Thanks for the suggestions, advice, and questions.
To answer a few questions, if I had no constraints, I would at least move towards living as a woman.
We have discussed our other problems in our relationship. These have been resolved as best as possible, with us agreeing to disagree to a large part. In other words, these will continue, more than likely, with one of us giving sometimes, than the other, but without clear resolution. It does sound like we have dug in our heels, and I know this sounds self-serving, but I have really compromised more on these issues than she has. I have constantly told her, and I believe I have been true to this, that I want a partnership, not a dictatorship. I will make my share of decisions, as appropriate, and take responsibility for my mistakes. But she must also make some tough choices, and be responsible for her mistakes, which she is generally unwilling to do. This is a large part of our problem. There are other strong issues, but this is a good example. I would also like a little credit when credit is due. I basically get none. That is not too much to ask.
What my wife finds hard is in fact all-encompassing. She doesn't want to picture me looking like a woman ("that would be gross"), she doesn't want to go to counseling ("it's your problem, not mine"), she won't accept offers of internet links, books, or anything else. She doesn't want to notice my clothes (though I know she has "peeked" at them) discuss any aspect of what I do, except to find out when I am going out. Her attitudes have hardened over the years btw. As mentioned before, our current agreement ( I think "me being allowed" is a better phrase) is that I go out twice a month. I posed this question to her once, "If I wanted to play golf, 4-5 times a month, would you be ok with that?" She said, "yes". It's not the time or anything, it's the activity.
Yes, she is worried that the other woman will take over, I am sure. That is a valid concern, and we have discussed that possibly. In my case, that's code for me realizing that I am further along the path toward TS than just cding.
IMO, she does want to stay married to what she thinks is me.
Here's the thing. I believe with her it is an "all or nothing" scenario. Not so with me, but I realize that it may be all, and have discussed the possibility with her.
I don't believe that anything short of a complete mental makeover, would satisfy her. That is not going to happen.
Hey listen, I am not looking to receive public approval to leave my wife or anything. I suppose it sounds like I am purposely painting a bleak picture for that purpose, but it's not true. I am bouncing thoughts and ideas off my friends here so that I can get my thoughts together on the issue. As I said before, I will give it more thought, will pursue more communication with my wife.
Once again, thank you all for sharing with me so many valid thoughts and questions.
