything past that which preoccupies their lives. They think the rat race is the only way to be and make themselves unhappy chasing imaginary and unattainable goals. Don't set your sights on joining them.
Any group which exists outside the box, and TGs are one such group, are really in a privileged position as they can experience and appreciate life in a way that others never will. Yes it comes with a price tag, it can be painful and lonely not to conform but would you really want the mindless alternative?
If you have watched the Matrix, then do you want to be the human battery plugged in to a fantasy world who simply exists or do you want to experience life unplugged in the harsh but rewarding reality.
Conformity does not bring happiness, self acceptance does. If you can understand that a TG state of being has made you a better person then maybe you will hunger less to conform to normality. Or put it another way, as a woman you have experienced things that GGs never will. Maybe they are more jealous of you.
