Gone down an unexpected path?

I am wondering if any one has spent most of there life (28 years) dressing or thinking about it, and when you were able to really do your own thing ended up taking it farther (what ever that means to you) than you ever thought you would.
The reason for the question: My Gf is very very worried that in 10 years I will decide I'm gay and divorce her and leave kids (if any), or decide I want to get implants. She really has a hard time with my breast forms (my favorite item). And she gets the gay thing from her counselor who has dealt with other dressers who have done this. Though he was also quick to say that is a very small group, though the idea is now firmly in her mind.

SO has any one done something they "knew" they never would?

Also any help with helping her come to terms and trust me?

you would already know if you were gay it is not something you can just decide to be you either are or are not i love getting dressed when i can but i am not gay ,i love my wife of 15 years too much

Most women do go through the thoughts of "is he gay". Its a security issue. I know my wife married me for the Man than I am, not the Woman I like to portray sometimes. She too went through those thoughts, and it just takes time to build that trust with her. I know speaking for myself that I have no intention of ever going through any kind of surgery, nor do I have any thoughts of being with the same gender, and never have. Most of us CDs are just your average heterosexual man that just happens to have a femme side. My wife was scared to death when she first found out about 3 years ago, but now we can talk about it and I even show her my clothes when I get something new. Its just baby steps. And NEVER EVER push the boundaries and NEVER EVER lie to her about ANYTHING that pertains to CDing.

I agree with Erika. It's a common fear among SOs. But tell her the proportion of gays among CDers is the same as in the general population. And if you want to be a bit more challenging, ask her if she expects to turn gay any time in the future: it's no more likely for her than it is for you.
Please don't interpret this as an anti-gay post - it's just that CDing and being gay are two separate things and shouldn't be confused.

You might want to skip this post as i expect a lot wont like it,
i agree with above in that there is about the same chance of being gay as there is with none CDers, but (always that but) i think that there is a very big chance that CDing brings out the possibility of being bi, bi curious or bi thoughts , that does not mean that they will be acted on just that you have a very good chance of thinking about it , in fact i would say a very high chance that your thoughts will wonder that way at some point.

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Originally Posted by Jamz1b

she gets the gay thing from her counselor

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Is she currently undergoing therapy for any issues ... and does that have anything to do with her acceptance of your CD'ing?

Thank you all for your thoughts. They are all helpful.

She does see a councilor, but we have talked a lot about that and I don’t believe it has any connection. She has for years and we have only been together for about 5 months.

I understand that it is a common connection people love to make. I have told her that the chance of being or deciding to try out the gay thing is no different in dressers as in nondressers. She doesn’t seem to believe that in any way. She is still learning though, and is trying.

I hope you are all right in that time will be the key, it gets tiring to have her bring it up every single time. And as much as we love and trust each other she cant seem to trust any thing I say about it all.


And as already said, this is not meant to be a antigay topic, just an effort to understand the differences. I do agree that if let wonder the mind could infact go down the more “major” roads of surgery or things like that. That is a worry of my self. I do think about what it would be like to be a real girl, but only for a moment, and I then realize that wouldn’t be right for me at all.

Five years ago, I thought I would never, ever, ever be taking hormones and making my final arrangements before going full time.

Back then I was about to get married to my pregnant girlfriend, thinking I was "fixed".

Without adding in all of my personal details, let me just say that I'm from the school of thought that many crossdressers will become more if allowed. I believe this mainly because I see so many threads here on the cding side that are nearly exactly how I used to feel.

I think one major difference between those who keep going further and those that have no desire to progress beyond where ever their comfort level has taken them, is the dysphoria.

Back when I "knew" I was a crossdresser, I was never fully satisfied. When I would get to where I thought I would be satisfied, there would always be something else...like suddenly a wig was not good enough, I needed my own hair to feel satisfied. Over time I have grown to hate my facial hair shadow with a passion, when as short as 2 years ago, I thought a close shave would always be good enough. Now it's to the point where the idea of shaving my face at all makes my stomach knot up....I want it gone! I would get so depressed by my man features that it became hard to function in daily life. I would mentally obsess over the situation.

There are plenty more examples from just myself, but what I'm trying to get at is once I really got down to it, the simple fact that never being satisfied with simply "dressing", and feeling the need so strongly to actually have the hair, and the soft skin and yes, real breasts told me that no matter how much I fooled myself, I needed to become as close physically as possible to a woman. That's when I shifted my attention towards trans women to see how their lives were, and how they got to where they were, and there were so many common elements between me and them that it became perfectly clear to me. Up until this time of revelation, I actually was scared to even think I may me a *gasp!* trannie! Like on Springer!?!?!? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!! But with more research, I saw many well adjusted, beautiful and VERY happy women, living my dream.

Now as far as sexuality is concerned, for me I've always been only sexually attracted to women, I like to think I will allow myself to fall in love with any person, I still need to have a physical attraction..I know, I'm a bi*tch! Maybe one day a man will sweep me off my feet, but he would have to be VERY strong!!! Lol! :) But honestly I don't think that this can change much for people. For those that say the are only attracted to men while dressed, I laugh, because I'm sorry, but if you are attracted to men and women sexually at all, you are bi. Period. Does not matter what you wrap it in.


I know I'm a wind bag, sorry If this ramble helps no body at all.

I would recommend inviting her to this site so she can get to know this community. Sometimes, getting to know people who live a certain lifestyle, or any lifestyle for that matter, can be more educational than seeking advice from a variety of professionals. :)

I started dressing at 8 and I never thought that I would go out dressed. Now I love to go out dressed and I don't pass. After 50 yrs of dressing I still only look at women ( some are on this forum). No one could possibly know how you will feel later, people do change however, usually if your gay your gay without dressing. You can dress without being gay and be gay without dressing, or you can do both. You have to be the one to convince your GF. Invite her to join the forum so she can get her questions answered. After ten posts she can talk with the other GGs on a private forum.

Couples in relationships change and sometimes go their seperate ways for all sorts of reasons, no one can predict the future and the possiblity that a relationship may end is always there. Using your being TG and the chance that you may "turn gay" (unlikely, but who knows) is, it seems to me, and I don't mean this to be disparaging of your SO, simply reluctance to commit. Everyone takes a chance when they enter into a relationship that it may all come crashing down in the near term or years from now, if it were a valid reason, then no one would ever take the chance and there would be no relationships at all. This is just my two cents.


Like so many of the other girls here, my being TG and my expression of it has taken paths I would never have thought it would, oh say, ten years ago. For one thing I never thought I would ever go out as my female self and feel so good about who I am. FWIW, it has not destroyed my relationship with my wife and while we have had our rocky patches, in many ways it has strengthened our marriage. Good luck to you both, I wish you all the happiness in the world.

Hugs...Joni Mari

Wow! So many great comments that mine will be somewhat redundant. I have always loved women, the way they look, feel, smell and so forth. I also always felt the urge to wear female clothes. I have had homosexual experiences and I loved that, too. However, I have not had an encounter with another male for some time and now I just want to be more of what I always felt; me as Brandi.:battingeyelashes:

How much is enough? Am I gay? How will my S.O. react when she knows I am a cross dresser? I don't know for certain on many fronts, but my thoughts don't go to wanting to be with a male sexually. I love being with other femme CDs who just want to be girls together and who view me as a girl, too. I want to use what I have to present a female to those I meet and spend time with, outside of my marriage, but I don't want to add or lose anything concerning my body. I have yet to have "that" talk with the S.O. and it will be a difficult time for Brandi and her wife, too.:straightface:

Well, she was as much into my being fem as I was. The 'never thought it would get that far' part is we found a way for me to do hormones, couldn't stop when we wanted to, and I ended up living as a woman for almost 5 years from Spring 79 till fall 84 and began transition back by the summer of 85.

Jenn

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Originally Posted by yvonne10

you would already know if you were gay it is not something you can just decide to be you either are or are not i love getting dressed when i can but i am not gay ,i love my wife of 15 years too much

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No, you don't always know if you are gay. I've spent 25 years of my life thinking I was straight and accepting the awkwardness of being with women as normal... I couldn't even fathom the idea that I might be gay despite the numerous (and fairly obvious) hints throughout my life.

Here I am... 25... and I like men.

It's not something you decide, and it's there your entire life. Some people accept it early on. Other people, like me, do a damn good job of repressing it.

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Originally Posted by Jamz1b

The reason for the question: My Gf is very very worried that in 10 years I will decide I'm gay and divorce her and leave kids (if any), or decide I want to get implants. She really has a hard time with my breast forms (my favorite item). And she gets the gay thing from her counselor who has dealt with other dressers who have done this. Though he was also quick to say that is a very small group, though the idea is now firmly in her mind.
SO has any one done something they "knew" they never would?
Also any help with helping her come to terms and trust me?

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[SIZE="2"]Well, to add to what you’ve already said, I never thought I would get breastforms, but that has more to do with circumstances in my life than with anything specifically related to crossdressing. I never thought I would wear a wig, buy a bra, or enhance my shape in any way, yet I’ve done all those wonderful things and more. I never thought I would have the desire to incorporate crossdressing into my daily routine, either. Come to think of it, I never thought I would be discussing crossdressing themes, ideas, and desires with others like me…:)

BTW, I think it’s funny that your GF is worried you will “decide” you’re gay someday. I got a good laugh out of that one. :heehee: It’s obviously not that simple, and it certainly isn’t a decision one makes. Why bother trying to educate such people? Let them live at the “poles” where their opinions and spurious notions reside. I would take your idea and say, “I’m going down an unexpected path in my life,” and leave it at that. You’re meeting other “pilgrims” along the way, people who can comfort you in your ongoing quest. There are plenty of kindred spirits here, so you can safely ignore the unsympathetic GF – your psychological well-being is at stake, and this is something you cannot ignore…:straightface:[/SIZE]

Although I think her understanding of the issues is rudimentary at best, I think your girlfriend has valid concerns. It's not uncommon for someone who has identified as a straight CD to realize she is TS and likes guys.

Who, me?

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Originally Posted by Brian

No, you don't always know if you are gay. I've spent 25 years of my life thinking I was straight and accepting the awkwardness of being with women as normal... I couldn't even fathom the idea that I might be gay despite the numerous (and fairly obvious) hints throughout my life.

Here I am... 25... and I like men.

It's not something you decide, and it's there your entire life. Some people accept it early on. Other people, like me, do a damn good job of repressing it.

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But surely from the beginning you felt something was different about you? I mean, back when I was a young confused teen, I thought my dressing might mean I was gay, so I tried to fantasize about being with a guy, but even in the privacy of my fantasies I just couldn't.

Even now, I feel like If I were attracted to men, people would understand (in their own ways...) my desire to transition more. Like my ex still can't wrap her mind around me wanting to be a woman, but not being attracted to men.

If you weren't a crossdresser, would she also be worried that you'd cheat on her, become a drunk, beat her? Have you given her any reason to believe what she believes? Did you tell her you're not sure about being TS? Or you have some feelings toward men?

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Originally Posted by AmandaM

If you weren't a crossdresser, would she also be worried that you'd cheat on her, become a drunk, beat her? Have you given her any reason to believe what she believes? Did you tell her you're not sure about being TS? Or you have some feelings toward men?

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I have done nothing more than tell her very honestly about my dressing. I think she is just letting her worries get the better of what she feels to be true (that I am being honest).

She has had a friend who experienced this problem in the past. After 10 years of a great marriage with kids her husband "suddenly" (I know not suddenly) decided he wanted to try out men, at which point he left her. As any one can see she took a lot of this to her self.

I know for a fact no one can "decide" what they might have a desire to do in life, BUT we ALL have the option to chose to act. For me I have no desire to be with men, I feel a lot of why i dress is due to my amazement of women. I don't feel awkwardness around or with women, other than being the stupid boy with a crush.

She seems to not want to listen to only me right now, but wants a more "professional" word on the matter (rather than the limited information on line posted by us). She seems to think that some one with a degree and with no actually experience should know better than me. Its hard to understand this, but I must. She is otherwise in every other way an amazing and perfect person and full of love and understanding. Just has lots to work on to understand this, as we all do.


I wonder if that without the dressing would she still have these thoughts? I think not. (I believe some one said that already).

Again thank you all for your input and continued help. If the rest of the world were so kind, it would be heaven.

Many CDs SAY they're only attracted to other CDs. Sometimes only when they're dressed also!
Some say they're NOT gay because they aren't attracted to "men"!:eek:

Clinically, they're GAY. But, r they? R u, Jamz?:brolleyes:

If u HAVEN'T been with another CD, how WOULD u KNOW!?:heehee:

If I've learned ONE THING in my 60 years, it's never say, " Never"!:straightface:

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Originally Posted by Super Amanda

But surely from the beginning you felt something was different about you? I mean, back when I was a young confused teen, I thought my dressing might mean I was gay, so I tried to fantasize about being with a guy, but even in the privacy of my fantasies I just couldn't.

Even now, I feel like If I were attracted to men, people would understand (in their own ways...) my desire to transition more. Like my ex still can't wrap her mind around me wanting to be a woman, but not being attracted to men.

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Well I always felt something was different. But that doesn't mean I knew I liked guys. I would always get attached to guys when I was younger, but never thought anything about it. I would move from one "best friend" to another, always getting jealous when I saw them playing or hanging out with other guys.

I would cross dress when I was younger... but just for the fun of the act itself. It wasn't until late high-school that I even considered being with somebody and I didn't even date or have relationships until I was 21. I was a very late bloomer. Even when I was with women and it didn't fit... I just assumed it was normal and I just had to "play the game" so to speak.

I never thought I was thick-skulled, but all this makes me wonder, haha.

I agree with Yvonne on the gay thing. If you were, you would've known by now, and probably would've done something about it.

Also, if you had any doubts about your masculinity, aiming at transitioning, that would've manifested by now as well.

So, just be forthcoming with her. Maybe that counselor is not the most prepared person to deal with transgendered people, because nobody wakes up gay. They either are or are not. Explain to her that you are a heterosexual male, and your CDing won't change that.

CDing will probably evolve with time, because once you allow yourself to explore, you also push your boundaries a little farther. For instance, I never though my CDing would leave the house. Nonetheless, I've been having some frequent bouts of cabin fever lately, which I'll probably have to address in the near future.

Bottom line: does CDing evolve with time? By all means. Does it alter who you are in terms of gender and sexual preference? Probably not.

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Originally Posted by Super Amanda

Five years ago, I thought I would never, ever, ever be taking hormones and making my final arrangements before going full time.

Back then I was about to get married to my pregnant girlfriend, thinking I was "fixed".

Without adding in all of my personal details, let me just say that I'm from the school of thought that many crossdressers will become more if allowed. I believe this mainly because I see so many threads here on the cding side that are nearly exactly how I used to feel.

I think one major difference between those who keep going further and those that have no desire to progress beyond where ever their comfort level has taken them, is the dysphoria.

Back when I "knew" I was a crossdresser, I was never fully satisfied. When I would get to where I thought I would be satisfied, there would always be something else...like suddenly a wig was not good enough, I needed my own hair to feel satisfied. Over time I have grown to hate my facial hair shadow with a passion, when as short as 2 years ago, I thought a close shave would always be good enough. Now it's to the point where the idea of shaving my face at all makes my stomach knot up....I want it gone! I would get so depressed by my man features that it became hard to function in daily life. I would mentally obsess over the situation.

There are plenty more examples from just myself, but what I'm trying to get at is once I really got down to it, the simple fact that never being satisfied with simply "dressing", and feeling the need so strongly to actually have the hair, and the soft skin and yes, real breasts told me that no matter how much I fooled myself, I needed to become as close physically as possible to a woman. That's when I shifted my attention towards trans women to see how their lives were, and how they got to where they were, and there were so many common elements between me and them that it became perfectly clear to me. Up until this time of revelation, I actually was scared to even think I may me a *gasp!* trannie! Like on Springer!?!?!? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!! But with more research, I saw many well adjusted, beautiful and VERY happy women, living my dream.

Now as far as sexuality is concerned, for me I've always been only sexually attracted to women, I like to think I will allow myself to fall in love with any person, I still need to have a physical attraction..I know, I'm a bi*tch! Maybe one day a man will sweep me off my feet, but he would have to be VERY strong!!! Lol! :) But honestly I don't think that this can change much for people. For those that say the are only attracted to men while dressed, I laugh, because I'm sorry, but if you are attracted to men and women sexually at all, you are bi. Period. Does not matter what you wrap it in.


I know I'm a wind bag, sorry If this ramble helps no body at all.

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Jamz... I 'm afraid I don't know you well enough to know if you dress for the sake of dressing or if you are Transgendered and feel "she" is within, as I do or amanda. that does not mean you or i will transition... we may find that place where we have to decide not to move forward [ i have]... but like amanda I think many of us would move farther along that road if there were no negatives...like loosing someone in your life... it presses that comfort zone.

Many crossdressers are hetero...but there are no definates here. i met my present wife, and told her about niki...she questioned if she needed the extra stress....she felt i was worth it and we are happy together...

It is a journey, and I hope your SO is there by your side as your life's journey progresses

just be you and the right decisions will be made for the both of you by the both of you:love:

Darling from my exeprience it is not about you being gay or straight. It is about you being male or female.

Your situation sounds like mine 20+ years ago (My first daughter just turned 20).

She and you shouldn't be worried about you falling in love with other men. Her therapist is right. Very few crossdressers leave there wife for another man. However, many more realize that they were actually women and leave their families behind because of it. .


To answer your question, I have the perfect life by guy standards. I have a wonderfiul and beautiful wife, four great kids and perfect job. Right now I am trying to decide if it is better for them if I am a woman or a man Booyha. I doesnt go away!

You are the only one that has the answer in you. If you feel the least bit like you may one day want to jump to the light side. Yes, Luke I said light side. Then let her know now. If you love her and love your future kids you need to make decissions based on that possiblity rather than an assumption that you will be able to hang all of this in a closet and forget that it existed. I hate to tell you this but you will likely face that day.

Sorry for being so blunt, but my experience tells me that you need to be true to her, your future children and most of all yourself. If she accepts you for you then love her for the rest of your life. If she doesn't move on. No matter what love who you are and never deny it or hide it from others. In my humble opinion that is the secret to success.

FWIW, not all counselors are created equal. Even someone who specializes in marital counseling may be entirely unversed in dealing with transgender issues. If you can find a counselor in your area who is knowledgeable about TG concerns, that would probably be your best bet. Of course, there's the possibility that she may consider such a counselor biased. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for her and for you as well, of course. All I can say, as have so many of the other girls, is good luck and my very best to you both.

Hugs...Joni Mari

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Originally Posted by Jamz1b

She seems to not want to listen to only me right now, but wants a more "professional" word on the matter (rather than the limited information on line posted by us). She seems to think that some one with a degree and with no actually experience should know better than me. Its hard to understand this, but I must. She is otherwise in every other way an amazing and perfect person and full of love and understanding. Just has lots to work on to understand this, as we all do.

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Originally Posted by Brian

I never thought I was thick-skulled, but all this makes me wonder, haha.

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Heehee :) See, you really know these answers when you put the pieces together, we all do. I believe that all of us can get past the confusion when we can look unbiased at ourselves, which is difficult,but possible.

BTW, luv your avatar pic! Very pretty!

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Originally Posted by Brian

No, you don't always know if you are gay. I've spent 25 years of my life thinking I was straight and accepting the awkwardness of being with women as normal... I couldn't even fathom the idea that I might be gay despite the numerous (and fairly obvious) hints throughout my life.

Here I am... 25... and I like men.

It's not something you decide, and it's there your entire life. Some people accept it early on. Other people, like me, do a damn good job of repressing it.

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Very similar to my story about my transexuality. I never had a clue for 72yrs but people around me seemed to know. One said recently to another friend that I was the most feminine man she had ever met. I have always been attracted to women, but I think I am actually bi, since the idea of sex with a man does not freak me out.

I agree with Miranda on showing her this site. If more people viewed the feelings of crossdressers they would understand how we feel when dressed.

As others here have said, there are a number of things to think about.
Are you gay? Only you can answer that, and maybe not even you, yet. I knew I was bi in my early twenties, but supressed it until then. Are you TG/TS? Again, you may not be able to answer that yet. I thought I was "just" a CD until about 10 years ago, then I started thinking about breast augmentation, hormones, living full time, etc. Now I am to the point that if it was a possibility I would even consider SRS, who knows how I will feel in 5 more years. One thing you and your GF need to consider is the therapist's background. If he is a religion based type, or is one of those who believe you can "cure" someone of being gay or TG, then you are going to get grief as long as she sees him.
To sum it all up, does she need to be worried? Maybe. Are you going to turn gay? No. Might you some day decide that you really are gay or bi? Maybe. It sounds like if you are going to get serious, and 5 months is a bit early to think that, you both need to get into some therapy, together, and with a different person who is used to dealing with TG issues. Anyway, these are just my thoughts from my experience, many of the other posts also have great advice. Good luck to both of you......Stephanie

If you get on well together maybe the best idea would be to just enjoy what you have together now and don`t worry about what might or might not happen in ten years time as many things can happen that we do not plan for .

i would point out to your GF that the majority of CDer are heterosexual, maintain committed lifelong relationships, and relatively few chose to move beyond that. She's dealing with a whole range of fears....maybe she also needs to consider some of the genuine benefits of being in a relationship with a CDer. There are lots of such "lists" some partially in jest, but still lots of real values in us.

I would put foremost among them, that we are by our nature much more attuned to our feminine side, and if we're not overly self indulgent...we can be much more emotionally intelligent than the average male.

My wife believed me when I told her I was a crossdresser, didn't want to transition and wasn't gay. That was quite a while ago and both she and I still believe it to be true. Okay, so she doesn't want to come here to read our take on things and that's fine. She could attend a local support group with your or work with a qualified counselor. Be careful about the counselor picked because it seems some are better prepared than others.

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Originally Posted by Super Amanda

But surely from the beginning you felt something was different about you? I mean, back when I was a young confused teen, I thought my dressing might mean I was gay, so I tried to fantasize about being with a guy, but even in the privacy of my fantasies I just couldn't.

Even now, I feel like If I were attracted to men, people would understand (in their own ways...) my desire to transition more. Like my ex still can't wrap her mind around me wanting to be a woman, but not being attracted to men.

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It is not at all necessary to feel there is something "different" from "the beginning' for a person to wind up being bisexual or gay. If you think about it a bit, you might even realize that some people might consider that statement to be a bit offensive.

Just from observing the every day world about me, I would guess that a desire to dress in female garb would be much more likely to make a person feel "different" than curiosity and interest in male bodies. Children learn very little about sexuality until age 9 or 10 at the earliest, whereas we are taught very early that women wear dresses and men wear pants. The symbols for mens' and womens' restrooms are proof of that.

Regarding your statement about people might understand your desire to transition more if you were attracted to men, I can sympathize with that. The common perception remains that all CD/TV males are "sissy' homosexuals.

However, regarding the original post, I should observe that although the main concern expressed by the poster's girlfriend is of eventual bisexuality, one of the most common complaints of women married to heterosexual crossdressing men is that they feel like their husbands are cheating with another woman, the feminine side of their personalities.

Oh, dear. I can imagine any high profile person coming out and saying "I am not gay." Immediately the world assumes that he is gay. This sounds like what happened with your wife and the counselor's not-very-bright comment. I guess you will have to let time heal that one although you can certainly show her your hetero life history and let her witness the truth of it.

Regarding your other question: no, I have never gone beyond what I envisioned for myself. But, then, I always knew who I was.

I gave some additional thought to your questions. I would say, as a basic rule - never say never, but at the same time, I believe that at 28 you probably have a pretty good idea of whether or not you might be bisexual or gay. I knew this of myself from late teens onward, although I haven't taken advantage of several opportunities to confirm it.

On the second part, again at 28 you may not know yourself entirely, but I think you may have a pretty good idea of whether you are a girl in a guy's body, or a guy who likes feeling female. I have always felt more the former, although again, I have not plans after all these years to go beyond dressing in RL.

That doesn't mean you won't want to go beyond occasional dressing to dressing on a more regular basis...or as some people on this site have experienced - the interest in dressing may diminish...its all a personal thing. And neither direction is right or wrong.

If you were gay, you'd already know.

Crossdressing can't make you gay. Although some toys from your youth might have done so:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jM4zvChNFKc

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Originally Posted by PetiteDuality

If you were gay, you'd already know.

Crossdressing can't make you gay. Although some toys from your youth might have done so:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jM4zvChNFKc

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and on "redirect", I would like to stipulate that enjoying certain sexual practices does not mean you're "gay" either. Of course, Gore Vidal said "there is no homosexuality, only homosexual acts."

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Originally Posted by Jamz1b

I am wondering if any one has spent most of there life (28 years) dressing or thinking about it, and when you were able to really do your own thing ended up taking it farther (what ever that means to you) than you ever thought you would.

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No, I can't say I have spent 28 years dressing or thinking about it. I did spend 53 years intermittently dressing in between denying what I always knew was true. In fact one of my earliest memories is of dreaming about the day I would get married as a woman, but then a religious group messed with my understanding and made me think it was "sinful" :sad:

Now that I am able to do my own thing, I have definitely taken it farther than I had envisaged a year ago. At that point, I was determined to be "a bloke in a skirt" I didn't want to wear other feminine clothes, neither did I want to pamper myself, paint my nails or anything like that, and I certainly did not intend to come out at work.

Fas forward to today, I am out at work and now wear female clothing to work 3 days a week (the other 4 will only become possible after I make it official and see the doctors, trick cyclists etc.). I am rarely without some feminine garment and almost always wear nail polish. I travel to and from work en femme, and it hurts every time I have to cross-dress as a bloke.

I am starting to realise that for all my prior denial, I am a woman trapped in a man's body. Will that eventually lead me to SRS? Only time will tell. Do I need to go further than I have to preserve my sanity? Yes.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by PetiteDuality

If you were gay, you'd already know.

Crossdressing can't make you gay. Although some toys from your youth might have done so:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jM4zvChNFKc

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Well that rules out the influence of toys for me. I didn't have a single one of those!

Oh my god that Oozinator commercial was hilarious though... almost like it was intentionally gay! :doh: