Told the wife's BFF about me

Well as some of you know s
South NJ was hit with some nasty winds. It took out Power to nearly 130,000 homes and businesses. I was fortunate to get power back after just 24 hrs. My wifes best girl friend stayed here for a few days, due to extended outages. Well when I feel low I need girl time, so I went out to get a pedicure before the storm. Tho a more netural color, how I wanted a bright pink, I had to spring for a design. I went out after the pedi to stores and the casinos wearing shorts and my girly flats. it felt so good to be me + I loved the look. Ok well my wife was letting me walk around barefoot and didn't flip out too much but she still hates me getting polish on. I have a pool and I didn't want to take the color off so I left it on and was acting normal. Thursday night when my wife went to take a shower , I asked Kathy if she please wouldn't make a big deal about my pedicure as not to piss off the wife. That turned into me showing her the pics of my Vegas Makeover and many other heel and pedicure pics. she was in AWE. She called me a Bitch and said my feet looked better than hers so I opened up and showed her more pics of Denise , she had seen me dressed many years ago for Halloween but never knew that I was really a cd. She is so supportive and said Hey! if it makes you feel good do it. I told her I have 14 pairs of heels she couldn't beliieve it. The pic that I am posting are the heels I modeled for her. She was like I want those heels, She made me feel like her girlfriend as we chatted. She said your such a Bitch, I love it, that made me feel good.. Today it will be over 100* and I hope I keep the polish on and go in the pool but some of her family might come over and if they see my feet my wife will get mad cause it will embarrass her. Time will tell but all I know is it is starting to feel so much more natural walking around and not careing what people think. I spent over 4 hours in three different Casinos that night and not one funny stare or comment and yes my flats were womens and you could tell. I felt so relieved telling my wife's friend , If my wife knew I was telling her about Denise and showing her pics , The wife has yet to see my Makeover pics from Vegas, she is like I don't ask so don't tell. Well, I am out to another person and the list is slowly growing. It feels so good to share me with others.

That's a great look/combination!

Don't forget, if you need to remove the polish to make your wife happy, you can always go back and get another pedi later to make yourself happy.

I'm also jealous. Love the nails and the heels. Good luck with the family coming over.

The heels and toes are very pretty indeed! Pissing the wife off is never pretty! Hugs!

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Originally Posted by Cynthia Anne

The heels and toes are very pretty indeed! Pissing the wife off is never pretty! Hugs!

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i would have agree with Cynthia, and jeolus off not having my toes done. hugs girl

Ok, you've punished me enough. Where did you get those sandals in the pic? I need them!!!!

Denise, Not good to piss off the wife, :doh:but the nails do look fantastic :battingeyelashes:and I would hate to take that off too.:sad:

Jolene

I think Jolene has it....
Don't dig a hole for yourself.
Don't piss off the wife.

I wouldn`t push it too far,,,your very lucky that she`s accepting..........btw,,nice tootsies and shoes:heehee::hugs:

Hell I thought thats what they made Crocs for ,,,Cover up a pedi !!! For your eyes onlt Baby ,,,lol,,,, Some folks just dont deserve to see our pretty feet ,, LOL,,,

I got the heels at the Avenue it is a plus sized womens store .. They always have a nice selection of heels in larger sizes. I bought a few pair there. look up the website they got some newer shoes that I would love to buy Thanks girls, yes i am fortunate to have nice feet, if only I were a size 9m, I would have more shoes and if I wore a size 6 dress , I would be in heaven!!!

Hi Denise, That picture looks fantastic remember don't rock the boat
because you could be thrown overboard by the captian.

I can't believe my wife isn't making a fuss. Today her son saw my toes, I know he knows I crossdress but we don't talk about it. He stays over and watches the dogs while we are gone for a day or a week and he is a snoop , I am sure he has seen my heels in his old closet along with my fem undergarments and a few dresses and a draw full of nail polish. In the PAST it was
{Take that Sh!t off NOW!} in a stern voice and if I didn't she would start fight. Maybe she is just tired of yelling. I think I will go out to the Pool and lie on the raft to tan up my feet in the hot sun :)

My wife told my daughters. She was suprised that they already knew I was a CD They had found my sstash and some pics of me enfemme in my drawers plus on the internet plus traces of nail polish on my nails. They had known long before I told my wife as they saw me dressed out in public.Some of their friends also knew. Now most of my wifes friends know as have seen me dressed in public with my wife and spoken to us in public and at home when they visit. I am now much happier that almost every one knows except my sone

I it really fair to your wife to tell her friend without her knowing?

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Originally Posted by Babeba

I it really fair to your wife to tell her friend without her knowing?

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I never even thought of it that way. My reply {Is life fair to the average Crossdresser?} Is it unfair to not tell the truth sometimes. I have known Kathy for over 20 years !~!!

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Originally Posted by DeniseNJ

I never even thought of it that way. My reply {Is life fair to the average Crossdresser?} Is it unfair to not tell the truth sometimes. I have known Kathy for over 20 years !~!!

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You definitely have the right to tell or not tell whoever you want about your cross dressing - but, this is your wife's best friend, the person she probably goes to for her good and bad moments. Maybe she wanted to keep her relationship with Kathy free of having to think about trans stuff. Maybe she had held back from telling her because she worried it might change their friendship. Maybe she didn't tell to give you a little privacy with people you know and would have really liked to confide.

Now, your wife will never have another conversation with her best friend without that elephant hanging around in the room. It might hurt her friend that your wife didn't tell her. It certainly will hurt your wife if she finds out from her friend that this conversation happened rather than from you.

If it's okay to tell a certain person, shouldn't it be okay with giving your wife the heads-up beforehand? If you can't let your wife know you are telling her best friend, maybe your reasons for sharing are not good enough.

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Originally Posted by DeniseNJ

{Is life fair to the average Crossdresser?}

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No. Life isn't fair to a single one of us because life isn't fair to anyone.

The average crossdresser wants fantasy acceptance. Real life acceptance is dirty and dangerous and difficult. Not exactly the realm of the "average crossdresser"

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Originally Posted by Babeba

You definitely have the right to tell or not tell whoever you want about your cross dressing - but, this is your wife's best friend, the person she probably goes to for her good and bad moments. Maybe she wanted to keep her relationship with Kathy free of having to think about trans stuff. Maybe she had held back from telling her because she worried it might change their friendship. Maybe she didn't tell to give you a little privacy with people you know and would have really liked to confide.

Now, your wife will never have another conversation with her best friend without that elephant hanging around in the room. It might hurt her friend that your wife didn't tell her. It certainly will hurt your wife if she finds out from her friend that this conversation happened rather than from you.

If it's okay to tell a certain person, shouldn't it be okay with giving your wife the heads-up beforehand? If you can't let your wife know you are telling her best friend, maybe your reasons for sharing are not good enough.

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I agree with everything Babeba has said here, more so,... no matter your wife is accepting, dont you realise that no matter the acceptance she is as much in the Closet with you,
and if you are outting yourself to her friends isnt it a Tad selfish of you.

Some of you crossdressers, all go off that your wives are not accepting,... and here is a classic example of why these wives,.. who do accept that you dress,do go off at you,.. because you behave in this manner.

Like some of the CD'ing members have said here Denise its not good to piss off your wife, I sincerely hope you are more up front with her since this has happened, as if the friend
has a conversation with her re you/Denise, theres gonna be hell to pay....

Life is not fair to anyone sometimes no matter you dress or not... so doesnt it pay to always be up front and honest... at least you will get to know where you stand.....:battingeyelashes:

I would be very unhappy if my SO told my BF and didnt tell me first that he was going to do so. What is going on? its seems to me almost as if you are trying to be 'girlfriends' with your wife's best friend and sidelining your wife.

Its hardly surprising that Kathy was fine with your CD'ing etc. she doesnt have to live with you 24/7 does she, she has a totally different view of it all and lets be honest, even if she wasnt fine and actually, secretly thought you were a perv or whatever, she's hardly likely to say so when she is staying in your home is she! and she certainly wouldnt to ruin her friendship with your wife because of it - you've actually put Kathy in a very difficult position - if she tells your wife that you have come out to her then your wife will be pissed because you've told Kathy behind her back, and if she doesnt tell her, then she will feel bad about keeping something so personal from her - she's in a no win situation now.

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Originally Posted by DeniseNJ

I never even thought of it that way. My reply {Is life fair to the average Crossdresser?} Is it unfair to not tell the truth sometimes. I have known Kathy for over 20 years !~!!

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So life is unfair to the average Crossdresser - is that an excuse not to be fair to your wife? I think not. Regardless of the fact that you have known Kathy for 20 years, she is your wife's best friend for goodness sake, the person she will, in all likelihood, tell her innermost thoughts to and now there is a huge secret between you and her that your wife is not privy to.

Denise... Denise! You are blowing it girl. Trust me: your wife is not going to be happy about you jumping the gun with HER best friend. This can have terrible consequences and will likely cause extra resentment. My advice is to admit all to your wife and apologize. Not cool.

I can't change what happened , and she knows how my wife is and how much I do for he . She see's the total disrespect my wife has for me and that''s is on a daily basis. She even tells my wife that she is lucky I put up with her shit and that has nothing to do with my crossdressing. Can I QUOTE Doris DAY here PS: If I messed up , I never said that I was perfect. We all make choises some good / some bad <> maybe my choise wasn't a good one so if I offended anyone in here I am sorry. It is my CROSS to bear and only I will feel the repercussions. I guess I better come down off my HIGH Pass the Paxil please!!!

In his essays on leadership, the late RADM James Bond Stockdale (senior POW in Vietnam and Medal of Honor) was a believer that life is inherently NOT fair. Those who could stop worrying about why this terrible thing happened to them survived the experience better.

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Originally Posted by DeniseNJ

I can't change what happened

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I read this post earlier and thought wow what a JERK( meaning jerk thing to do)....but knew I should not say that.....and now you see it was not such a cool thing to do so live and learn.
But really if she is your wifes best friend....I am sure she will say something.

Get a lawyer, marry the best friend. problem solved. Going to happen if you keep doing this to your wife. My 2 cents.

BobbieB

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Originally Posted by DeniseNJ

I can't change what happened , and she knows how my wife is and how much I do for he . She see's the total disrespect my wife has for me and that''s is on a daily basis. She even tells my wife that she is lucky I put up with her shit and that has nothing to do with my crossdressing. Can I QUOTE Doris DAY here PS: If I messed up , I never said that I was perfect.

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Oh oh. This doesn't sound good. I don't blame you for wanting to tell people, but this is too close to home for several reasons:

1. It may lead you to eventually build resentment over the fact that the best friend is more accepting than your wife.
2. This is not fair, since the best friend is not married to you. If she were, she might have a different reaction.
3. After your wife finds out that you told her friend, it may lead to your wife feeling as if you don't care about her feelings. She may also feel as if you are sharing something intimate with a woman that you are not married to.
4. It may cause a rift in her friendship with her friend.

One of the most important things to agree on, with the CDing, is the degree of outedness. After the best friend leaves, I suggest you have a long talk with your wife and discuss thoroughly who should know and not know. I also think you should tell your wife that you told her friend, since it is likely that the friend will let on at some point in the future that she does know.

Well, your pedicure looks really good. :)

I hope all goes well with you, your wife, and her bestfriend. This may be an educational time for you on the dynamics of female friendships. You see, yes, it was your secret that you're a CD. However, it's HER secret that she is married to a CD. She chooses to keep things private from some people, just as I'm sure you might keep things (like CDing) from your boss, certain members of family, etc. Unless you are fully out to everyone (and, it sounds like you aren't), you have to understand the feeling of wanting to keep your secret kept. But, when you told your wife that you were a CD, you pulled her into the closet with her. Just as difficult as it might be to come out someone, it's just as difficult for her to reveal that her husband is a CD. She will go through many of the same difficulties and bad attitudes that you will. So, no, life isn't fair for a CD...but, it's not fair being in the closet with your CDing SO. It's also not fair when your CDing SO rips you out of the closet and just acts like you should deal with it. Remember...it's not just your secret.

Also, the wife an her best friend now have to confront each other on this issue. This is something that she wasn't ready to share with her best friend, and sometimes the friend can get her feelings hurt about not being told. The friend might wonder why your wife didn't share this...or, if there are things they just can't share with each other.

I finally told my best friend once my boyfriend decided to come out. She immediately wanted to know how long that I knew about my SO's CDing...I had kept it from her for over a year. When I told her how complicated things got and how I felt like there weren't many people to talk to about it, she wanted to know why I didn't turn to her. I imagine a similar conversation may take place between your wife and her best friend.

So, just keep in mind that CDing isn't just your own closet if you aren't fully out. Your wife is in there with you. And, if you did come fully out, your wife would be under just as much scrutiny. So, the fairness goes both ways...things go much smoother when toes are put in the water before going straight to cannonball.

"You let your husband go stomping around Vegas dressed like a woman?!? How do you know he isn't gay or sleeping with dudes?" I bet she'll get that line somewhere along the line.

Her best friend isn't innocent either. She shouldn't be saying things to pit you two together...like saying your wife is lucky to have you and lucky you put up with her sh*t. If it were me...I would have shut that b*tch right down and said, "Do I live with you? Are you here making things work 24/7? Are you wearing this ring? That's what I thought." People only see a fraction of how a marriage works when looking in from the outside. And, your wife's best friend has no right to make those statements.

But, I'd like to say your pedicure is lovely and Vegas sounds like a lot of fun! But, if you want to avoid drama next time, don't mess with women. Drama follows us...and, what may seem innocent to you opens up a whole can of worms between 2 females. I bet their conversation will be awkward since you told her friend before she wanted to...but, I'm sure they'll talk it out. However, you may get the stink eye for a while...apologizing would be best instead of acting innocent, or dismissing her desire to stay in the closet.

I would think that by now the wife was told by her BFF of your discussion and fashion show?
How did your wife react?

Shananigans has made some very valid points - for a best friend to make such statements about her "best friend" sounds to me as though she may just have the hots for you and is making her 'best friend' look like a crap wife - some best friend she is! if she were my 'best friend' I'd kick her to the kerb and tell her to butt out of my marriage - its one thing to talk that in private, between two girlfriends, but its not very nice to say things like that to the husband.

Ok I do realize all your concerns but when I am sitting in the recliner and I am barefoot and you have to look past my feet to see the TV how can one not notice , Kathy did notice but didn't make a comment to my wife. How would I explain this to he I love to have pedicures and get polish put on because I am a Macho man. I just told her not to make a big deal in front of my wife, that would have caused more issues. her questions lead to more explaining and pictures. No she has not told my wife, when I say BFF sometimes they go month without talking or even chatting on the phone . It is just that my wife been friends with her since a teen. No, she is just a friendly girl, when we meet we kiss in the lips, in front of the wife, that is just how she is. I really don't think major harm was done she thought it was cool maybe she is a little kinky. I really don't think this will lead anywhere but if it does I was far warned

LUCKY UR SIZE 9 I wear 11, actually 12s so i wear more open toed shoes i can wear 11s

For us Straight CD,s only mostly women should know and a couple of gay friends and one GOOD straight male friend. I'm not so shy around women the more i dress as one LOL :) Its so fun going to these clothing stores and I would love to go back to these stores as a guy! I never had the courage to shop for women's stuff as a guy other than Pay-less.

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Originally Posted by jsunic_1978

LUCKY UR SIZE 9 I wear 11, actually 12s so i wear more open toed shoes i can wear 11s

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How I wish I were a SIZE 9 I range from 11W to 12W depends on the style womens shoe the shoes pictured are a 12

I can't believe you're such a selfish so & so that your wife can't have one darn friend to herself .

You blew it ! Admit it...
If you were my H , you wouldn't be.

How can you continue to defend such a breach of boundry?

Presh GG

Seeing how you rationalize your sneaky, snide behavior with selfish justifications and ignore the good advice with even more selfish absorption...

The GOOD thing about threads like this is that we all LEARN from it.

Not from you of course, but from the fine, good, lovely LADIES on here who have respect for their partners.

How would you feel if your best guy friend were at the house one weekend, and your wife just happened by with a pair of your heels and said, "Silly boy!! My husband just WILL leave his heels laying around where we can trip over them.. Can't he put them back in the closet when he takes his dress and wig off??!!!"

Shenanigans is right. You're both in the closet together, and you need to be more respectful.

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Originally Posted by DeniseNJ

Ok I do realize all your concerns but when I am sitting in the recliner and I am barefoot and you have to look past my feet to see the TV how can one not notice , Kathy did notice but didn't make a comment to my wife. How would I explain this to he I love to have pedicures and get polish put on because I am a Macho man. I just told her not to make a big deal in front of my wife, that would have caused more issues. her questions lead to more explaining and pictures. No she has not told my wife, when I say BFF sometimes they go month without talking or even chatting on the phone . It is just that my wife been friends with her since a teen. No, she is just a friendly girl, when we meet we kiss in the lips, in front of the wife, that is just how she is. I really don't think major harm was done she thought it was cool maybe she is a little kinky. I really don't think this will lead anywhere but if it does I was far warned

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Are you trying to hint what I THINK you are trying to hint!??! Where is it that you think it really won't lead but if it does...?

It sounds like you are contemplating cheating on your wife with her "BFF." I cannot, CANNOT, express how messed up and wrong this is, and the mental anguish this would put anyone in your wife's position in!

Denise, the danger you face is that now that you have told her best friend, there's no reason to believe your wife will keep things quiet with anyone else. I can understand why in a moment of frustration you would talk to her, we are not doormats just because we're CD's. And she is your friend as well so it's understandable why you would reach out. But, I tend to agree that being more discreet would have been better. Having said all that, and I know I'll get some flack for this, but some of the criticisim you're getting is way beyond reasonable. You didn't commit a crime, I don't sense you had any malicious intent, and I think the lack of respect that you're perceiving is part of the problem here. Two wrongs don't make a right obviously, so frustration doesn't explain everything and I do encourage you to try to find a middle ground with your wife on these issues.

Denise,

I see what you mean with the polish being obvious. But, you made it seem like in your OP that your wife wasn't wild about you getting your nails painted. And, after your pedicure, she didn't seem bothered by you walking barefoot. Did your wife notice/know you had gotten a pedicure?

I ask because if I were your wife, I'd spin sh*t right around on you. If you had said the polish was obvious (and, I hadn't known you were showing off polished toes), I'd probably say, "Well, this is Exactly why I don't like you walking around barefoot. It IS obvious when you walk around barefoot with painted toes, which you know makes me uncomfortable."

I don't know. Only you, your wife, and her friend really know what's going on. But, I will say that their bond is really strong if they have been friends since their teens. They might not talk but once a month, but going through being a teen with your girlfriend is a pretty strong bond. Some people greet by kissing on the mouth...I don't...but, some people do. I try to respect culture...but, if I were your wife and I wasn't okay with the kissing thing, I'd tell my friend that we just don't greet that way. So, I hope your wife would say something if it made her uncomfortable.

There ARE women that are "frienemies"...and, it's usually people who have known each other a long time. In some close friendships, there might be the friend that wants a sense of control of the other friend's life. So, she might try to gain more trust from her friend's lover...may want to be desirable to him...she may try to advise everything that her friend does... These friendships end in explosions. They are timebombs. You may have found yourself in the presence of a "frienemy". Your wife might not even know this other woman is her frienemy lol. But, I'm just saying...if the friend seems manipulative and like she tries to dictate your wife...you are in an ugly situation...and, you should stay away from that woman. Your wife and her will eventually blow up on each other if this is actually the case.

Just my two cents. I've seen these types of friendships between women...I've been in one. And, if the "bad friend" happens to get the other girl's SO to f*ck up, most of the time they'll let it fall straight on you...she'll say YOU came on to HER. Sounds crazy, but there are manipulative people out there. I'm not sure what this friend of your wife is up to...but, if I were you, I'd keep a good distance. Be polite, be nice...but, don't tell her secrets, don't kiss her, and don't spend a lot of time with her alone. It may just be nothing...but, nothing good is going to come from you getting too buddy-buddy with this friend. I don't care how girlie she makes you feel when she calls you a "b*tch." ((rolls eyes lol))

Anyway, I really do hope it blows over. But, you gotta look at this from the angle of your wife. It honestly does seem like both you and her friend have disrespected her. You say you didn't mean to, so just apologize if it comes up. How can that hurt? And, just listen to my warning about her friend...her friend is straight up disrespectful...and, I don't know what's up with that...but, I know enough that I'd advise you to keep it very cordial with her and leave it.

So there's been plenty of opportunity to answer the question
" What did your wife say WHEN YOU TOLD HER YOU HAD TOLD HER BFF "
It seems you're danceing away from that question... which leads me to not believe you.... In other words

IN YOUR DREAMS !

P

First off if kathy said anything to my wife she hasn't said anything. Just last week they went to the movie theather to see Magic Mike. This is like the first time my wife went with he to the movies . They really don't do much together. And yes I had the polish on for 10 days and my wife knew I had the polish on and didn't say anything while her friend stayed over. I am sorry if some of you feel that I am a JERK but gaining acceptance from her felt real good . I didn't realize that I was being foolish and self centered telling her frind. Has anyone ever cried out for attention or am I the only one ??? Maybe someday she will tell her but they spoke on the phone and that conversation never came up

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Originally Posted by DeniseNJ

Ok well my wife was letting me walk around barefoot and didn't flip out too much but she still hates me getting polish on.

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Originally Posted by DeniseNJ

If my wife knew I was telling her about Denise and showing her pics , The wife has yet to see my Makeover pics from Vegas, she is like I don't ask so don't tell.

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Originally Posted by DeniseNJ

I am sorry if some of you feel that I am a JERK but gaining acceptance from her felt real good . I didn't realize that I was being foolish and self centered telling her frind. Has anyone ever cried out for attention or am I the only one ???

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It's not telling her friend that is the issue so much as having gone behind your wife's back. The adult thing to have done, knowing that your wife is not OK with the CDing and doesn't want people to know, was to TELL your wife that it is important for YOU to have others know that you crossdress, and that you wanted to tell her friend. You should have done this BEFORE showing the friend your pics. Doing otherwise is behaving in a passive-agressive manner and it is rather sneaky.

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Originally Posted by Babeba

I it really fair to your wife to tell her friend without her knowing?

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Babeba has it right here, you should have discussed this with your wife

im so proud of u and u must of felt so good telling ur wifes bff. u go girl!

Why is Denise being put down for telling the wife's best friend. Don't we remember the thread where a wife told her Mother without the husband's consent? So many said the wife did nothing wrong in that thread, but here, when a cd does "almost" the same thing, then the husband is told he is wrong. I'm not giving an opinion on whose right or wrong here, but I just noticed a little hypocricy going on here.
Love & Respect.....Tara

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Originally Posted by Tara-mxy

Why is Denise being put down for telling the wife's best friend.

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Had Denise told his/her own mother, there wouldn't be an issue. The point is that Denise told his/her WIFE's friend, not his/her own, and s/he did this without discussing it with his/her wife first.

(Sorry Denise, I've no idea whether you see yourself as a male or female, hence my use of both pronouns).

The wife's feelings come first you took wedding vows.