I just don't fit!

[jruiz]

Yesterday, I was taking some pictures of myself dresses to post them in the pictures gallery. When I saw the pictures, I was so disappointed by the looks.

Arms too masculine (although I was covering them), my hands, my torso (too broad on the top)... I just decided to erase the pictures and not upload them. I didn't feel happy about that.

At night, I went to the Gym to my spinning class. Of course, there is a mirror. I was in my guy's clothes, and I just looked myself as too thin and quite feminine. Maybe not feminine, but just petite. I didn't feel happy about that.

I'm short (between 5'6 and 5'7), slim (150 lbs, 11% body fat).

I just feel I don't fit in either mode. Maybe it's all in my head. Have you ever had the same feeling? How do you deal with it?

[TommiTN]

I think probably most of us have had similar feelings. The thing to remember is that GGs come in all shapes and sizes and have all manner of "flaws" such as large hands/feet, broad shoulders, etc. You are being too hard on yourself. Just relax and go look at some women. You'll see what I mean. A lot of us would kill for your measurements. Go have fun and stop worrying!

[Megan_Okana]

Ive felt like that many times. But what gurl isnt scared that a pic is going to turn out bad. Try taking a pic of a GG when shes not ready, they hide and cover up. Its just part of being a gurl so dont be so hard on yourself. we all feel like that

[TxKimberly]

I doubt it's much consolation, but you have lots of company, to include myself. Too masculine for a woman, to femme for a man - can't win.

[Michelle S]

Yesterday, I was taking some pictures of myself dresses to post them in the pictures gallery. When I saw the pictures, I was so disappointed by the looks.

Arms too masculine (although I was covering them), my hands, my torso (too broad on the top)... I just decided to erase the pictures and not upload them. I didn't feel happy about that.

Hands can be hard. I don't know if you plan to go out en femme, but for photo's try posses that don't show them. Look in clothing catalogs for ideas. I have small hands and am lucky in this respect, but I do have broad shoulders. I cannot make them smaller, but I wear hip pads to balance them.

At night, I went to the Gym to my spinning class. Of course, there is a mirror. I was in my guy's clothes, and I just looked myself as too thin and quite feminine. Maybe not feminine, but just petite. I didn't feel happy about that.

I'm short (between 5'6 and 5'7), slim (150 lbs, 11% body fat).

You can be masculine without looking like a linebacker. Where do you buy your guy clothes? I know there are specialty shops for big & tall men. Are there similar shops for petite men?

I just feel I don't fit in either mode. Maybe it's all in my head. Have you ever had the same feeling? How do you deal with it?

Of course everything is in our heads. That's what brains are for: perceiving & thinking. Google "body image". There are many sites on dealing with body image issues.

[Babette]

Jruiz, please don't be so hard on yourself. Taking self portraits with a camera can be one of the most challenging types of photography to do well. If you have every had a professional photo shoot, then you will remember how the photographer is always tilting your head, repositioning your body, or fussing with something. Why? Because they can see all of the little details from the camera's viewpoint just before pressing the shutter. See, that's why so many self portraits are less than stellar.

There are a lot of ways to minimize less desirable features. The right kind of clothing has much to do with it.

I doubt there are many CDs, GGs, GMs TMs, or whatever, that are 100% satisfied with their look. From the sounds of your personal description, you have a lot of positive attributes.

Don't despair and I wish you the best of luck.

Babette

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Very few of us can really achieve that look - I know that I can't - Sometimes

I become so dissappointed, frustrated, envious and sad, all at the same time,

because when I look at the pictures posted on this website and FORUM, I

wish that I could look like that and I want so bad to look like they do, and the

reality of it all is that it is not going to happen. No matter what I do to try

to change my appearance, losing weight, etc, I know that I will NEVER

look like some of the Stunning Beauties on this Website (they know they are).


Coming to that realization, I know that I am and will always be a Crossdresser

and that I have to dress frequently and all I can ever acheive is to try my

best to enjoy my creation of the best Feminine Lady (JoAnne) that I can

with what I have to work with. And that is what all of us should try to

accomplish. Not every Crossdresser can be lovely as a fashion model, but

then, neither can real GGs. Just try to be the best you can and enjoy your

transformation into Feminiity - that is just my opinion.


JoAnne Wheeler

[kathrynjanos]

I'm gonna jump in on this complaint - I'm 6'4", 230 lbs, and that's all a nice beer belly. I could lose it if I exhibited any self control, but I always "will get to it tomorrow." I used to be 180 at the same height, so I really hate my body right now, and it looks nothing if not thoroughly masculine. So, quit you're griping! And I mean that in a semipositive manner.

That is, you're in a far better place than many of us. So go out there, look for inspiration, and deal with it. You'll figure out some ways to get it right.

[jruiz]

Thank you all!

I know that women come in all shapes, but they don't usually come in man shapes

Maybe I'm being too hard with myself. I'm just a bit frustrated. I wish I could find a petite guys store. I haven't find it yet.

I'd love to go out dressed, but I don't think I should. I care about passing, or at least not being so evident and be ridiculed.

Kim: you don't look masculine to me! Your pictures are awesome.

Maybe I should go back, take the pictures and ask for some recommendations from you...

[kathrynjanos]

Pictures help. There are some ladies here who have some extensive experience in helping to hide masculine features. If you haven't tried yet, I'd recommend trying some makeup. Get a gf or female friend/relative to help you with makeup. I think you'd find it's not nearly as bad as you think. Once I put on makeup with my gf's help, I found that my face is a lot rounder than I thought and since I have big blue eyes, they really pop with some mascara and eyeliner.

"My crush with eyeliner..."

[jruiz]

I'm gonna jump in on this complaint - I'm 6'4", 230 lbs, and that's all a nice beer belly. I could lose it if I exhibited any self control, but I always "will get to it tomorrow." I used to be 180 at the same height, so I really hate my body right now, and it looks nothing if not thoroughly masculine. So, quit you're griping! And I mean that in a semipositive manner.

That is, you're in a far better place than many of us. So go out there, look for inspiration, and deal with it. You'll figure out some ways to get it right.

Hi Kathryn,

Not sure about what "semipositive" means, I guess that the same as "seminegative"...

I don't mean to annoy anyone with my post, I'm just being honest and it's just the way I feel. I understand that I'm in the middle, and this is what really bothers me. All I know is that I still can't get a decent look.

Some gurls here are much bigger/heavier than me and have great results. It's not just a matter of size, but a matter or shape.

Actually, I find that the most passable gurls around here are the ones that are very skinny or that carries some additional weight. And actually, I think that the larger ones are the most convincing ones. But again, too skinny or too heavy will not be healthy for me and will not make me good look as a guy.

Maybe I just have to work harder selecting my wardrobe. I'll try to post my pictures and ask for some help. Stay tuned...

[kathrynjanos]

Hi Kathryn,

Not sure about what "semipositive" means, I guess that the same as "seminegative"...

As in "quit bitching." And the reason that's as much positive as it is negative, it comes down to "You'll never get anything accomplished griping about it."

I think it's appropriate to invoke Rocky Horror here: Don't dream it, be it.

I whined a lot at first (I whine about everything), saying that I am too tall, I have too big of feet, my shoulders, my stomach, my big... well, we'll just suffice it to say, big man all around. (I kid, I kid!)

First thing's first, if you're worried about your arms, you need to draw attention away from them. Sleeves for example, but you can go with some attractive 3/4 sleeves. Also, a good way to deal with arms and broad shoulders is learning to walk like a woman, with your shoulders thrown back. Also, learn how women move their bodies, from the hips vs the shoulders, as I recall.

There are a thousand tips out there, but makeup, walking, and some other subtle mannerisms do more than looks. Practice those, then work on clothing.

Where do you live? If you live in a city that is at all GLBT friendly, you won't have much of a problem. Typically, you're best off going to places like second hand stores because few of them have an issue with you trying on tons of clothes and not buying anything. That way you get a feel for what is what.

Not all of these tips may be 100% accurate, but it's way better than nothing, and you get something to start with.

[jruiz]

Pictures help. There are some ladies here who have some extensive experience in helping to hide masculine features. If you haven't tried yet, I'd recommend trying some makeup. Get a gf or female friend/relative to help you with makeup. I think you'd find it's not nearly as bad as you think. Once I put on makeup with my gf's help, I found that my face is a lot rounder than I thought and since I have big blue eyes, they really pop with some mascara and eyeliner.

"My crush with eyeliner..."

Well, the concerns I expressed before have to do with my body.

With my face it's even worst

My 5 o'clock shadow shows at 10am. I had professional transformation makeup once. It freaked me out a bit because I looked too alike my sister, but I still could recognize myself (not a great disguise).

When (if) I go out, my strategy with my face will be to cover the most (sunglasses, wig styling), while trying to use the best beard concealer/foundation available to smooth the face.

[kristinacd55]

Anytime I've taken pics of myself, there's disappointment. Perhaps if I went to a makeover place, that may change!

[kathrynjanos]

My 5 o'clock shadow shows at 10am. I had professional transformation makeup once. It freaked me out a bit because I looked too alike my sister, but I still could recognize myself (not a great disguise).

You could try facial waxing. I've never done it, but that should give you at least two days of smooth face, and it'll come back much finer.

With the professional transformation though, I think you're going to recognize yourself, as would anyone who "expects" you. But for those who don't, like people on the street, it's a different story.

[TSchapes]

I know on another thread, people have issues with RuPaul's Drag Race program, but this thread brings it to mind.

The last episode aired, the drag queens had to dress women that were very masculine, they were all marshal artists of some sort, and they themselves said they didn't care for the girly stuff.

You should have seen the results! Wow, it can be done, there are lots of tricks. Dark colors on top with light colors below to minimize the shoulders, etc. I wouldn't let little things like what you mentioned get in the way. If you get a chance to see this episode, it may be inspiring.

-Tracy

[KimberlyS]

You only need to fit one place. Yourself.

Count me in the middle of being feminine and masculine. As along as I can remember I have always been in the middle both physically and mentally. I have just learned to accept it over time. Screw the masculine male and feminine female stereotypes.

I am a male with many masculine and feminine attributes and physical characteristics. And I like to clothe myself in both masculine and feminine clothes.

kim
gender rebel

[MJ]

Yesterday, I was taking some pictures of myself dresses to post them in the pictures gallery. When I saw the pictures, I was so disappointed by the looks.

Arms too masculine (although I was covering them), my hands, my torso (too broad on the top)... I just decided to erase the pictures and not upload them. I didn't feel happy about that.

I'm short (between 5'6 and 5'7), slim (150 lbs, 11% body fat).

I just feel I don't fit in either mode. Maybe it's all in my head. Have you ever had the same feeling? How do you deal with it?

Give me a break . I'm 5'8 fat (245 lbs more body fat than moby dick )

And I'm full time... and i thought my self esteem was low :brolleyes:
just do have fun and if your not happy with your look then change them thats the right of passage girls have ...

[Billijo49504]

I think you should do as I tell a lot a people, go to the grocery store or the mall, to see all the different body types of GG there are. Trust me, they all aren't 5'6" 110 lbs and 36 24 36. If they were, stores like Lane Bryant wouldn't exist...BJ

[kathrynjanos]

Kimberly, that's all well and good, but some people aren't happy with that. Why is it that everyone has to be sunshine and roses, thinking that if you accept yourself, how can anyone else not accept you?

"If god is with us, who can be against us?"

If that works for you, that's fine, I do respect that. Don't take it the wrong way.

What I am saying and what I mean is that some people, myself included, no less than perfection is acceptable. I don't mean that we need to pass until the clothes come off, necessarily, but we want to be the best we can be.

But why does everyone assume that because they are happy with whatever they can do within reason, that everyone else just needs to find that? It doesn't work for everyone. I'm not saying you can't find your happy place, but that's far from the same for everyone, as you know. For some, that's fitting for others' point of view, too.

[tamarav]

[SIZE=4]I think every single girl on this forum can relate to your comments on not looking like a girl or seeing your male parts show through. I do a fair number of makeovers and find that even when I do different techniques than my client uses, I still see what they don't see and they see themselves so much better than when they do their own makeup.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]It is all in the eyes of the beholder. When I look at my pictures, and I take a boat load of them, I always see the things that I wish I could hide or minimize. When you are talking to a car guy about his or her car and the first thing they say is, "its really dirty right now, or I need to do this or that". When the car looks like you could eat off of it and you would die to have one like it. See any similarities? [/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]We are our own worst critics, just like women. I hear these statements everyday from gorgeous women who just complain about having too flabby arms, or hair not thick enough, or being too tall or too short or too skinny (OK not that one usually) but you get the idea. I have a stunning client (and I have a really good eye for beauty, just like you!) and she is always wanting to look better. I told her once that 99.99% of the guys out there would drop to their knees at any request she made of them and she started crying. Sheesh. We are just as bad. We don't recognize that even though we are unique, we are still doing a better job than most, and a lot of women.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]So, lighten up on yourself. Look for the good parts rather than the things you think are obviously bad. Or, get your eyes checked...[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Your flawed sis,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Tami [/SIZE]

[beenherelongtime]

as someone once told me, "if we put everybodys troubles in a basket and then had to choose, we would pick our own back out". i would love to have your problem as my dressing could have been enhanced many years ago.

[Lorileah]

what Tamara said

I just don't show the pictures that make me masculine.

But as I have said before, most of us would not pass close inspection anyway. If you dress anytime after puberty (but before the late golden years) you will have male traits. You can't fight build after things are set. Your shoulders are there, you might get hips but your pelvis won't be the reason (fat distributes in certain places), your hands won't get thinner. So we use smoke and mirrors. Show off your best feature and play down your flaws (been said a hundred times before). I like my legs so heels and short skirts draw attention from my shoulders. I make the shoulders balance with a corset to make my waist thinner and hip pads ( I really need a butt though). We are all magicians in some manner. Distraction and being able to get people to see what they WANT to see.

As the wizard said "pay no attention to the man behind the curtain" In this case pay no attention to the man under the dress.

[TxKimberly]

. . . Kim: you don't look masculine to me! Your pictures are awesome. . .

Bless you but . . .
I don't post all of my pics - just the ones that flatter me. lol

There are always going to be those that are prettier than we are and most of us are going to envy others. As an example, I'm not at all femme as compared to this Tgirl:
http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/GAISY7J3XYWGTD5OXM3L5J4LRU
I'll never come close to looking like she does, but oh well . . .
In the meantime, I'll continue trying to enjoy the cards I was dealt! ;-)

[Carly D.]

Dress the part.. I'm a guy.. I'm not going to look like a girl(in my eyes I never have and never will).. but if you dress to best that you can as fem as you can, then that's you.. it is in the eye of the beholder.. I have a few pictures that I look fem in.. but as I said I don't see a woman in my pictures of me dressed up, but rather I see me dressed in a dress or skirt heels and hose.. whatever.. I know you will be told by others that you will look good or even great as a female but the cold hard truth is you may never see it.. and I think there are others here that don't see a female in the mirror/pictures either..