I'm a Big Sister?

Told my sister a few weeks ago I was crossdressing. Even sent her couple of pix and she was amazed at how good I looked. So I've been able to openly talk to her about my feelings and she's been very helpful keeping my thoughts straight.

I was looking forward to shopping and see a movie as Anne this weekend. Well, sis calls and asks if I want to go shopping and see a movie with her. I got all excited, thinking she wanted Anne with her. When I hinted to what my weekend plans were, She said, "I'm not ready to see my older brother as a woman yet. Will you be ok with that?" I was a little disheartened, but didn't let it show, "Of course I'm ok with that."

So we shopped and talked. She started shopping for girl clothes. I told her I have a hard time shopping for girl stuff in "man mode". I can't explain why. Lot's of other CDers have no problem. Shopping for girl stuff in man mode doesn't feel right, but feels great in Anne mode. So she says, "I'm sorry. I'm just not quite ready to go shopping with my new big sister."

I thought, "Did you just infer to me as your 'big sister'?" A huge, but hesitant smile ran across my face. She saw that and smiled back. We continued talking thru the day about lot's of stuff, but mostly about me dressing and wanting to be feminine. I mentioned I've been having hard time coming out of "pink fog." Told her starting to really think about transitioning. She recommended I just take things one day at a time. I said, "Yup. That's what I'm doing."

So. Her comment referring to me as her "big sister" just keeps floating thru my mind. However, I don't want to force her acceptance. She's already supported me in more ways than I ever thought any family member would.

Next week we're going to see The Hobbit. Hope she wants to to be introduced to Anne, her "new big sister".

just take your time and she will come a round to your way of thinking i tod my sis 11 years ago and i now dress when with her she has done my makeup and we talk about girl thing all the time so do things on her time and let it happen don't make it happen Hugs Ronda

It might take more than next week.
Let your sister come to grips with it, shop together, you in drab.
Let her get used to your company without mentioning pink fog, big other sister, all things feminine and don't be girly.
She will let you know when.

Give her time Anne, Rome wasn't built in a day.

If you push too fast and it blows up, it will be much more difficult to repair the damage rather than taking your time and increasing the chance for success.

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Originally Posted by Sara Jessica

Give her time Anne, Rome wasn't built in a day.

If you push too fast and it blows up, it will be much more difficult to repair the damage rather than taking your time and increasing the chance for success.

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Originally Posted by ronda

just take your time and she will come a round to your way of thinking i tod my sis 11 years ago and i now dress when with her she has done my makeup and we talk about girl thing all the time so do things on her time and let it happen don't make it happen Hugs Ronda

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Thanks all for your sound advice. I completely agree to slow things down. Too much to digest to make rush decisions. As much as I'm eager to talk to sis about things, I try to only bring it up as it relates or she asks questions.

She told me she wants to talk to someone else about what's going on with me. She knows several people with some type of gender dysphoria, but was afraid because she didn't want to "out me" to someone I don't know. I cleared her to talk to someone if it can help her understand. "But, please make sure that person is trustworthy." She thanked me. So, I'm pretty sure she already had someone in mind.

Even though she asked you to go out shopping and to a movie in guy mode, at least she asked you out after you told her about your girl mode.

Little steps!

Anne you are having a great month imo. You got to dress stew days in a row and now.your sis seems to be ok with everything. Congrads !! Btw you do look very convencing.

Steph.

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Originally Posted by Beverley Sims

It might take more than next week.
Let your sister come to grips with it, shop together, you in drab.
Let her get used to your company without mentioning pink fog, big other sister, all things feminine and don't be girly.
She will let you know when.

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Thanks Beverley. I've found when in "man mode" I can't be girly, especially in public. Even when we're talking about being Anne. I'm totally a dude. Just like in "Anne mode" I can't act all manly. Although, I must say, I prefer Anne mode. Girls just have more fun! (Teeheehee)

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Originally Posted by mikiarata

Even though she asked you to go out shopping and to a movie in guy mode, at least she asked you out after you told her about your girl mode.

Little steps!

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Yes Miki. Little "girly" steps. Sorry, couldn't resist. When I Anne mode I have to concentrate on smaller steps. I'm so tall and always took large manly strides man mode.

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Originally Posted by StephBrown

Anne you are having a great month imo. You got to dress stew days in a row and now.your sis seems to be ok with everything. Congrads !! Btw you do look very convencing.

Steph.

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Steph, Thank you so much. I really want to pass as a woman when dressed. Yes, it has been a wonderfully wild month.

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Originally Posted by AnneB1nderful

...We continued talking thru the day about lot's of stuff, but mostly about me dressing and wanting to be feminine. I mentioned I've been having hard time coming out of "pink fog." Told her starting to really think about transitioning...

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Transitioning has got to be the hardest thing in the world to undertake. Have you felt this all your life or are you more fantasizing about it in the fog? Seems to me if you didn't feel "wrong bodied" from your earliest recollections, you are just in the fun pink fog now. But I am no expert in this, that's for sure.

Definitely take your time. Maybe, if she's ok with the idea, your sister might like to see a few more pictures instead or in advance of meeting Anne in person.

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Originally Posted by AnneB1nderful

Thanks all for your sound advice. I completely agree to slow things down. Too much to digest to make rush decisions. As much as I'm eager to talk to sis about things, I try to only bring it up as it relates or she asks questions.

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I can totally understand wanting to share everything right this very second now that she knows and is accepting. But there's a difference between being accepting and being actively involved. It's just a comfort level thing. Allow her to determine her comfort level, and how slowly or quickly it increases. She loves you, she will get there eventually. :)

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Originally Posted by Jenniferathome

Transitioning has got to be the hardest thing in the world to undertake. Have you felt this all your life or are you more fantasizing about it in the fog? Seems to me if you didn't feel "wrong bodied" from your earliest recollections, you are just in the fun pink fog now. But I am no expert in this, that's for sure.

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Hey Jennifer,

That's the dilemma. Yes, I have felt like in the wrong body, but would suppress those feelings. So I learned to like guy things because that's what was expected of me. But I could never relate with guys. My friends have always been girls. Never could get myself to like hanging out with guys. I would just tolerate for some time because that's what was expected.

That said, I know I'm too confused to make a decision about transitioning. But, I'm thinking about it so much more now because I'm no longer suppressing my femininity, except when I have to be in man mode. I didn't even know what "pink fog" meant until 3 weeks ago. All I know is I like being in Anne mode so much more than being in man mode. And I'm really good at being a girl. A lot of it comes so naturally.

So, yes I understand it may be "pink fog". But, it feels like more than that. Until I know for sure, no rash decisions. No worries or depression, either. Just gonna have fun being Anne whenever I can. And if I have to be a man, I will be the best man I can.

Comments like yours keep things in perspective while trying to navigate thru that "pink fog".

Thanks, and please keep them coming.

I showed my sister some pictures of Debbie when I first came out, and she wasn't surprised at all. She said "You've always been more like a big sister than a brother", I used to brush out her hair for her, she'd brush out mine (at the time it was shoulder length), I loved to go shopping with her and mom and helped both of them pick out outfits, I taught her yoga and dance exercises to build her midsection and firm her thighs, and helped her buy her first pair of high heels (to firm up her thighs and butt).

She met Debbie about 2 weeks later, and we started hanging out together. We coordinated our visitations so that we would have the same weekends off, and with no kids around, we'd both go out and go shopping, sometimes we'd even go to the same dances and parties. I introduced her to several of Debbie's biker friends. She introduced me to several of her female friends. She and her kids even moved in with me and my kids for a while, about 9 months. We stayed friends until I moved away and we went our separate ways. We are still friends - like Sisters.

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Originally Posted by AnneB1nderful

Hey Jennifer,
That's the dilemma. Yes, I have felt like in the wrong body, but would suppress those feelings. So I learned to like guy things because that's what was expected of me. But I could never relate with guys. My friends have always been girls. Never could get myself to like hanging out with guys. I would just tolerate for some time because that's what was expected.

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It sounds like you are transgendered, and probably transsexual. Whether or not you transition will be a choice you need to make over time.

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That said, I know I'm too confused to make a decision about transitioning. But, I'm thinking about it so much more now because I'm no longer suppressing my femininity, except when I have to be in man mode. I didn't even know what "pink fog" meant until 3 weeks ago. All I know is I like being in Anne mode so much more than being in man mode. And I'm really good at being a girl. A lot of it comes so naturally.

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You should talk to a therapist who knows about treating gender identity issues. The good news is that you don't transition overnight. The bad news is that you don't transition overnight. Many transsexuals who don't transition become suicidal and experience serious physical and mental health problems. If you CHOOSE not to transition, because you decide that wearing heels makes your feet hurt, wearing make-up every day is a hassle, and you don't want to have to watch your weight, that's a powerful decision.

Choosing not to transition because you think you can't, because you don't think people will like you, or because you might have to make new friends - is the WORST reason to not transition.

When you get a therapist, he or she can guide you through the process, help you sort through your feelings, and help you through the various steps as you are ready for them. Even the HRT is reversible up to a certain point. The main question is how you feel as you start living as a woman. If you find that you are happier, more at ease with both men and women, and more satisfied with your daily existence when you are doing what it takes to present as a girl on a daily basis, there will be a point where you wouldn't even want to think about NOT transitioning.

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So, yes I understand it may be "pink fog". But, it feels like more than that. Until I know for sure, no rash decisions. No worries or depression, either. Just gonna have fun being Anne whenever I can. And if I have to be a man, I will be the best man I can.
Comments like yours keep things in perspective while trying to navigate thru that "pink fog".

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Pink fog is what happens when a cross-dresser first comes out and makes a few public appearances and begins to feel confident in their appearance. They begin to think that they would like to go out more often, and even consider transition. Many get out of the pink fog when they start doing it more than 3-4 times per week and decide they don't like having to do all the prep work for going out. Often, when a CD/TS has no one in their lives to support them, they will dress up on week-ends and maybe a week-night or two, but when they start considering transitioning and having to do the make-over every day, whether at 6 AM or 6 PM, they lose their enthusiasm.

When a transsexual begins dressing more often, and develops a social life in her female identity, she often finds that she can't wait to get home from work, transform into her new role, and go out and spend time with her friends. When I started to transition, it was like I had friends for the first time since I was 6 years old (when they told me I couldn't play with girls anymore because I got caught dressing). I had more female friends because they realized that when I was looking at their outfit, I was looking at their OUTFIT, not their breasts or legs, or imagining them naked. We enjoyed talking about fashion, but we also enjoyed talking about projects, social events, and planning events. We talked about feelings, relationships, and social. I didn't have to fix anything, solve anything, I could just listen, and know that she could just talk it through and find a solution for herself. I also found that I could do the same with them.

With men, I didn't feel like I had to compete anymore. I could often outperform them, but I was not a threat to them anymore. If I closed more deals, sold my ideas, or got things done, it was through cooperation rather than competition. Often, I could be more like a "mother" taking care of her subordinates, and they realized this and wanted to outperform for me. Even as a leader, I didn't have to "force" anyone, male or female, to do what I wanted. We'd discuss what needed to be done, I'd find out who wanted to do what, and I'd ask them if there was anything they needed to get it done. I loved the feminine strategy.

When I stopped transition - it was because I didn't want to give up the right to see my children, I was afraid that my ex-wife would put them in a foster home, beat them into submission, or just disappear without letting me know where they were. For the sake of my children I made friends with her husband, supported him in being a good father, and offered to provide extra financial help when it was needed. He turned out to be a good father, and the kids turned out pretty good. My son's wife is a college professor and my daughter is a manager.

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Originally Posted by NyssaF

I can totally understand wanting to share everything right this very second now that she knows and is accepting. But there's a difference between being accepting and being actively involved. It's just a comfort level thing. Allow her to determine her comfort level, and how slowly or quickly it increases. She loves you, she will get there eventually. :)

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Hi Nyssa. Thanks for your poignant comment. Sometimes Sis seems like she wants to be actively involved, but then something pulls her back. I think she fears she's losing her brother and doesn't want that. Don't blame her for thinking such things when I make comments about transitioning. I'll try to leave such comments out of conversation until we both have a better understanding about my emotional state.

That's so great Anne. I can only imagine how much that must mean to you. Very happy for you. The Hobbit, eh? Didn't realize it was coming out this soon.

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Originally Posted by AnneB1nderful

Hey Jennifer,

That's the dilemma. Yes, I have felt like in the wrong body, but would suppress those feelings. So I learned to like guy things because that's what was expected of me. But I could never relate with guys. My friends have always been girls. Never could get myself to like hanging out with guys. I would just tolerate for some time because that's what was expected.

That said, I know I'm too confused to make a decision about transitioning. But, I'm thinking about it so much more now because I'm no longer suppressing my femininity, except when I have to be in man mode. I didn't even know what "pink fog" meant until 3 weeks ago. All I know is I like being in Anne mode so much more than being in man mode. And I'm really good at being a girl. A lot of it comes so naturally.

So, yes I understand it may be "pink fog". But, it feels like more than that. Until I know for sure, no rash decisions. No worries or depression, either. Just gonna have fun being Anne whenever I can. And if I have to be a man, I will be the best man I can.

Comments like yours keep things in perspective while trying to navigate thru that "pink fog".

Thanks, and please keep them coming.

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Well Anne, you need to be who you are. I can't imagine a more difficult circumstance. As long as anyone does something with eyes wide open and with real introspection, it will be the right thing. I wish you the best in your journey.

I recently became a big sister too! My lil said that she had always wanted a big sister and now she had one! I too have not dressed in her presence (not since we were very little kids), but I may do so in the not too distant future.

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Originally Posted by Jenniferathome

Well Anne, you need to be who you are. I can't imagine a more difficult circumstance. As long as anyone does something with eyes wide open and with real introspection, it will be the right thing. I wish you the best in your journey.

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Thank You Jennifer. Running off feelings are not always the best course of action. So, I'm just expressing my feelings so I can try to figure out what is best for me and my family. I will say this. I'm 47 years old and feel like I'm physically 25 and emotionally 19. But, my experiences are still well intact and will not act like a 25 or 19 year old. Other than going dancing. I love dancing as Anne. Never did as a man.

That is so freaking cool, Anne. She probably has sensed that presence at some level, and is now working it out along with you.

I am sure there will be more than a few bumps, but it is SO COOL that you have opened up to her like this, and she's opened up to you.

Please let us know how it goes. I am also sure that this transcends what clothes you might wear, too. Even if she doesn't want to be out with you all "femed up" she is clearly comfortable with you in the older sister role. That is a very special connection that only the two of you can share.

Hugs and hugs

Meghan

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Originally Posted by DebbieL

...You should talk to a therapist who knows about treating gender identity issues.

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I'm going to talk to my doctor next week about this and try to get a referral to a therapist.

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Originally Posted by DebbieL

......Pink fog is what happens when a cross-dresser first comes out and makes a few public appearances and begins to feel confident in their appearance. They begin to think that they would like to go out more often, and even consider transition. Many get out of the pink fog when they start doing it more than 3-4 times per week and decide they don't like having to do all the prep work for going out. Often, when a CD/TS has no one in their lives to support them, they will dress up on week-ends and maybe a week-night or two, but when they start considering transitioning and having to do the make-over every day, whether at 6 AM or 6 PM, they lose their enthusiasm.

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Well, I know this is where I am right now. I'm always looking for a reason to go out. I prep for about an hour and spend less than an hour out. But, still have fun. Takes longer to take take femme off than put on. Mostly because I want to keep it on all the time. But, I have to convince myself to do get undressed to meet obligations (work, laundry, bills, etc.).

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Originally Posted by DebbieL

...When a transsexual begins dressing more often, and develops a social life in her female identity, she often finds that she can't wait to get home from work, transform into her new role, and go out and spend time with her friends. ...

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I can't wait to come home after work and get dressed, even if I don't get to go out. I don't have any friends in my area. If I did, I'd probably go out every night.

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Originally Posted by DebbieL

...With men, I didn't feel like I had to compete anymore. I could often outperform them, but I was not a threat to them anymore. If I closed more deals, sold my ideas, or got things done, it was through cooperation rather than competition. Often, I could be more like a "mother" taking care of her subordinates, and they realized this and wanted to outperform for me. Even as a leader, I didn't have to "force" anyone, male or female, to do what I wanted. We'd discuss what needed to be done, I'd find out who wanted to do what, and I'd ask them if there was anything they needed to get it done. I loved the feminine strategy....

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I never felt like I had to compete with anyone. I always tried to be the best I can be. However, a lot of men and women felt threatened and tried to squash my enthusiasm. I've always had that nurturing feeling toward others. However, I did learn how to be aggressive when the situation dictated. But, I definitely prefer the "feminine strategy" [/QUOTE]

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Originally Posted by DebbieL

...When I stopped transition - it was because I didn't want to give up the right to see my children, I was afraid that my ex-wife would put them in a foster home, beat them into submission, or just disappear without letting me know where they were.

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I'm so sorry you had to make such a decision. But, I admire you all the more for it. I would probably have done the same thing. However, my children are all grown and now have grandchildren. I've come out to 3 of my 4 regarding my recent activities. Two of my daughters are supportive and the third daughter is less than enthusiastic. But, she said, "If it makes you happy, then I'm happy for you." I haven't told my son. He lives in North Carolina. It's not something you send in text or email. And, if I were to tell him on the phone, it's got to be the right time.

Debbie, I really appreciate you sharing your experiences to help me understand what's going on with me.

Thank You,

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Originally Posted by Meghan

That is so freaking cool, Anne. She probably has sensed that presence at some level, and is now working it out along with you.

I am sure there will be more than a few bumps, but it is SO COOL that you have opened up to her like this, and she's opened up to you.

Please let us know how it goes. I am also sure that this transcends what clothes you might wear, too. Even if she doesn't want to be out with you all "femed up" she is clearly comfortable with you in the older sister role. That is a very special connection that only the two of you can share.

Hugs and hugs

Meghan

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Meghan,
She previously said she wanted to meet some of my new "girlfriends". So, maybe she will come during our next big event. I told her about the "cheerleader" posts on the Hamburger Mary's threads. We actually found a Halloween store selling everything for 50% off. She started pointing out cheerleader costumes I could wear. How crazy is that?!!!

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Originally Posted by GondorRachel

I recently became a big sister too! My lil said that she had always wanted a big sister and now she had one! I too have not dressed in her presence (not since we were very little kids), but I may do so in the not too distant future.

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GondorRachel,
My sister is 5 years my younger. Oops. I'm not supposed to tell people that. Uh....I mean....let's see....47 minus 29...... oh ok she's 18 years my younger. So, we didn't really share much growing up and I left home when I was 18. But, I've always felt closer to her than my other 2 siblings.

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Originally Posted by "Mary"

That's so great Anne. I can only imagine how much that must mean to you. Very happy for you. The Hobbit, eh? Didn't realize it was coming out this soon.

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Mary,
Still a long way to go and I'm not going to pressure her. I just appreciate everything she's doing with me. She's helped me so much to keep my mind off my wife's antics and pending divorce. I really appreciate her.

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Originally Posted by AnneB1nderful

She previously said she wanted to meet some of my new "girlfriends". So, maybe she will come during our next big event. I told her about the "cheerleader" posts on the Hamburger Mary's threads. We actually found a Halloween store selling everything for 50% off. She started pointing out cheerleader costumes I could wear. How crazy is that?!!!

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If your sister's talking like that, she may not be that far from being ready to see Anne in person. But don't get your hopes up, girlfriend; the pianissimo approach is still the right one. Be there for her as male-you, listen, and keep talking.

I've been overjoyed to see how much you've blossomed, and I don't doubt you will continue to do so. Hopefully your sister will be happy with it in the end as well.

:hugs:

- Amy

My advice... well, the first bit is don't 'tell' anyone...just do it. The second bit is, do it when its fun for the other person. Pick a party or fun event where costumes are required and just show your image. Later, if you want to explain anything, at least they have seen you.... so the shock factor is gone. As for transitioning...no idea, I just like to CD sometimes, but I can tell you it took many years to decide I'm happy where I am. I can say by trying it, you learn what to do and I can tell you, your mind can sway pretty far each way when your experience is limited.