Wow, deja! As a good friend of mine was fond of saying, "If poking them with the 'Rapier of Truth' doesn't work, then hit them upside the head with 'Baseball Bat of Reality'"

When I was very young (pre-adolescent) I had a fondness for women's clothing but was shamed by my parents so I felt guilty about it.

In my adolescent years, I got sexual gratification from wearing women's clothes but felt guilt afterwards as well as lonely and, well, kind of disgusted with myself and had thoughts like: "Why am I such a loser that I can't get my own girlfriend? Why do I have to pretend I'm a girl?"

After I got marred with my first wife, I felt guilty and disgusted still because I had a great sex life with someone yet I was carrying on like I did when I was a teenager.

So I quit for over 10 years.

The urges hit me again VERY strongly this past year but I guess that I've reached a point in my life where I'm more accepting of myself and others. Oddly enough, one thing that has changed, though, is that I don't really get sexually aroused when I dress now. It isn't about that kind of thrill for me anymore. Now, it's more about a completeness - a whole me - that I have. One side benefit is that I don't have to be dressed in women's clothing to feel that (although knowing I have smooth legs and arms is a nice reminder). I'm much more balanced now in the ways I deal with stress, friends, family, work, and life in general. My anger issues and feelings of guilt have subsided to the point that I don't feel like a danger to myself and those around me. Life is now pretty good!

For me, time, age, and experience have served me well. Perhaps a little more time is what you need to allow yourself. I think it's great that you're asking these questions; it shows that you care about yourself and others around you. That's a very mature and courageous thing you're doing. Keep at it. Take all the time you need. And be open to all points of view and decide for yourself who you are and what you want and need to be. Just try not to beat yourself up too much over this.

Dee3 has an interesting point about OCD. I suffered with OCD and clinical Depression for a few years before I finally reached a breaking point and landed in my doctor's office as a complete mess. If you're exhibiting any of the tell-tell symptoms of Depression or OCD, you might want to talk to your doctor about it and see if an SSRI (like Prozac) will help. It might or it might not. You won't know until you try. The nice thing about SSRI's is that there are really no bad side-effects to taking it whether you have Depression or not.

I hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck!