Where am I going wrong ?

[KatGRL774]

Quite honestly, I would have read you too. I don't know if that's because I've seen so many CD's on websites (or because I am one) - but that face shot would have me scratching my head if I saw you in public...

First - you are a man, so you're fighting against reality here to try and create an illusion. The thing for me that 100% tips my brain into saying, "something's not quite right" is the hair. It looks quite obviously fake, too blonde, not the right texture.. etc. If you could find a wig that looked totally real on you then you would probably break that barrier into "passable".

Your face isn't bad, your makeup looks good - but that hair invites the mind to question everything else. Good luck..

~Kat

[darla_g]

you know i do agree with several of the points made earlier. i asked my wife for a GG opinion and she pointed out a few things. Now keep in mind (and i think this goes for everyone that has given you feedback that all of this intended to be constructive and helpful to you for your goals)

Her point was that the mannerisms in your pictures are very exaggerated and not particularly ladylike. The wig could be a little bit bet styled as well. If you are out in public are you reserved or more demonstrative? these are things that may draw excessive attention to yourself and then people start really examining you and finding fault. But she did add this is no different from a woman for instance that is clearly overweight and wearing something either too young or too tight for her body. Similar type of reaction.

From my standpoint you look 100 times better than me, but then again i am not trying to make my way out in public. I think you;ve got yourself really upset now and a lot of it is your criteria. It;s not like you judge whether its a complete success or failure by incidences like you mentioned. Sure you were unhappy about some of the reactions, but inside weren't you happy you just did it? I think you should take this as a learning experience and really assess what you want from your dressing and your appearance.

Good luck and keep posting your adventures! It seemed like in your previous posts that you seemed to be enjoying yourself soo much! Don't let that stop.

[Aeslyn]

As for the comment made !! Salandra was right. I'd would look at the "real man" remark more as a compliment than anything whether the guy meant it that way or not. It does take guts to go out dress. I'll admit that most of the people on here have more guts than even I (the big ex-rugby playing navy boat driver) have and I truly admire them for it.

But what is so important about "passing" and why? Isn't "passing" lying. You aren't really a woman so when you make others think you are then haven't you lied.
This thought has actually brought up a major question for me and I think I might post on it.

Truthfully, just be who you are cause that is more beautiful than anything you are not.

[docrobbysherry]

I probably have more wigs than shoes! (Anyone believe that?) Some wigs just look WRONG with some of Sherry's outfits and looks. But great with others! I usually can't tell at the time, looking in the mirror. But I can by looking at her pics later. Don't feel bad. There's plenty of GG's walking around that have no clue either!
RS

[Nicki B]

But honestly, very, very few people pass 100% all the time.. And most of them are on hormones and have their own hair.. Please, don't obsess about passing?

. .

[Holly]

Where are you going wrong? Letting other people decide of you are having a good time or if you belong. Suzy, you have a perfect right to go where you want, do what you want and wear what you want. Do you know what I notice in your pics? The sparkle in your eyes just isn't there. Honey, crank up that attitude; you're a fine person, worthy of respect, and proud of who you are. Now, go have some fun!

[Wendi {LI NY}]

Hi Hon,
Listen passing is so overrated,but the word you are looking for is blending with other ggs. What are they wearing ? Slacks + blouse maybe ? Sometimes the chothes we wear give us away . Mind you I love a nice skirt and blouse but if I am out in the daytime ,I wear what most ggs are wearing not dress or skirts ,but slacks and blouse . Age appropriate chothing and make-up is a must. I do agree with Dee,It is time to get a wig that blends with your look and age .I do like your wig ,but it may make you stand out?
Hugs Wendi
SOrry ,It is only my opinion.:2c:

[Jennaie]

It's very difficult as others have said to critique someone from a couple of pics.

I do think the hair is "Too Blond" for you. I would try a darker shade of blond. I agree that perhaps a wig that is a bit shorter may help as well.

Remember to "look up" when your walking, holding your chin up and having a constant big smile on your face.

I agree with others that the very best thing you can do is have someone video you so that you can study yourself and see where you need improvement.

learning how shade and highlight with makeup is also very helpful.

Always dress your age and the same as most the other women where you go.

Good luck.

[deja true]

Suzy Please get back in touch here. We know you're feeling down, but none of us want to hurt you.

I realize it's probably some very weird late hour in Aussie-land, but we'll all keep checking back to hear from you.

Truth only hurts for little bit. Lies hurt forever. Believe me, I know.

Please sister,tell us you're okay.

Respect & Love

deja

[Angie G]

You look fine to me hun
Angie

[Julogden]

I know someone is going to say passing isn’t everything – but it sure beats being embarrassed in the middle of the high street ......

Hi Suzy,

Here's my :2c:.

Yep, you're right, I'm going to say it, passing isn't everything. For years, I was a member of 2 support groups, went to the meetings and social activities, hung out in clubs where lots of CD's hung out, I've seen hundreds of MTF CD's up close and in person, and I've seen maybe 2 or 3 who were pretty much passable, and they had undergone electrolysis (didn't have much beard to begin with), used their own long hair, had a naturally slender, female shape, weren't too tall and at least one was on prescription hormones. There may have been cosmetic surgery involved too. Actually, calling them CD's may not be totally accurate, most CD"s don't go the extremes that they did to look female.

And I've met non-passable CD's who go out in public anyway who were as happy as can be, the same as many here. They don't pass, but they're tolerated, which I feel is better than passing. Doesn't meant that going out in public when you're not passable is easy to do, I can't bring myself to do it, but it's what needs to be done if we want to let the world know we're here and that there's nothing to fear. TS's are a different subject entirely, but I've known TS's who weren't passable either, but it didn't stop them.

It's impossible to judge whether someone is passable from just a photo. Yes, in some cases, a photo will tell if someone is really NOT passable, but it's possible to look really good in a photo and not be remotely passable, so posting a photo here and asking if one is passable is a big waste of time, IMO. We can all suggest how to refine your looks, but we can't tell how you carry yourself, whether your voice is feminine or if you speak in a feminine manner, whether your body English and mannerisms are feminine, etc., there's a lot involved in passing.

About all you can do is make sure that everything is as good as you can make it without going crazy, and then get out there like you have been doing. Your time would be better spent working on accepting that you're going to be clocked on occasion than worrying about why you can't pass 100% of the time.

All that said, some things are a bit more important than others when trying to pass. Hair, face and voice are probably 80-90% of the equation, from what I've seen. The other stuff is important, but if your hair and face look very female and your voice sounds female, most people will overlook a lot of other things.

Anyway, regarding your situation, the main thing I would suggest is what some others have picked up on, your wig could be better, as it looks a bit wiggish. If you don't know how to style it, take it to a salon that does wig styling.

You already know that you are capable of going out in public and doing just fine, so get back on the horse and have fun again dear!


Carol

[Michelle (Oz)]

Hello Suzy
I was over in Perth 2 weeks ago and spent a very pleasant day en femme with my wife at the Carousel Shopping Mall before returning to the East. We helped the WA economy a little too. Sadly, Burswood Casino (again en femme) didn’t help my finances either.
I have followed your adventures with great interest and, to an extent, a little jealousy in that you have the capability of passing somewhat more than me. Given the heartache that you now feel about getting read, I think that my lack of ability to pass has put me in a better place. I am constantly read but have the confidence not to worry about it. In fact, I have only had two bad reactions in more than 100 outings, neither of which was embarrassing.
As Bobby Anne said, getting read is half the fun. Face reality and enjoy it. If you aren’t concerned about being read then you will be much more relaxed and let the fun follow. At the same time, I enjoy being totally femme and try hard to look good and walk femme though I haven’t worried about the voice to date.
An alternative to passing is to blend but again that limits your scope for wearing what you want to wear. I’m 57 but I recently purchased a long layered brown wig and wear it with strappy tops and skirts an inch or two above my knees. This is how I dressed at the Perth Mall. I love the look and the feel of the hair on my shoulders and back, and the sun and breeze. I know that I am attracting more attention resulting in more people reading me but I accept that trade-off since I like the look and the reactions of the public really are good. I do pick the occasion though and, for example, will be more conservative in dress when flying over the next 2 weeks.
The bottom line is to enjoy the honesty of not passing and be freed from the fear of being read. Hope this makes sense.
Michelle (Oz)

[Celeste]

Hi suzy,I think you look fine,every time I see your avatar I think it looks great to.Two things I can think of are, in your avatar and your close up, the wig is pulled down real snug and looks fine,then in the pic with the pants it seems to be riding up in the back slightly,maybe this happened the other day.I also liked the dress better,kind of a snugger fit,anyway I admire you a lot for stepping out even though their are the lingering jerks here and there,its a challenge not to let them stay in your thoughts.

[Kate Simmons]

Suzy, I looked at those pics you posted again and I will say again, you look fine. I get a great deal of joy and happiness for you when I read about your adventures en femme and I know you enjoy it. The important thing is have fun being yourself. The reaction from the public is the least of my concern. They are such "front runners" to begin with.

Even good looking celebrities get "panned" all the time, especially when they go to some function and some "critic" picks apart their appearance and what they wore. What do they care anyway? They are rich and swimming in money and the same people who agree with the critics will not stop watching the movies they make or watching them model clothes on the runway. We are "rich" in a different way and are admired for our boldness and willingness to be ourselves regardless of all the hoopala. We inspire that boldness in others which is really nothing to sneeze at because it shows we are not afraid to be ourselves and we show what we are really made of.

Being an individual takes guts no matter what one does. For myself, that is what doing this is all about and the fact that it is totally my choice makes it all the better. As much as "normal" people criticize what we do, there is one thing that cannot be argued. The world is a little bit prettier every time we go out and do this and that is our claim to "fame". Think about that.

[Genifer Teal]

From reading your post it became obvious you are concentrating too much on passing. Do your best to act female and the rest will come. My attitude is if their first thought is - Hey that's a man - I want their second thought to be - Maybe, but he/she looks good. You need the confidence to work what you got and not care what others think.

When I saw the pics my first thought was - no real problem here. Your choice of clothes is good. Their fit is appropriate. One thing that did strike me a bit is the wig. Some girls here seem to agree. I don't know if styling could help. Maybe the color - while nice - is too striking. I would try a different color that is more age appropriate.

It's like following GPS directions. You are headed in the right general direction, just a little off track. Once you recompute a new path, you will get there. You are doing just fine!

Hugs - Genifer

[Nicki B]

I'm a bit worried that so many people are mentioning Suzy's hair - of course being blonde will get you looked at, but the idea that a few cm's adjustment here or there will make you passable is a bit, well.... People usually make up their minds on the whole package, at a distance? Like I & others said, you can't tell from a still photo..

And there are plenty of women of a similar age to Suzy out there, wearing their hair bright blonde, even some wearing wigs - why should you have to dress dowdily, if you don't feel it?

And I've met non-passable CD's who go out in public anyway who were as happy as can be, the same as many here. They don't pass, but they're tolerated, which I feel is better than passing. Doesn't meant that going out in public when you're not passable is easy to do, I can't bring myself to do it, but it's what needs to be done if we want to let the world know we're here and that there's nothing to fear. TS's are a different subject entirely, but I've known TS's who weren't passable either, but it didn't stop them.

There's a difference, isn't there, between 'passing' and being 'passable'?

and there's a balance too, between 'blending' and not expressing yourself as you want the world to see you?

All that said, some things are a bit more important than others when trying to pass. Hair, face and voice are probably 80-90% of the equation, from what I've seen. The other stuff is important, but if your hair and face look very female and your voice sounds female, most people will overlook a lot of other things.

IMHO voice is only a few percent - get the other things right and people will discount what they hear, when they get up close, unless it's totally discordant and grates..

[Suzy Harrison]

Thank you all so much for reading my thread and for your replies.

[Nicki B]

Mlle Erin made a good point about after a while getting relaxed being out - and loosing concentration as far as mannerisms and ‘the walk’ is concerned. I think it’s possible as I do normally feel fairly relaxed out there, so I might not be keeping an eye on my female walk.

IMHO, relaxing is a good thing? Lose the learned male mannerisms, definitely, but putting on female mannerisms will look just that - put on? :hmmm:

Simply get used to walking with your palms facing slightly forward - that changes the whole set of your arms, hips and shoulders, by changing your elbow angle? (Try it in the mirror, see what I mean)

[Mitch23]

I have a similar hair issue. the wig i have at the moment I love, but I am aware that it is a bit 'bright' and may draw attention to me. I've also been out a few times drab and wearing unusual clothing like my fave woolly hat and I picked up on several glances and some comments and sniggers that i thought were directed at mw but probably were not. People do this for all sorts of reasons that have nothing to do with the 'tranny radar' which is usually in our own heads anyway. I like a bit of comment and banter anyway - it would be so boring if no-one took any notice!

Mitch

[Julogden]

IMHO voice is only a few percent - get the other things right and people will discount what they hear, when they get up close, unless it's totally discordant and grates..

Hi Nicki,

Not looking for a fight, but I strongly and respectfuly disagree with that. I've known TS's who were completely passable in all respects except voice, and they were consistently clocked because they didn't sound quite right. Voice is VERY important if you want to pass.

Carol

[SherriePall]

Suzy -- I know I'm joining this fray a little bit into it, but I have to ask, are you really sure you were clocked? Were the guys at the coffee shop talking about you or someone else (either passing by or someone they know)? Was the guy smiling and almost laughing, smiling because of you? He could have been thinking of something funny or just heard something which brought the smile to his face. Unfortunately, I have done that at the most inappropriate times (while listening to someone's misfortunes, for instance).
We often are so self-conscious that we automatically assume that the actions of others are about us. Kind of paranoid.
Whatever, keep your chin up, go out and have fun.

[jennifer41356]

I think you would look very cute with an auburn hair color,
in that last pic, your makeup looks great and you have a cute face....dont let it get you down

[Jennaie]

I think you would look very cute with an auburn hair color,
in that last pic, your makeup looks great and you have a cute face....dont let it get you down

Honestly, I can't really tell what hair color would look best on you but I do know this, For myself, I found that my natural hair color was a good place to start.

[bemusedwife]

Suzy,

I think you are a very brave person, good for you dear.

Julie

[Dita_B]

Hello Suzy... I have not been on the forum for a while and I am sorry I missed your thread...

I have read all the posts and there is some really good advise here IMHO... especially concerning attitude.

I respectfully do not necessarily agree with the wig issue though... I think you should wear what you feel great in and if it is blond combined with micro mini, so be it...

However, you will attract more attention, and if you have a weak point in your defenses in regard to being read, perhaps it is time to perform a review of the way you present yourself... Being clocked is part of the game, so if you want to reduce your exposure, tame down your looks a bit and you'll see things will change immediately...

Now, if you don't want to adjust your looks, you'll have to adjust your attitude against unwelcome comments. I have calculated that I have been out in public over the last year more than 150 times for at least 4 hours at a time in full public view, not in my car but walking the Malls among other people in the peak hours... And as you know, I am 6' - 2" on my bare feet and I walk on my high heeled boots as much as I possibly can... (They start to hurt after 4 hours straight)...

So I know I don't pass all the time, despite the fact that I pay extreme attention to my mannerisms... But my bad experiences I can count on my two hands... My worst experience was lately when I walked out of the Mall in the down town core on a Saturday afternoon and a group of young guys came up the stairs while I was going down, and they started saying: "that is a man"... And than when they had passed me, they shouted from behind echoing all through the mall: " A GUY!!!" ...

You know what? I couldn't care less... Of course I cared, but I was not going to let them ruin my experience out there. So I calmly continued getting down the stairs on my stiletto heels without slipping and walked calmly out into the street. And I think nobody cared, because I didn't notice anyone taking offense because of me, perhaps the only offense was against the shouting by itself...

I think attitude is everything. I have learned that in the clubs I have been and observed the drag queens attitudes... People prey on your weaknesses and you communicate yours with your attitude as well... When you show yourself strong and self assured, chances for harassments diminish as rapid as snow in the sun...

I react normally to stares and comments as I would react in drab... when they stare, I stare back and when they comment, I comment back... But it depends on the situation, I am not going to get into a discussion with some rowdy guys in a packed Mall on a Saturday afternoon...

So in resume, in my opinion, I still think you look like a drop dead gorgeous, your wig is fine and you should keep up the good work. Don't let a few bad experiences ruin your day, just focus on all the good ones and the successes you had...

Dita.