Your opinion on FLRs

Hi everybody.

As you may be aware by some of my previous posts I am in a FLR.
I was wondering if any other girls here have had similar experience of living this kind of life or even if you would want to.
Maybe it would be your worst nightmare giving up your masculinity so completely.

Sometimes it's not easy and sometimes I think maybe we would be thought of as just freaks.

I would really value your opinions as I think of you now as friends with in many cases much more experience than myself.

Amy x

Do a duckduckgo for definition of FLR, female lead relationship. The search will show both definition and a good starting point for discussions.

There have been times when I wished that were the case. When I could just give it all up and be me, letting her take the reins.
At times there is deep conflict between having to be the lead and desiring to be led, surrendering to the woman inside.

I am perfectly happy to give up my masculinity and assume the role of the female in relationships. To a pretty large extent, I am at this point now. I'm Bi and who plays the lead role in the relationship depends on who the other person is. Truthfully, I'm something of a type A personality and that is a big factor. With guys, I want FLRs! With other women, I like mutually led relationships.

I definitely fantasized about being in an FLR and share those fantasies with my ex. It was presented to her as a kink, but with the benefit of hindsight, I realize that my fantasy was sort of a backwards attempt to retain my masculinity with the excuse (to myself) that I was just somehow being forced into femininity. In truth, I did not need to be forced. I was eager to do so.

From reading your posts it appears your FLR relationship with your wife is limited to home. I would love it if my wife were to tell me to get all dolled up in a pretty dress and heels for a day, week or month.

Mod Note:

Be very careful on this topic. if the thread steps outside of the rules of the forum it will be closed immediately.
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My take is that it only work if she leads where I want to go. I?d say that all the DADT relationships are ultimately female led.

I am not but I feel we are 50% lead.

But I was told by a female friend of ours that I am "such a girl".

I believe quite a few members allow their partners to dominate them in some ways. If that works for u, fine!:thumbsup:

But, in my case I let my ex push me because I got tired of fiting all the time. Which was a big mistake! Because our therapist explained it caused my resentment to build up until I couldn't take it anymore! End of marriage!:sad:

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Originally Posted by Cheryl T

At times there is deep conflict between having to be the lead and desiring to be led, surrendering to the woman inside.

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Originally Posted by Natalie5004

I am not but I feel we are 50% lead.
But I was told by a female friend of ours that I am "such a girl".

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The above quotes convey the idea that submission is a feminine trait or condition, which seems based on very dated stereotypes (that female are born to be led, and not lead) and can prove pretty offensive when put in writing on a forum where a lot of women are members or anonymous readers too. A little tact would go a long way for our female readers.

To reply to the OP (Amy) : although my CDing was probably born from an experience of being forced to dress in pantyhose as a small child, I don't want my wife to submit me or the other way around. I can find submission occasionally exciting in a sexual context where it is accepted and not forced, but not as a daily routine. To each their own and whatever works for the both of you is cool.

I think there is a fine line between fantasy and reality. Fantasy wise it sounds great. I have dipped my toe in the water with an ex girlfriend many years ago and enjoyed it. I don?t know your circumstances, such as whether you have children ? In my case we do. It would just not be practical for me and my wife under these circumstances if we wanted to. To me my marriage is a partnership. We are equal partners , so mutual decisions work for us. I do enjoy reading about your adventures and look forward to reading about more. I don?t think it would appeal to my wife.

I'm a little confused Diane, my post is the very opposite to your concerns regarding women being born to be led and not leading.

I'm not sure if you are saying my wife is offensive in the fact that she prefers dressing me as a female to dominate me because that's how women should be treated, she would definitely have something to say about that!

I certainly would not like to be seen as being offensive in fact our relationship empowers my wife to the extreme.

I don't believe different lifestyles are based on outdated stereotypes as long as its consensual and shaming people into thinking they are in that mindset is in itself offensive.

Amy x

Amy, I love your situation.

Amy, I've not had a similar experience. I've never had a relationship where this was raised. My wife is an amazing person, and I married her in part because she is very sure of herself and assertive when she needs to be. She's never shown any inclination to drive my crossdressing, though she is 100% accepting. I've been crossdressing at home now pretty much 24/7 for the last three weeks, and my wife is absolutely happy with it. I've suggested on a few occasions over the years that she could lay out an outfit for me to wear, but that's never happened. I don't need it to happen for affirmation from her. If it did happen, I would be happy. If it became an every day thing where she insisted I dress as a woman every moment at home, I might view crossdressing very differently than I do now, even though the me that is a crossdresser would never fade. I'm not sure if I would like that or not, from a crossdressing perspective. I might love it! From a relationship perspective, I don't think I'd like that. We are 50/50 partners, neither of us leading the other. That's what works for us.

What works for you is what you're doing, assuming everything is going well in your marriage. I've not caught any whispers in any of your posts that there are any problems above the usual run-of-the-mill contretemps that happen in any marriage over time. I imagine some days it isn't easy for you to always dress en femme at home. But, if your relationship is mutually beneficial, if you're both happy with it, and you remain close...where's the harm?

As to being thought of as just freaks? I guarantee you there are people in the world that will think of you as freaks. But, it doesn't really matter what you do or believe. There will always be people who think you're freaks if they knew everything about you even if you were as plain as plain could be. "They're so plain! They must be freaks!" So what if they think you're freaks? Don't live life a prisoner to other people's opinions, most especially when those people's opinions have zero impact on your life.

If you have concerns about your lifestyle, voice them to your wife. So many times I see marriages where spouses don't talk about what's bothering them or don't talk about deeper subjects. They just take it, and assume everything will somehow be ok.

If you don't have concerns about your lifestyle, other than existential concerns over outside perception, then what's to worry? Get your heels and dress on, and get on with your wonderful life :)

Hi Julie
Thanks for your message please let me assure you and all the girls here that my wife and I are blissfully happy and that will never change, it's just that she prefers and insists on me to look feminine and has brought out of me a submissive side I never considered I had when I was younger and I'm happy to please her.

I was just curious as to whether anyone else here has had any experience of this or would even want too.

My wife is an amazing woman I was just wondering how unique she is.

Amy x

I have to second that observation. I'd say that the dominance hierarchy in a majority of marriages favors a woman. "Happy wife/Happy life" isn't a common truism for nothing...

There are several articles in last week covering this as well. Here is one: https://www.kcl.ac.uk/news/masculini...ples-attitudes

Amy - I think you and your wife have a wonderful relationship. I am a bit envious that your wife prefers you dressed. I was attracted to my wife because she is such a strong woman and it is easier for me to let her get her way on most things (unless I have a strong reason for dissenting). My wife accepts my dressing at home or on vacation because it is part of who I am .

Hi Amy :hugs:, I Totally enjoy having the Best of Both Worlds, >Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

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Originally Posted by AmyJordan

I'm a little confused Diane, my post is the very opposite to your concerns regarding women being born to be led and not leading.

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Amy, that part of my post wasn't for you, I quoted explicitly the members' posts I was referring to, which were lines implying that submission is a female trait. My answer to you is the second half, beginning with "To reply to the OP...". Hope this clarifies. I will edit my post to make it more obvious.

Amy, My ex-wife thought we were in a non-sexual FLR. Actually, it was more of a male manipulated relationship (MMR).

It is all equal in our relationship. No leader, no follower. We make decisions together. Works great, but it is definitely non-traditional. Didn't used to be that way; I was the leader and decision maker and she followed my lead. Too much conflict in that arrangement. So we came up with a new arrangement where we are equal and nobody is deciding what the other will do (or not do). We discuss things until there is full understanding on both sides. All boundaries are agreed to with a goal of being as much a couple as possible without lapsing into dominance and subordinance. To do that though you have to have unconditional trust and truthfulness. To us that is the way it should be in a relationship based on love and devotion to each other so we can be a bit like one person composed of two people.

After a lifetime of being the strong man in business and family life I would absolutely love to be in your situation Amy, to have my wife require me to dress feminine and be a lady on a permanent basis works for me.

Amy,

If I had to guess, it seems to me your situation is fairly rare. I am sure many here would love being in your shoes.

Sandi

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Originally Posted by GretchenM

It is all equal in our relationship. No leader, no follower. We make decisions together. To us that is the way it should be in a relationship based on love and devotion to each other so we can be a bit like one person composed of two people.

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Relationships have to be built on their own form of uniqueness to the traits and character of that said couple. Like Gretchen and spouse, my wife and I have lived our lives on a 50-50 format. This is how we entered our marriage. I'm the left hand, and she is the right hand of one person. Marriage is finding out what works and going with it. Both the left hand and the right hand have to be happy, or the one person isn't happy!

Very Interesting Question Amy!

I've always harbored a desire to try this on a "temporary" basis with my wife. I've hinted but never come right out and said it. In response my wife mumbled that I wouldn't like the results. It was left at that.

At work I was the take charge kind of guy and always looking for a leadership position. I accepted the stress and other downsides that went with the job. The thought of turning all that over to a "strong" woman was a siren's call. Maybe some day.

Meanwhile I feel I have to comment on Diane's statements chastising other members for voicing their opinions.

This is something I've seen repeatedly on this forum. If you voice an opinion that goes against a narrative you're scolded and told to "toe the line." I resent the heck out of that.

If somebody gets offended by another member's opinion TOO BAD! Put your big girl panties on and deal with it. How do you find a bad idea? With a better idea. Debate the topic. Don't start scolding people and tell them their wrong for voicing what they believe. Use your powers of persuasion to change their mind.

Enough said.

Amy,
FLR sounds like a lot of fun. I love reading your posts. I must have read your Xmas story 5 times. Thank you for sharing.

I think this may be a fantasy for many who would be on board with the woman requiring the man to dress feminine. Would this work if the woman did not want the man to dress feminine at all? Required him to dress masculine? Be careful what you wish for :devil:

Char, That would be a failed FLR at least from our POV.

My wife is definitely the head of the house. No doubt about it. We both prefer it that way. I would not necessarily call it an FLR though. In my personal definition an FLR would have a kind of sissy element to it. That would be fine with me if we did not have kids.

Hi KItty

Sissy element!... have you seen my pictures.

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Originally Posted by Linda E. Woodworth

This is something I've seen repeatedly on this forum. If you voice an opinion that goes against a narrative you're scolded and told to "toe the line.".

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Linda, the quotes I mentioned implied that women were creatures of a submissive nature. This is pure misogyny, and expressing concerns about it isn't a "narrative" nor a "scolding" but an ask to respect other members, and that includes women reading these forums. Thank you.

You make my point for me.

Somebody, you in this case, is "always" going to whine that they've been offended by the comments of somebody not agreeing with them. Too bad!

Words mean things. Refusing to use the appropriate words or thoughts, or ideas because somebody may or may not be offended is the whole point.

You want to debate, debate but don't whine that some words, thoughts or ideas can't be voiced because you find them "offensive".

Enough said

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Originally Posted by DianeT

The above quotes convey the idea that submission is a feminine trait or condition, which seems based on very dated stereotypes (that female are born to be led, and not lead) and can prove pretty offensive when put in writing on a forum where a lot of women are members or anonymous readers too. A little tact would go a long way for our female readers.

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You misconstrued my meaning.
My statement has nothing to do with submission being a female trait or condition. It only referred to me and my feelings. Don't put words in my mouth, I'm quite capable of doing that myself.

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Originally Posted by AmyJordan

Hi KItty

Sissy element!... have you seen my pictures.

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Originally Posted by AmyJordan

Hi KItty

Sissy element!... have you seen my pictures.

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Totally seen them and you look fabulous! I think your marriage sounds close to purrfect!
In a previous engagement, with a woman I did not marry, we had a very interesting relationship. It was great on so many levels and I was absolutely her sissy. She helped me explore parts of myself that I never had previously. She would dress me up, do my makeup and encourage me to explore my sexuality etc.

My current relationship with my wife is very different, but once again my wife is in charge. I am not at all a manly man, although, most people meeting me for the first time seem to think I am one. Ahhhh, I hate that! Looking back over the course of my life my relationships have always involved strong, independent women who take the lead. In each case, by wife included, the woman runs things as she sees fit, usually without my input.
If she wants to go out, or on vacations, or what have you she can. I love hearing what she did when she returns. I prefer remaining at home and being told what to do most of the time.
I would hate to be the one setting the guardrails or boundaries for the relationship. No thanks. My wife is absolutely free to do as she pleases and we are both content and enjoy this aspect of our marriage.

At the moment my wife and I are pretty low key, although I think that may change when my daughter leaves home. This is also one of the reasons why I don't dress at the moment.

I think where a lot of couples run into problems when looking at a WLM is if the one partner prefers a more traditional relationship style with the man leading, or one partner wanting a 50/50 arrangement.

Can we please stop the in fighting I didn't mean for this topic to raise preconceptions on either side, I feel bad that I may have misunderstood Dianes remarks and that they weren't intended to reflect my personal situation and that has resulted in some flak being levelled her way.
I'm just trying to explain my lifestyle and gauging opinion if it's really weird not turn us against each other.

Girls unite!

Amy x

I would love a LITTLE bit of FLR, for example little things like her telling me (or daring me) to stay in a bra all day, or to wear something pushing the limits a little more than usual when we go out. But she doesn't seem to have any interest in encouraging me other than the occasional gift, not to mention not caring what I wear most of the time (which compared to many here is a win).

As to full time FLR like Amy is enjoying? Naw, not for me. My wife and I are 50/50, at least on paper. I wind up making more of the major decisions but I do seek her advice and opinions. It works for us. Amy's life is fascinating to me and I love reading about it, and I'm glad it works for them.


I somehow missed where people were offended or slamming others for opinions here, which is fine by me. I've been slammed for my opinions on this site more than once, but I really don't care. My opinions are mine, and I'm more than happy to share when asked even if the person doing the asking isn't going to like it. I swear some people live to be offended. Seems like a lousy way to live.

intriguing is what i think about your situation....the mrs. the sisters, the "rascal" the gifts.

its not a DOM/femdom aspect so its FLR light, you enjoy the choices even though you sweat the details, their are some crazy stories for this type of lifestyle and some here have shared about those aspects too....consulting adults....if it makes you happy its all good.

their used to be a show on HBO....real sex....they would present some of the different lifestyles in a candid filming while trying to keep it PG-13


you sound like you have a fun relationship and some are envious of your situation....were as varied as a box of chocolate....never know what your gonna get....

Hi Amy,

I replied earlier, but, somehow managed to delete it, when trying to edit for spelling mistakes, so I'll repost again.

Tbh I'm really envious of your situation, personally I'd love to be in your situation, I've fantasised about this for as long as I can remember. I'm a people pleaser, so would love this kind of lifestyle, however, in reality it wouldn't really be practical or possible as other family members, etc would definitely not accept this and it would be impossible to keep it from them, plus my partner wouldn't be interested.

I think you're in a fairly unique situation in that your wife initiated your crossdressing and now insists on you dressing enfemme fulltime at home, yet, she hasn't forced or coerced you into this, just guided and encouraged you along, that's dreamland stuff for most of us here.

I love hearing about your lifestyle as I never thought something like this could actually happen in real life, so it's really interesting to hear your story and how its progressing. What's important is that you are both happy which is what really matters.

I have a few questions, apologies if you've already answered, but, has your wife explained why she decided to initiate your crossdressing and why she insists on you being enfemme fulltime at home, also, do you ever see a point in the future where you will be enfemme full-time, both at home and outside your home.

Thanks.

Hi Jasmine

In answer to your question it seemed to begin fairly tamely, I would always badger her to wear sexy outfits and always pantyhose/nylons as I had always had a fetish for women wearing them, this extended to wanting her to wear them to bed also.
One night she said she was finding them uncomfortable during the night but loved the feeling of snuggling up to warm soft legs so would I be willing to wear them instead.

My wife has always been dominant, growing up with so many sisters made her super competitive so as her business life flourished so did her demands, so when the sexy short outfits no longer fitted her new style and my wearing the pantyhose had become a regular thing she began adding more and more items.

She said that I looked fabulous and that it was my turn to dress sexy for her as she found it very pleasing.

When she became successful enough she confessed she had always dreamed of having a stay home partner to look after her and that as I am dressing more and more as a housewife then it should be permanent.

By this time I had become far more submissive whilst she grew in dominance often commenting ' remember when you used to insist I wear those clothes' or 'make sure you're wearing something sexy when I get home' or 'I've got you the cutest little outfit for today'

I know she enjoys teasing me and she is far more daring and adventurous sexually and has very effectively completely turned the tables on what our lives were before.
There are things I'm still resisting i.e going out in public because I am too scared and self conscious which although she is accepting for now I know she is finding annoying, that's why she gets great enjoyment in pushing me into situations which are potentially hugely embarrassing at times.

But you are right we are extremely happy, she has a devoted 'sissy wife' whom she adores and I have the partner I have always loved even before our new arrangement.

Amy x

Amy,

It is kind of interesting that it seems your wife is not the one reluctant to be seen in public but you. Do you think you can give in if she insists on dragging you out somewhere as if obligated to comply. It is an interesting notion that you may have to decide one day, especially if she gets bored with the status quo.

Should that happen, it is not as scary as you might think, but you would likely want it conditional on going somewhere you are likely to not be known by anyone.

Of course if she gets playful and locks you out of the car or something. Haha, I have an evil mind. Good thing I don?t give her any ideas.

Sandi

Amy, you're wondering how unique your wife is? She's one in an infinite number of women! Even if you spent hours telling us about her, we would know only a small smidgen of her. What you tell us here, she seems a lot of fun, mischievous, and very self assured. All wonderful qualities. She is unique to you, and that's all that matters. Heaven forbid anything ever happened to her or your marriage, you will never find another like her. Cherish every moment. I mean that sincerely. It's sometimes too easy to take for granted what we have when it is oh so wonderful!

Hi Amy,

Thanks for your reply. I love how you gradually fell into the role bit by bit. She is right btw, you do look fabulous! You are both so lucky to have found each other; she has her devoted 'sissy wife' a role you were born for but, never realised it, and you have a woman who adores you. If you'd never met, it's doubtful you would have ever found the joys of crossdressing.

From the sounds of it, it's only a matter of time before she has you dressing in public too and that'll go fine as you will have her support and it's obvious she won't do anything to put you in harms way. As a matter of interest if your wife said you can wear whatever you like, would you go back to male clothes or continue to dress up. Also when you are in male mode in public, do you miss being enfemme?.

Thanks again and I love reading your updates so keep them coming!

As to our opinions, that's pretty much irrelevant, because if the dynamic works for you and your wife that's really all what matters.

As to your explanation a few posts above as to how it started, did you have any inkling to dress before your wife suggested it? Or was this something new to you, which you are willing to do because your nature is being submissive?

My opinion is that every guy has a kink. For many here, dressing is that kink. There is a very wide spectrum of kinks, as proven by all the variations in porn. As Dan Savage says, we didn?t choose our kink, our kink chose us. I believe that to be true. I don't know why I've always had the urge to dress, but it's been there since I was 7 or so.

I can certainly understand the submissive side of being told to dress. I am sure others have daydreamed about losing a bet and being "forced" to dress, even though we obviously wanted to. That's our defense mechanism if caught; I had to do it.

I have a GG friend Michelle, and often I will dress at her place, and take a couple of choices, and let her choose what I should wear when we go out. I would love to show up one day at her place and she would have an outfit of hers (we are similar sizes) and tell me "I want you to wear this."

Last year I visited another GG friend Renee. I was going to a Bruce Springsteen concert with Renee's husband (for various reasons, Renee wasn't going too). I was, by agreement, going dressed (Renee helped me dress 30+ years ago when we were FWBs). It was the first time I was going out one on one with a man.. It was a kick for me to get Renee's input and how she wanted me to dress for a "date" with her husband, and she said she wanted me to dress "to the nines". Her husband was a great "date" and we both enjoyed the concert, and I enjoyed wearing a sexy dress, fishnet stockings, and heels (probably the only one of the 15,000 in attendance).

So I can definitely understand the pleasure of being told to dress. However, in my marriage, that certainly isn't going to happen, and I avoid dressing in front of my wife.

I suspect, if we knew the true numbers, the number of CDs who's SO want them to dress is far smaller than the numbers of CDs who have never told their SOs they dress, so you and your spouse are definitely unicorns.

I also suspect you would get a big kick out of being dressed in public, so I suggest you give it a try. Lots of fun to go shopping and trying on stuff.