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It sounds to me like they kinda forgot what the whole point of having a crossdresser party would be! You'd think a group like us, who aren't generally accepted by the public, would learn from our experiences to be more open minded... I guess those idiots hosting the party are just really stubborn.
Kali, thanks for letting us know exactly what the issue was. Not passing should never be the issue in a group get together as their main intent to bring unity. Now having facial hair when presenting MtF can cause some to be uneasy. Sure the wording did not need to be so blantently put. So I'm sorry for that.
I'm part of a group here in the DFW, TX area who openly invite those who pass, don't pass or whatever..even dressed or not dressed. But honestly I don't think I have seen or heard a discussion about one showing up with facial hair, unless they were FtM. Heck even some will show up with a 5 o'clock shadow from the day before :)
We are a meetup group from this site www.meetup.com/ , if you are not aware of it, type in your location or a large city near you and see what is available. Hopefully, its not the screwed up one that turned you away.
Goodluck in the future and I'm so happy to see you have a great support system in your wife :)
Sad, yes, surprising, no. The two of you should have gone just to annoy them. Hopefully, that response was just the opinion of that one idiot.
I was very surprised and annoyed a couple days ago when I was checking out the site for this year's Be-All conference when I saw that they don't allow people with beards or mustaches in combination with full dress at Be-All either. That probably violates at least one law here, not to mention being rather mean.
Carol
If crossdressers of different types cant accept one another then what hope do we have against the average person...
The TG group my SO belongs to (TSs and CDs) is wonderful. It welcomes everyone. There is an older member who has been attending for years and who does not alter herself in any way. Talk about self acceptance! She looks feminine, but with facial hair. Her beard is quite long, as is her hair. She actually looks quite delicate, on the frail side.
You might try to find a different group? There surely must be some groups that are not as prissy. Or, is there a chance it is only the one person who feels this way, and she is not speaking for the group? Maybe every group has their divas.
I don't blame your fiancee for wanting to let the person who responded know what she thinks of the rudeness.
Many cd groups try to act like TS groups. They think that you need to look like a woman totally.The groups are often led by people who are actually transexuals not crossdressers which is different. I have been members of cd groups and believe me what I am saying is true. If you said you were a transexual and wanted to be a woman. I would say the extra hair should go. Being a crossdresser is not really wanting to be a woman so there is no reason I can think of that removing body hair is needed. Dress the way that makes you happy.
I think this is very true Gerri...many ts folk (ahem....like me) spend many years in denial and crossdress the depression away...anything that challenges the "femaleness" of this dressing is a problem......Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerrijerry
TO the OP...sorry that happened!
the world takes all kinds...I have been to many cd events in the Phila area including parties at bars for cd's. There is one person that keeps a very full beard at all times, wears makeup around the eyes, and dresses fully head to toe..
i admit at first i looked and thought "hmmmm...", but this is a terrific person and is totally accepted at the parties and in fact, had wedding with his gg wife where they both were brides...it was a very cool thing...
Kali,
Not to condone what happened because it was wrong, I do want to put a bit of a different spin. Please forgive these people. In all likelihood, they are still not comfortable with who they are (even if they claim they are). This leads to mean, ugly and irrational behavior. Most of us have gone through a period of time where we were angry and confused and I suspect some of us may have even lashed out in some way. If you are a religious person, please pray for them that they may come to peace with themselves. Unfortunately, when one person like this takes over a group, it can take a long time before the effects of a bad apple are removed.
In the interim, enjoy yourself and your SO. Don't focus on their negativity and just have fun elsewhere.
Leann
I suspect it is one or two people at the root of this. No matter how we feel about ourselves, we are still a slice of society and the normal variances still apply. If one percent of people in general are jerks, then one percent of TGs will probably be jerks.
This kind of response shows the person who wrote that response to be a jerk of the first order. There is no justification for that kind of language to an honest question. It's too bad they forget how to be adults and revert to the teenage girl mode we all seem to dislike when they they dress.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kali
I would look around for a support group rather than a party.
Kali, you would be most welcome at the Empire Conference. www.transeventsusa.org/empire
That was horrible. My favorite expression is that in order to get acceptance one needs to give acceptance.
That was so narrow minded. and when you consider how many ways people decide to CD. There are those that like those face masks, those that prefer little girls school outfits and those that like to wear clothing that would make any self-respecting streetwalker blush. Not my thing in all of those cases, but who am I tell anyone how they should pursue their calling?
Judging by the responses so far, I would have to say that isn't a cd community. I agree the person who runs it must be a ts person. I know I would invite you if I threw a party, and I definately think all cd are the same. Some are homosexual, others hetero. Some go out, but some don't. The deal is we are still men who are striving to be who we really are. If they can't respect that and welcome that, you don't need to be a part of them.
That has to be quote of the year:D,Im wondering what this paragon of virtue that degraded Kali's SO looks like themselves???Quote:
Originally Posted by TGMarla
I know you may feel you dont want any hassle esp for your SO,but I wouldn't be so nice,get angry at this muppet,IT IS NOT understandable that you were excluded,infact it's far from it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kali
Sophie
Thank you, Kristine. I attended, as a vendor, a few years back.Quote:
Originally Posted by kristine239
Truly sad. You would think that we would all stick together for one another and use the safety in numbers model. Guess not. How unfortunate for them.
The people from the party who responded to the both of you are absolute Boers.
I used to have a full beard and I do understand because there were evenings that I would get all dolled up and yes there was a face full of hair wearing makeup staring back at me.
There are ways these people could have been polite by saying something that being dressed and having facial hair was not appropriate at the party, but to insult you in that way makes me believe the people in charge have no compassion at all.
Not every one thinks that way, I will bet that there would be some at the party that would be appalled at that person response to you.
This post also makes me feel sad, after having discussed groups in the "Love Ones" section. I learned along time ago that life is not fair. Be thankful, you have a loving fiancee who support you in what you do. because many of use have yet to meet such women.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kali
Oh, I have no expectations of life being fair; I'm much to old and grounded for that.Quote:
Originally Posted by IMkrystal
I am simply sad for our community that there are people within it, like the one that responded to my fiancee, who go out of their way to be hurtful.
They never had a problem with facial hair and female dress at the (now defunct?) IFGE conventions.
I just read that bit on the Be-All's web site. Not only is it a dumb rule, but wow... what they wrote is just downright mean (and bad enough they wrote in the form of some sort of silly poem.) They actually kick you out of the entire convention and keep all your money... for having facial hair??
I wish that I could say that I am surprised but I am not. It is one of the more unpleasant facts of life that those who are supposed to be nonconformists are more ridged in their counterparts.
The world is a cruel place sometimes, but some people are worst then others. The whole term crossdress is joining of two. No matter how hard we try its going to show that we are born men. Some are more passable then others but no reason to judge the ones who don't pass as good. I only wish i could have a crossdress party and i think i would expect seeing people with facial hair, hairy legs and tattoo's. That's part of who we are. I can only shave my legs twice a year, so sometimes i put pics. of my legs with hair and knowing that if anybody is going to understand it's everyone on this site. I hope so, but know reading your thread iam beginning to second guess that.
I am TS and find the response in the OP apalling!
Please do not tar us all with the same brush, not all TS are intolerant any more than all CD's are welcoming.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessica86
The support group that I attend is pretty much the only one on the South coast of England, it is run by another TS and welcomes everybody whether they consider themselves TV, CD, TS, questioning or what. Facial hair makes no difference whatsoever to the welcome extended.
Wow that was a rude response they sent back!
People forget how they started and what reject feels like!