Did you ever think because you CD you were gay?

[Annemarie]

Like a psychiatrist said Cding is a halfway house to homosexuality, no wonder we are confused. The vast majority of us are straight and our libido is attracted to all things feminine, hence the dressing and attraction to other CDs, most gays are attracted to men looking like men, not men dressed as women. There is a minority of us who want to be with men as women , fulfilling a strong fantasy /wanting to go as far as possible in our "womanhood", the bi when dressed group. True Gay TVs exist though, and they are a significant minority of a minority.

[SarahPerth]

I don't consider myself gay. However like a number of girls here I do find that when Im dressed and in femme mode my fantasies do include men. Ordinarily I dont look at guys that way. But when Im dressed I enjoy being noticed by men. Guess that makes me bi. Not sure about labels thou.

[laura.lapinski]

Yes, I was confused a little bit. I didn't think I was gay, but I thought there had to be something wrong or different about me when I was younger. Like many, I have fantasies of being with T-Girls or very fem CD's, and sometimes with men, but I never look at men and become aroused. I always wondered what it would be like to go out dressed in maximum femininity and see how I would feel, but since I don't go out I might never actually know. I think I would be attracted to men if I was dressed like that an in a club, but what we fantasize about and do are two different things. I don't feel the need to find out, and I'm okay with things the way they are. For this I guess I could be labeled bi-curious.

[Patricia1]

Like many here, I have loving thoughts of & for women and am always eyeballing them when I'm not en femme. At the same time, like many of us, I am also checking the chicks out for mannerisms, for certain looks, etc. to improve my own look and carriage. When I'm dressed as Patricia I think more entirely as a woman, that is, more feminine which means that I also think of men. I don't consider this to be anything more than me being me. When I dress as Pattie, I want to be as much of a woman as I can. Lots of mind games, huh?

[TxKimberly]

When I was in my early teens I think I worried about the idea in my confusion, but I have never had the slightest bit of interest in men.

[Ballerina]

When I was younger, it had crossed my mind. It wasn't really a fear thing, but was at the same time. But, I just brushed it off and began to think that I was probably the only guy on the planet that was into women's clothing and straight. After researching on the community and joining these forums, I was quickly proved wrong and am glad to know I'm not out on alone I have no interest in men or other tg/tv. But, I do have a brother that just became single

[shesadvl]

This may be a bit odd but I was wondering since in today’s world if you CD you just abut get labeled gay, when you first started CD were you ever attracted to men or both? Did you automatically think that since you CD you were gay?

When I was younger I thought I was BI or transgender. I remember when I was in college I experimented a bit I found a transgender club that had all sorts of stiles wrestling they had regular wrestling, cat fighting, and erotic wrestling and I did some cat fighting and erotic wrestling matches. I found that while I like to CD and play a woman for the most part I’m very much attracted to women.

Geoff

not at all Geoff,
my partner told me in one of our many chats about CDing he wondered if he was gay, so he went & found out for himself if he was attracted to men, even though he loves wearing womens clothing, said it wasnt a very pleasant experience, so he knows he is definitely not gay, hence he is very hetrosexual, not bi, at all as he is very attracted to women, loves women.

I was conferring with a girl friend of mine about an issue I had with my new SO, she has not met my new partner yet, so had not told her about my new partner being a CD'er ., she said straight up is he gay, I said NO he CD's and she was great about all this understood him perfectly, wouldnt matter if he was gay either, in the fact he loves women, but a special person with a good heart etc. so this blew me away, by her positive reaction, as I accept him for who he is and how he is. I assure you he aint gay. Just always himself as he says dressed or undressed.

on a quick glance at what Patricia1 says about eyeballing women yup thats my partner as well laffing....no harm in eyeballing its the want to emulate a particular look....as in we were in a supermarket and he saw a woman dressed very elegantly in highheels slacks and a real nice blouse/shirt, the comment was thats how I would love to look.. but what he didnt realise when hes dressed that way he does look like that...cept the hair now thats another thing laffing and I know he reads in here.... im bad yeh thats methen i luff him even if hes eyeballing another woman

[Shayna2008]

I often wondered if I dress as a girl because I secretly wanted a man, but found that's probably not what the situation for me was. I consider myself bi.

It's a weird situation with me. I find women attractive but mostly look at them to see what they're wearing or how their hair is done, etc. I don't get sexual feelings towards women anymore hardly. I can talk/interact with them for hours, though.
I've realized I find mature, older men attractive. I like a man who's sweet and is a gentleman (rare nowadays it seems, especially with guys my age). And to top it all off, I have a girlfriend who knows all this and is ok with it!

Not sure what the future will hold, but OK with being straight, bi or gay.

[Debutante]

When the compulsion of CDing started for me, I had BIG fears that I was gay, or that this would lead me to becoming gay. I know myself better now... i've always been attracted to women, even though i wish to emulate them.
But being with a man isn't my cup of tea....

[epsxyblkm]

I can say that I never felt that I was gay, but there are times when I am dressed, that having a man around would be GREAT.

I think that part of that is my wanting some validation.

But, I have to admit that I was with a man before.

[PrettyFlowingGown]

It would'nt take me much to get with a man again depending on the situation. If I was dressed up really beautiful, and a nice handsome man comented on it, and he was well mannered, shaven, and had no beer breath, I reckon I'd give him a chance. I was aproached saturday night, but the guy had beer breath, and was'nt shaven....it was a put off. Just not my thing.

[Elisa]

During my first period of actively crossdressing, I was in those (usually) sexually confused mid teens, and I have to admit I considered all options back then.
But after a while, I started looking it up (no "real" internet in the early 90's) at the library, and found a few articles in magazines that showed me it was completely normal to be both straight and crossdressing, and my fears of being gay faded away.

Now that I'm older, I no longer have a fear of being gay, should I ever "change my mind", but the certainty of me being straight has gotten stronger.

To rephrase what someone else said..

I love all aspects of women, their personality, their body and their clothes.

[Amy Hepker]

When I was very young I was under pressure that if a Boy put on a dress or girl clothes, you were crazy, or "Queer" You have to remember the meaning of Queer by the dictionary is "Something Odd" Not Gay although that seems to e the meaning these days. Gay? No never, I always wanted girls and still do. Guys are Gross, Sorry.

[deja true]

It's the feminine that attracts me. No attraction to MEN...you know...masculine guys. I think they're kinda gross, too. All that loud talk and swaggering...eww!

While most of us aren't gay, we're not really straight either, are we?

But I am kinda wondering what it might have been like to grow up like the majority of guys...with that totally straight outlook on life and women.

I guess I'm hetero-curious! :D

[Thalia]

I have never thought of myself as bi or gay. Always, since I can remember I've been attacted to women. I've been married twice, my first wife never knew about my cross dressing (she would NEVER have understood) and my second wife does know and is somewhat accepting. In fact, since I came out to her, I think our sex has been more intimate and loving. As a young person, my CD confused me as to my sexuality but I never thought of myself as gay because I never felt any attraction to males.

[marla01]

I never considered myself gay. I've always been analytical (i.e. a nerd) so I had no trouble separating sexual attraction from gender.

But then I realized I was gay. If I'm a woman attracted to women, then I am ipso facto gay.

Then the walls of social prejudice fell apart, and I found sexual attraction to be much more complex that labels like gay and straight. The labels became unimportant.

Where am I today? As a man, we probably could apply the label hetero to me. Certainly I have absolutely no interest in a man as a man. A man-man relationship has no value to me.

But I do find that as previously noted, I very much love man-woman relationships (hetero) woman-woman relationships (gay). But there is one more quadrant available here. That is the woman-man relationship. And that is a relationship I have also learned to enjoy. Note that I find relating to a man as a woman is quite different than relating to a man as a man. I consider relating to a man as a woman to be hetero, not gay, but I'm sure others who think that the physical defines sexual relationships would argue otherwise.

The point is that being transgendered destroyed the very meaning of 'gay' to me. It does not have any meaning when one changes gender.

Marla

[MissConstrued]

I consider relating to a man as a woman to be hetero, not gay, but I'm sure others who think that the physical defines sexual relationships would argue otherwise.

And I will. Hetero, my left ass.

If you have two lesbians, and one is wearing men's jeans, does that make them both straight?

There's so little stigma left attached to "gay" any more, and even less to "bi" which is almost trendy nowadays. Why do we need cockamamie excuses? You want to role-play? Fine. Wearing makeup does not make a man into a woman -- never has, never will. You can fantasize all you like -- it's your life, and no one has any right to tell you otherwise. But I must insist on proper use of the English vocabulary. Two guys having sex is not hetero -- it's homo. End of story.

[Super Amanda]

I agree with MissConstrued. And as for me? No attraction to males, at all sexually. I consider myself to be straight. I understand wanting to be validated by a man, but I'll take a compliment and that's about it. Men are icky!

[KimberlyS]

Let me put it the way I learned it from my parents.


Being gay was bad. VERY BAD.

Gays were sissies, queers, and perverts.

Drag queens were gay guys wearing female clothes.

I liked wearing female clothes.

I was gay and a sissy.

I was bad and a pervert.


So how is my bad logic. It took me a while to get over that. I also have friends that are gay. We are all Good people.
And that is my out line on the subject.

kim

[Barbara Dugan]

Yes I think I am.... I enjoy relationships only with masculine guys while dressed never with gg or t-girls and I really don't consider this activity hetero on the other hand I also enjoy a relationship with a gg
but never while dressed or in femm does this make me straight or Bi? honestly I really don't care... sex is good no matter how

[marla01]

And I will. Hetero, my left ass.

If you have two lesbians, and one is wearing men's jeans, does that make them both straight?

There's so little stigma left attached to "gay" any more, and even less to "bi" which is almost trendy nowadays. Why do we need cockamamie excuses? You want to role-play? Fine. Wearing makeup does not make a man into a woman -- never has, never will. You can fantasize all you like -- it's your life, and no one has any right to tell you otherwise. But I must insist on proper use of the English vocabulary. Two guys having sex is not hetero -- it's homo. End of story.

I would point out that 'gender' is very much a social construct. As such, there is no absolute 'truth' nor is there 'fantasy' within the bounds of that construct. There cannot be. The measure of a viewpoint or belief is not in the 'truth' but instead how that view of the world works for an individual.

It is fairly apparent that we have strongly divergent views on the nature of 'gender'. I am having to guess some from your post but it seems to me that you think physical sex defines gender. Certainly, this is a common viewpoint. It's a very black and white view of the world, and certainly under that definition, sexual preference is just as black and white as you are trying to paint it. If the person has a penis, and the partner has a penis, it therefore must be a gay relationship.

But I have discovered that black and white view has a great many problems in describing the diversity of gender, sexuality, sex and humanity. I could go through a whole list of facts that shed doubt on the sex is gender is fixed belief system, but just let me say that I have found a much more effective model of the world, at least for myself.

In that model, physical sex is fairly independent of gender and gender is not immutable. This model certainly seems to describe my own person, a male woman, quite well. And perhaps more importantly, it gives me a construct that gives me the tools for a successful life (and yes, I have a quite successful life).

I would suggest that any view of the world that leads to a more successful life cannot be 'fantasy' as you seem to want to paint it. For that matter, I would question your view of the world. Your post seemed quite angry. Could it be because your view has not been very successful?

I would also like to touch on language for a second. You insisted that I use some unknown dictionaries definitions to constrain my use of language. I would suggest that again, we have different world views here. For me, the purpose of language is to communicate, it is not to constrain thought. The purpose of a dictionary is to describe how words are commonly used, not to constrain how one thinks and views the world. As such, it is perfectly acceptable to modify the English language as new ideas and concepts grow within our society. The criteria here is not how well the word matches some silly dictionary, but instead how well the word communicates the ideas of the writer. I think that the way I used the terms did meet this criteria of communication.

Marla:2c:

[laura.lapinski]

Yes I think I am.... I enjoy relationships only with masculine guys while dressed never with gg or t-girls and I really don't consider this activity hetero on the other hand I also enjoy a relationship with a gg
but never while dressed or in femm does this make me straight or Bi? honestly I really don't care... sex is good no matter how

It makes you schizophrenic (just kidding). It makes you bi, but as you said, who cares! You enjoy it all so much, that is so cool and what is important.

Laura

[AKKaren]

[SIZE="2"]My heart goes out to all of those who are confused as to what "category" you fit into. This social labeling is so wrong and causes so much pain.
My whole young life I was tortured by thoughts of being "wrong". As a child I read every scrap of information I could about Transsexuals, CD's and gays to try to understand what "niche" I fit in and try to fix myself. There wasn't much out there in the 60's and 70's in a small town. As my step family, siblings and parents found out about my 'perversions', I was ridiculed, taunted, and called "Gay". An openly gay step brother tried to come on to me many times, which was finally repulsed by the threat of a slow death. Suicide was an option seriously considered most of my younger years. My fundamentalist "Christian" (AKA hateful of anything different) family persecuted me mercilessly. I joined the Marines to try to "cure" myself of being "Gay", which only confused me more, since I cannot stand to be around testosterone soaked jocks, but helped me grow tremendously as an adult with a talent with heavy machinery and electronics. It was only when the internet came along with its bottomless well of information that I finally realized that I'm a CD and now accept myself. Being Gay is just another way of being human. [/SIZE]

[Carly D.]

I never thought that I was gay.. the thought never crossed my mind, either when I was young and confused or now as a middle aged cross dresser with the same confused existance.. I say confused because I don't think I can honestly say I know why I cross dress.. I don't know why all those years ago I thought "hmm I wonder what those shoes would feel like if I wore them??" or the same thing as I graduated from shoes to hose to skirts to dresses and then makeup/jewelry.. the whole thing... but gay never entered into my mind.. it wasn't and isn't sexual in that way.. I think it is more of a self expression type of thing.. an experiment of sorts.. kind of the old saying "if it feels good do it" and it felt and still does feel good..

[MissConstrued]

For me, the purpose of language is to communicate, it is not to constrain thought.

And we can only communicate so long as words have meanings. If everyone decides to use words in accordance with their own personal semantics, we'll have a massive breakdown in communication.

My posts are never angry. I do my best to use words in such a manner that my point is clear, which quite often comes across as blunt. Flowery prose breeds misunderstanding.

Call yourself whatever you wish. Just don't expect others to believe that a relationship involving you -- a male -- with another male, is heterosexual. We are talking about physical sex here. Otherwise, why pretend words have meanings at all? Why don't we all just throw our dictionaries away, and mumble and grunt to each other?