I am beginning to wonder if outing myself to my mother was such a good thing
I guess it was a moment of insanity or raw emotion. . .I was feeling guilty as that seemed to be a part of the reason she left -- or the most recent reason . . .I have been hard on our oldest child in the past and have in my wifes eyes been verbally abusive to both her and the children . As I have shared, she is at fault for some things that over the years may have led to our decaying relationship as well. But, Jacie has made it easier for her to "escape" and I feel the full guilt of this burden. and it hurts.
So in order to fully answer my mothers questions of why she left I had to "out myself" in order to clear my conscience and fill in the story of why she left and took the children with her. My mother was already aware of the past problems we have been having in our marriage for many years -- she's seen our struggles first hand so she knows that it is not just me that is at fault. This was just the last straw.
I just wonder if telling her was such a good thing. . . because now she thinks i'm sick and need to be cured of my addiction to "dressing like a woman". How can I tell her Jacie is a part of me and not just something that can be curable? like my wife correctly said:
"her face is my face."
I can put her stuff in a box for a time but that box will always be there and Jacie will always be with me . . and she will be harder to suppress now that I have been out and tasted freedom. . . and enjoyed it!
I say all this as I'm struggling what to do . . .it'd be nice to get them back but at what cost and I am not sure I could keep Jacie buried forever. . . this is my new struggle!
