If I'm supposed to represent, what do I say?

[aleshiabaum]

Stephanie - pleased to meetcha. it sounds like you were very fortunate to meet someone to love for that long. I have no doubt there are wonderful women in similar situations that would love to meet you. Some people are the marrying kind (I'm one of them.) I hope you have a wonderful next chapter in your life.

Samantha - pm on its way. Another artist, huh? Cool. We live in a great place, no?

Nathalie, Joann - well put.

Wise Busker is wise. That is the heart of it of course. Music is the most savage of mistresses. Complex music can be fascinating - or stuffy. Pop music can be exhilarating - or disposable. I want to be as direct as Tom Petty and as sublime as Leonard Cohen. I'm fascinated by Chopin's chord progressions, but know that I wasn't raised as a pianist, and my skills are lacking. And the music business is tough on you and your relationships. 9/11 caused so many cancellations that my band went into serious debt and overnight my income was cut in half, four months after my girlfriend moved across the country to live with me. Yadda, yadda, right? I've got it easier than many people on this planet, and in the current economy I have nothing important to lose and no one but myself to be responsible for. I'm free to go anywhere. But freedom doesn't mean a lot without a cause. Love seems to lead to heartache, and music isn't that important anymore - just another entertainment choice. I'm only sure of the people I love and the music and books and films that make me feel something still. But it's absurd to feel too sorry for myself having nothing but time to do whatever I like, never missing a meal, just because I'm not a rock star with an indie rock supermodel girlfriend. I never fail to notice the people holding up signs at the exit ramps. They are the ones who are adrift. I'm just someone who
got lucky enough to live my dreams for a few years...more than a lot of people get.
Something will come along. In the meantime, I'm enjoying what's good about solitude...namely, not having my train of thought interrupted by someone who wants me to take out the trash! (I'm taking a break from watching Fight Club for the first time since it came out...a great film for anyone sick of the mainstream...funny how synchronicity happens. I swear to God,
on my way to my makeover I turned on the radio and Lou Reed's Take a Walk on the Wild Side came on. Too much.

I've been asked not to get too graphic about 'who I'm trying to attract as Aleshia' on this forum. It's people in the artistic kinky lifestyle. Women and TG's. I'm newly curious about serving a woman dressed as one...possibly in public. These people are so free, so unashamed. I want to find out what they know. I really think getting to the place where I truly don't give a damn what anyone thinks would be tremendously helpful. But I'm not there yet.

Re: girls versus women. They're interchangeable terms to me. Didn't mean to cause confusion.

A final thought: who I ended up attracting the other night was bisexual women. It was the first time in five years that I've gone to a party and ended up kissing a beautiful stranger. I look at my avatar, and I see the kind of woman I'd like to be with. I'm not nearly that pretty in real life...I overexposed the photo in iPhoto to make me less recognizable, but it also makes me look a lot foxier than I am really.