Here's a site for you to look into
http://divorcecare.com I went to this group while I was going thru my divorce, it covers every aspect of divorce and also covers reconciliation. It's run at different churches, you don't need to join the church or even go, but it covers lots of stuff. Very worthwhile to look into it. It will help you deal with the pain and the questions why.
Another word of advice is to talk with everyone about your wife leaving, its very carthartic, you realize very quickly that you are not the only one to be experiencing this. You'll find that this happens far to often. When I was initially going thru my divorce I told no one but my mother, at work I was useless, I cried in my office, couldn't function. After 2 months I told someone at work and I had so much support from others that the pain started going away, simply thru talking with others. If you need to talk real time email me and I can call on my dime.
Take care of yourself Jacie and know your wife's leaving has nothing to do with your dressing, it sounds like there is more to it than that. Some of what you said in your posts seems so much like some of what I experienced.
Kimberly :battingeyelashes:
My sympathy as well Jacie
Hi Everyone:
As others have said be careful of what U say and to whom.
If and when she calls U should have a recording devise on your phone.
Do get some councilling (of record) and as pointed out close any joint CCs, checking accounts, and savings accounts.
Then be ready to make nice, but be prepared for a full on assault.
Last remember that U R in a bad place, (wounded so to speak).
Since she will make CDing an issue remember its not like raping babies, its a "clothing choice" only and not against the law at all any where.
As far as your mom goes she is only seeing it as a perversion and will not understand anything except her grandkids R gone
and she may well blame U for it.
There is one more thing I would advise U of, and that is when one spouse is being irresponsible IE running off with the kids and leaving a text MS
They will amplify the slightest misdemeanor into deal breaker to justify to themselves what they have done.
So don't buy in on that and beat yourself up over wanting to play dressup and "prance around".
While U may have been verbally abusive its a sign of the underlying problem of not communicating each others needs.
Try to maintain a schedule of meals, shopping, and getting some physical excerscise and rest, U R going to need your health.
Avoid drugs and alcohol, and remember that because of being distracted by this it puts U at risk of a car wreak, so focus when U drive.
Good Luck and be well.
this post made me exceptionally sad....
Carin and I are in the middle of a divorce. 25 years of marriage, seven wonderful children, including two with special needs.
It would be foolish of me to make any judgements about either you or your wife. I don't know either one of you or your lives. And neither does anyone else here. When I read the *call the cops* and *she kidnapped your children* I get both angry and sad. No one here can make judgments nor should they make suggestions that may very well harm your children emotionally in the long run.
From my own experience...
Like yourself, our marriage had lots of *cracks* when I decided we needed to separate. I had made some terrible mistakes and decisions. And yes CDing was a PART of my decison to divorce. IMO we both made mistakes over the course of our marriage. It was hard to not get into the *who did worse*. But really does it matter? If reconciliation were to happen then mistakes, bad decisions, would have to be forgiven. If divorce was the decision then *blame* would not make that any easier.
One thing I knew was that our children were/are the most important piece of all of this. THEY deserved to be heard and respected. To not do that would be, for both Carin and I, to be bad parents, to be neglectful. Neither one of wanted that.
Divorce is just painful. For everybody. Even for the one *walking away*. And to the outside world I walked away. Some of that *walking away* was beyond difficult for me to do. I did it, I hope, in the most respectful way I could...for my children, for Carin and for myself. None of it was/is easy. But my divorce needs to be civil. For my children and for *us*, for the family. Financially civil, property civil, respectfully civil.
There is shock involved with divorce/separation. It is *shocking*. If you can take that *high road* and keep any conversations respectful that would be a good thing.
My children are somewhat older. This has been painful for all of them. They have talked and been angry. They are still angry some of the time. We do our best to listen and hear what they need to say. They relied on *family*. That family is no more. It is very different. But we are still all *family* to each other.
I know one thing. I love my children. Their father loves them. And they love us. That love should not be split apart. If you keep in mind *that* whatever you and your wife decide will be OK for your children. And OK for your children should really be all that counts at the end of the day.. IMO.
Louise.
