Lying

[Eryn]

The part about spending what they want, doing what they want, and pushing agreed-on boundaries could be said about pretty much any husband and his hobby, though, right? Golfing, hunting, fishing, shooting...

Logically, it should be the same, but I think that CDing has a special status because of the persistant myths and the reduced ability to discuss it outside the couple. The SO can talk to her friends about hubby's fishing obsession, but cannot so easily complain about his CDing obsession. That eliminates an emotional safety valve and can allow pressure to build up to an intolerable level.

That's one reason that it is so important to get SOs involved in something like FAB or a face-to-face group. Having others to discuss the issues with helps everyone to see things more realistically, particularly when the others have had similar experiences and managed to create healthier relationships from them.