Whose decision is it?

[battybattybats]

Batty, are you now or have you ever been married?

No, my longest relationship was cohabiting for almost 6 years though. But I have seen enough abusive marriages around me to know just how vital for womens (and mens) rights it was to ensure that the right to privacy legally counted even in marriage.

The right to privacy exists at all levels, between parents and children, husband and wife, and of course citizens have a right to privacy from the state but not so much vice versa on the last in a democracy.

That statement of yours that I quoted sounds as though it comes from a person who has never experienced "true" married love. If two people really truly love each other and are completely honest with each other, privacy is not an issue!

Two people being so completely honest with each other is rare indeed. And not so much as common as you seem to think. Despite the depth of love, and often very much because of it people on a daily basis deceive in small and large ways those around them. As the statistics on cheating and deception on a host of issues shows. Few are so principled as to be able to bear the consequences of extreme honesty or are fortunate enough to not have such consequences to suffer.

If you have read my other posts, you know that I was married over 49 years to the same wonderful lady. She supported my CD activities for the entire time, always knowing that I was still her Man underneath the dress, skirt, etc! We never had a problem with "privacy!"

And your good fortune is no yardstick to measure by when many will not be so fortunate (please see Rawls Veil Of Ignorance test of justice). Rights exist to protect those whose fortunes are not so great or who may be abused by power.

Kelli, your wife married a man!! Now you want to live as a woman! Not what she expected you to do. Sure, she knew you were a CD before you were married! But it is fairly obvious you never told her about your very strong feminine desires. IMHO, you are the only one who has any blame! If you had told her the whole truth back when your marriage started, you probably would not be in the position you are in right now. Yes, you might not even be married. But that might be the best route for you, given what you want to do with your life.

See now this is where ignorance, just lack of knowledge or worse willfull ignorance, of the psychological reality of repression and the results of fear gets you. Should we condemn the victims of child abuse for not informing their spouses prior to marriage? After all most do not! And most tend to suffer ongoing mental health issues from that trauma that manifests years into the marriage affecting the entire family!

Because us CDs are traumatised into repression. Just like the closeted homosexuals of past decades were. Thats why there are those comorbidities of depression, anxiety etc and that horribly high suicide rate.

Even when a CD, or a victim of rape as while far from the same the process is similar, informs their partner well before such a commitment as marriage the healling process takes time and its path cannot easilly be predicted. So if someone thinks they are merely a CD but their growing self acceptance in the safe space of a seemingly secure relationship leads them to discover they are TS there is no betrayel by the CD there, merely a best guess from a position of ordinary ignorance. That is blameless no matter how in error it can be!

Crossdressing itself is not necessarily being Transgendered, but wanting to have breast implants and live 24/7 as a woman certainly qualifies one as being Transgendered, or maybe even Transsexual.

A tomboy is transgender. By definition every crossdresser is transgender.

Certainly informing a prospective spouse beforehand of being a CD, of the small but real possibility one could turn out to be a TS is the ethical, the clearly right thing to do. But the assumption that everyone is just plain capable of easilly doing so is unfair in just the same way as assuming everyone is capable of confessing to their suffering sexual assault. In reality only a minority have the strength and courage to do so!

Its oh so easy for those of us like you and me who were so capable of such a confession to sit in judgement on others, to blame the victims of a pattern of psychological repression seen in every major stygmatised minority group in history for their own suffering. But the trouble is that such a pattern of repression does exist. It's darn obvious once you look at other similar populations of oppressed and stygmatised people who go through the exact same pattern!