
Originally Posted by
sobe1ove GG
Hey everyone! These have been really thoughtful posts! I appreciate everyone taking the time to respond to my questions. As luck would have it, I have two more.
- Since my boyfriend is considering whether or not he is transsexual, this has brought up questions as well for me. I said to him that I was mad that he seems so nonchalant about essentially killing his male self. Let's say his name is David so that you can understand what I'm saying.
I feel like if he was a full time lady, full time Leah B, he would no longer be David. David would be gone. He disagrees though saying that the same thoughts and feelings are still there. While I agree, thoughts and feelings aren't the only thing that makes someone special. If he looks different, acts different, identifies as a completely separate gender, has a different name, has a bit different interests (or added interests), then how could he possibly be David anymore?
While intellectually, I can see where he is coming from, that David is still there, I DON'T see it emotionally. In my heart, I would feel that he killed David. That Leah killed David. I have already been going through mourning already over this, so I can't even imagine how devastating it would be if he were to transition. I imagine that would be the case for his mom, other family members, and some friends as well.
What does everyone else think of this death issue? If someone doesn't feel that their male side accurately represents them and decides to take on a completely different female life, then how could they still, from the emotions of others, be the same person?
- I was thinking a lot about how some people were saying that the CDer shouldn't have to compromise in the slightest. Of course I disagreed with that, but it took me a few days to really cement in my head why I felt that way.
For most of you, you have had decades to come to terms with your gender issues. It has taken a really long time to resolve your issues with yourself and what society thinks. For some of you, you still don't fully accept yourselves.
So then how are we, as partners of trans folk (CD included), supposed to accept it so easily? We have much of the same hang ups as you as far as 'what society thinks.' We also have to resolve our own issues with gender when presented with an issue like this. Essentially, we need the whole process as well.
Unfortunately, we are often expected to accept things and get over our problems and fears at light speed. This can, obviously, be a problem. We need time to understand what's going on and accept it. If our T-lover doesn't want to go at a reasonable pace so that we too can come to terms, this often causes a rift. We can't be forced to accept things so fast. You all have had decades to deal with this and we are only given a short amount of time. To take my relationship as an example, I've known in general for a year and only really started doing anything in less than six months ago. Is six months really enough time to resolve issues over gender and the identifying gender of our spouse or boyfriend when it took him over 25 years to accept it for himself (and still has years to go)?
I don't think so.
But if there is care with the time frame that things happen, and if the SO/GG is willing to grow and accept and figure this out, then it could be seen as an obligation for the CDer to accommodate her.
What does everyone think of this?
Sobe
::EDIT:: I also wanted to clarify my original post. I mentioned the 1950s. I didn't mean to say that fifties fashion is bad for anyone. I LOVE it in fact. Check out daddyos.com for my clothing wishlist. I want everything! What I meant was the 1950s attitude. Women are supposed to wear dresses and stay at home and cook and clean and so forth. It seems like some CDers are stuck in that mentality. That's what I meant.