Where am I going wrong ?

[Suzy Harrison]

There’s a saying that goes something like:

“ You’d be paranoid too if you knew the whole world is against you ! “

Well I’m reaching the stage where I think I’m ether getting paranoid or I’m just not reading reality right….. Yes we’re back on the passing theme again !

When I first started to go out on public in August of last year I seemed to be invincible. I could go out as often as I liked and would never get read. I’d even go out of my way to be served in a store by a teenage assistant, just to see where my boundaries were – I never had any problems.

Then for no apparent reason things seem to go downhill. I got read several times, but I accepted at the time that no one is ever going to be 100% successful at a 100% of the time.

But things seem to be going from bad to worse and I can’t see why. I’m wearing the same things, going to the same places – but with different results than when I first started.

A day ago I was out in public and I was read twice in a period of 10 seconds !. I was passing a group of guys sitting outside a coffee shop when I heard the comment “Oh there goes a real man!”. Seconds later this guy was walking toward me – staring at me and grinning from ear to ear – almost braking into a laugh. I just couldn’t see how he could read me – and I was wearing sunglasses at the time so there wasn’t much to see facial wise. Yes I know I should have stopped there and then in the street and asked him what the problem was. It’s easy to say that now, but I was in shock at the time and just couldn’t believe what had just happened a few seconds earlier – and now this.

I’ve gone over the photos I took before I went out and can’t see anything different in my looks to the other occasions I’ve been out. I’ve even spoken to a Transman friend of mine on this site, who has met with me late last year and he can’t think of anything about me that gives me away either.

The only thing I can think of is the way I walk – but I’m sure I’m doing all the right things, but I can think of nothing else at this stage.

I know someone is going to say passing isn’t everything – but it sure beats being embarrassed in the middle of the high street ......