Confused young person seeking advise .

[christina s]

Hi everyone.

I would just like thank anyone who reads this up front, any advice on what to do would be greatly appreciated. Also I apologize for my writing this is something I’m just starting to really accept so this was hard for me to type.

Like most people on the forum I started dressing when I was younger. Sneaking into my stepsisters, mom’s clothes. There wasn't anything sexual to it just liked dressing up as a girl. This ended when I was around 10; I basically stopped cold turkey without even thinking about it. It wasn't until the past couple of years that I even thought about it.

Fast forward a couple of years. I'm in high school I ballooned up after being bullied throughout middle school I decided I was going to get into strength and conditioning class. I started lifting weights religiously ,In these past four years I lost a significant amount of body fat and my strength shot through the roof and I started breaking school and a couple of national records . I was having the time of my life, this was also one of the few times my parents said they were truly proud of me.

During this time though the thought of dressing gradually came back without even looking online for anything. Then one night I googled crossdressing I found this website. And after lurking for a couple of years and seeing how good all of the girls here looked, I would just feel like a freak dressing up. Living at home while going to college isn't helping with my dressing efforts as well.

Does anyone have any advice? There's a part of me that really wants to stay where I’m at and to keep competing in powerlifting and to not lose any size I’ve worked hard to put on. Then there is a part of me that is really wanting to lose this extra muscle mass and to start dressing again without looking like a freak. I think I might actually be happier doing that but I don't want to throw the past four years out the window on an impulse. I've thought about just purging but finding clothes for my body type besides shoes has been tough.

Cliffs
-dressed when I was younger

-thought I grew out of it

- To deal with bullies started lifting weight at 15 bulked up to a somewhat lean 260 by 19


-thought of dressing started gradually coming back over the years now I can’t get the thought out of my mind ( nothing sexual I just like dressing up )

- Still likes being a guy

- I think I enjoy what I’ve done the past couple of years but I can’t get the idea of dressing ,losing weight out of my head so I don't look like jay cutler in a dress. I really don't know if i'm happy with what i'm doing right now

i"m still 19 btw