First off you should have told her,you were bound to get caught sooner or later at least that part is over.
Educate her is the next step find all the info you can on GID.
The fat wife statement was very wrong.I'm sure she looks fine.
A womans body does change over the years and there are very beautiful large size women.
I'm sorry this happened and I hope you can work it all out.
Shoulda's-coulda's-woulda's all over the place in this posting be careful not to step in any of them!
If only we all knew what really goes on between two people. I've been married 3 times and the third time is and was the charm. It took me years of hiding who I was before I could begin a new way of being in a relationship by talking about my crossdressing. Even then it took several years (and $ debt) seeing a psychiatrist to insure my own personal sanity. Thank God I'm only a crossdresser!
I did what I needed to do for ME to be able to find a loving supportive relationship. Had I not done the personal work of self analysis I would not have been able to love both me and another person at the same time. Gee! it only took 40+ years of life-lessons to get there!
Here is my psycho-babble...
Our what-if's always rule our "monkey minds" so until you personally can calm those conversations down in your head it's challenging to follow your heart...
My only advice is to Talk, to Listen, to Ask for Clarity. Then ask if they have anything to say, Listen, Listen, Listen. Then ask yourself... How can I have compassion for their needs? Equally important is how can I ask for their compassion for my needs. Then wait, do nothing, sit with your "monkey minds" swinging from doubt to worry... then wait some more before you both make a kind and loving decision on how to move forward in life... together or individually ... just not in reverse.
Good Luck!
Last edited by Renee2Fun; 01-24-2010 at 02:00 AM.
[SIZE=3]Silly girl! Because it's fun... :fairy1: [/SIZE]
[SIZE="3"]I feel for you. Some ministers will be quite harsh on cding. Some, may be more liberal, and compassionate. I would be extremely humiliated if the church i have attended knew!!! Because cding is considered perversion. But "getting caught" cding, should not be more shameful, than getting "caught' stealing, adultery, porn, or other things.[/SIZE]
I think I'm going to duck and sit this one out.
Vicki
This not a scolding nor a guilt trip , it's all I can consider relative to what I've read so far .....
Seems theres an awful sense of anger in you . To be totally straight - what did you expect ? Both yourself and sister in law have been very deceitful after all . I bet you're wifes in bits . We all react when cornered , even if it's our own wrong doing .But in light of this maybe you should consider what you wish people to read in this time of hurt , before posting things on here in angst too ? It's not really dealing with the problem bringing up you're partners physical shape is it ? Spite and guilt is always a temptation to spread when we are hurting , our fight or flight reactions alerted but it's not productive is it ? I hope what you've read has'nt offended you ...but it is certainly the truth is'nt it ? We can certainly at times be rather blinkered and selfish as people , (and this'll prolly go down like a lead balloon -and I'm not directing this at you ) but SOME crossdressers are far more selfish and self centred than most sheltered by they're own sanctuary and ignorance of the enjoyment in the act of crossdressing . We all need to see that . Perhaps if you could put yourself in her shoes then things would be a little clearer , most people on here ( I don't mean to patronise I'm not in the delicate situation you are ) can see , or at least imagine both of you're situations and points of view. You both need help . Maybe the church in a moment of confession and compassionate councelling could help you . I am not religious , but we all need someone to talk to . Perhaps you should let the dust settle , if it were me I'd go see you're minister together , be totally honest ,ask for confidetiality then inform you're wife that you may wish to take a break from it all ? It's only my pennies worth , but perhaps you both need time out apart from each other alone to truely discover how you feel . I think you both must at least let things calm down , before moving on ?
Time to think of each other .
Good luck
Last edited by Shelly67; 01-24-2010 at 06:10 AM.
I think I have an idea. She's using the church as a weapon. Something the church itself frowns upon.Originally Posted by Kimmy55
But we really don't know what the pastor is going to say until you've seen him. After all, you've known him for a while.
I wasn't going to post for a number of reasons, I'm fairly new, and everyone else had said what I was going to say.
Having said that, the part that really upset was when you said your wife is fat!
I'm sorry, but even if she was a size 90 that's not something you should say about your wife. My wife is not a classic 16 or under, but you know what? I wouldn't trade her for all the girls in the world that are smaller than her, or even get my dream of waking up one morning myself and being a girl. I love my wife regardless of size, it wasn't an issue when we got together, nor now.
Your wife had already seen you dressed, so why didn't you sit her down and find out some boundaries that could of worked, like not in the same suburb, or whatever. Also I feel for your wife as she probably found out through her sister, imagine the betrayal that she's feeling if her own sister knows more than her.
I think some couples therapy is the way to go, I don't think purging will help, as eventually you will likely start getting more items, and because of this current experience you may try and hide it more..
I guess I'm really lucky that my wife supports me, even though I've only gone out once, it was with my wife's blessings.
Therapy, and really you shouldn't have to talk to the minister unless you want to, but if he's also a friend, then maybe it's a good place, especially if you are working towards keeping the relationship with your wife.
Either way, good luck, you've got nothing to lose by trying counselling with your wife.
Save the internet - use recycled pixels
The Only Tag that is worth having is the one for the dress you're looking at buying - and even that's not always 100% correct
I'd like to say I'm sorry and offer hope. They clearly don't communicate. I have to agree with Staci - Karen needs to start looking for the purged items. And when they're found, start looking for a good divorce lawyer. I bet wifey already is...
Last edited by Tamara Croft; 01-24-2010 at 11:37 AM. Reason: no need for comments like that.
Personally, when My ex left, it was the happiest day of my life! Now, I could be ME!
Ok, My wife's weight has to with her eating way to much and improper foods. She has
had her weight down before, but now eats lots of comfort foods that are high in calories
but low in nutrition. I am deeply worried about her health, there is type 2 diabetes in her family. I offer to work with her, in very constructive ways. I have made a in home gym. I cook good well balanced meals, which she eats and then a bag of heath bars. She does workout, I offer to work with her, I already am working with my children,
teaching them correct techniques, I'm trying to make it a family thing we all do together.
thanks for all the comments,
Karen
Eating comfort foods often could be a sign of depression? Please talk to each other. I have had the best luck with thinking about what is about to come out of my mouth, rather than reactionary comments. Good luck to both of you. I loved my wife at a size 7 (age 17) size 22 (after two beautiful babies), and at size 16 now. She is a beautiful woman and always has been.
May the stars carry your sadness away,
May the flowers fill your heart with beauty,
May hope forever wipe away your tears,
And, above all, may silence make you strong.
Chief Dan George
Well my original post was deleted from this thread - and for good reason. My apologies if any of you read it. This kind of thing makes me VERY upset - that people treat each other like this.
Best of luck and I hope you and your wife work things out.
Crysten
"Addicted to Victoria's Secret".
I'm sorry folks but I am having a very hard time taking this post seriously. With all due respect, if this did indeed happen and with all the other posts you have put up, I think you should start seeing a counselor ESPECIALLY if you have kids. If not...this forum is not a place for acting out fantasy scenarios. If I am offending you or anyone, I am sorry, but the post just doesn't ring true.
Now that you mention it - it does sound kind of suspicious, doesn't it. Wife not in the know (or totally unsupportive) and yet, you find A LOT of time to spend with your sister-in-law (must be a lot of time if she's helping with makeup etc)? And are going out shopping fully dressed? There's a lot of holes in this story. Not sure I believe it either. If this is true, well, I guess you had it coming.
Crysten
"Addicted to Victoria's Secret".
Bit of an ego there eh? I could be really nasty, but I won't, not like you are about your wife!
I actually was feeling quite sorry you were going through all that until I read this :Angry3: Who the hell do you think you are coming here slamming your wife like that? Maybe she is sick and tired of being the way she is and maybe she doesn't want to do anything about it, because you make her feel like something you've scraped off your shoe!!! You aren't narcissistic, you're an ass, pure and simple. IMHO, what your wife did to do you, made you feel so low you threw all your stuff away, you've probably been doing to her for a long time about her weight
I've read some of your other 'stories'... (threads)... I'm calling :BS:
As for this comment, pretty sure you've made so many friends here now :Angry3: What a nasty thing to say.
Last edited by Tamara Croft; 01-24-2010 at 11:33 AM.
Administrator
Missing my Libra babe Sherlyn, I hope she's rocking up there with the angels
Missing our Rianna, doesn't seem right, gone to early, hope she's partying with Sherlyn
Yeah, I'm getting pretty sick of reading GF bashing. The icing on the cake is when it's topped with woe-is-me purposes.
"My wife is fat and disgusting. Nobody in their right mind would want her. I look way better than her en femme. Why oh why doesn't she accept me?"
Current theme song: I Think I Love You
Milhouse Van Houten + Dale Gribble + My Chemical Romance + Lars Lindstrom + Tweek = :Ze:
Renee, thank you for two bright spots in an otherwise just hateful situation all around.[B][I]
Thank God I'm only a crossdresser!
...you both make a kind and loving decision on how to move forward in life... together or individually ... just not in reverse.
Karen, I hope you, your wife and the rest of your family can do just as Renee has suggested.
"You are not an accident, nor are you malfunctioning. You are performing EXACTLY as coded." For many "Man in a Dress" is the worst atrocity commit-able; for me it's just reality. Click to Learn About Me. Click to Complain About Me! There is a fine line between brutal honesty and honest brutality. It is rarely in the same place for the sender and the receiver.
Go on girl - you say it like it is !!!Bit of an ego there eh? I could be really nasty, but I won't, not like you are about your wife!
I actually was feeling quite sorry you were going through all that until I read this :Angry3: Who the hell do you think you are coming here slamming your wife like that? Maybe she is sick and tired of being the way she is and maybe she doesn't want to do anything about it, because you make her feel like something you've scraped off your shoe!!! You aren't narcissistic, you're an ass, pure and simple. IMHO, what your wife did to do you, made you feel so low you threw all your stuff away, you've probably been doing to her for a long time about her weight
I've read some of your other 'stories'... (threads)... I'm calling :BS:
As for this comment, pretty sure you've made so many friends here now :Angry3: What a nasty thing to say.
Love is not a measure of a person's size... it's a measure of their heart. The OP is measuring the wrong thing.
Fulltime girl on the inside.
Lipstick=confidence
[SIZE=4]Holly[/SIZE]
Karen,
Today is the first time that I have read your post and all the responses. I am a little surprised at the admonishing and lack of compassion from this forum.
I feel for you. It is not our place to judge you. It is extremely unfortunate that your wife decided to embarrase you by moving the car as well as spilling the beans to the clergy. I'm sure that you are scared to death. Hopefully, the clergy will be professional and not broadcast your cding to the public.
Right now you have one primary subject to address - I'm assuming that you do not want to dissolve the marriage. Hopefully after your wife calms down a little, she will be ready to look at this with an open mind and forgive you and for you to forgive her for outing you. I'm not saying that what you did was wrong but in her mind, something is certainly wrong. All I can say is good luck and let us know how this all comes out.
SheriM
the only thing im seeing wrong about all this, to my understanding u were already dressing and going out and about so that wasnt the big issue the big issue was that your wife didnt know, well when u were on the phone dont u think she saw u if u saw her, so why did u strip it all off and throw it away she already seen u, plus if she went to the church it would seem like shes playing tatletale instead of talking to u first, any how you made the mistake of not telling her first as to being rude about her weight well i think u got some butt kissin to do and suck it up its part of u just like her weight is part of her
Really? He comes here calling his wife overweight and that he looks better than her... but you want some of us to show thesome compassion? give me a freaking break :Angry3: You are only hearing one side of the argument and the wife 'does' know had you read any of the other posts, but doesn't like it. That doesn't give him the right to come here and slag off the wife... and yes I say 'him', because only a jerk like that would be so nasty about their wife!
Administrator
Missing my Libra babe Sherlyn, I hope she's rocking up there with the angels
Missing our Rianna, doesn't seem right, gone to early, hope she's partying with Sherlyn
If there are not kids involved and no property or huge bills to split, I say get out of the marriage while it will still be easiest. Someone said you are 21. I doubt you guys have anything you could really fight for in court so you can't lose much if anything. Even if it means having to cut some losses, get out now. If your wife is putting on weight, it probably won't stop at 15 extra pounds.
Plus, the bigger problem, if she is gonna act like this about you being TG, she isn't gonna start accepting, she will be wanting to put up boundries, and of course you will get insultedover it each time a fight starts.
And listen, for telling people you are TG, don't ever think people will not gossip. The only ones who would keep that a secret are other TGs and that is cause they are either in the closet or they are full time TS who have miraculously forgotten they are still genetically male and once lived as men.
Nether category of TG wants to be outed.
Well, anytime on this forum that a GG gets bashed in any ways shape or form, people are gonna freak out.
See as a general rule, it is OK for a TG to be given a hard time but we are not suppose to do it back. :brolleyes:
People think I have it in for GG's, not the case. I will say this - I would trust a GG faster than some TG. You would not believe how often some of the TG here will pounce on their own TG sisters.
Last edited by Tamara Croft; 01-24-2010 at 01:22 PM. Reason: you're wrong.. and I know exactly who you mean!
It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.
Take it easy Tamera,
This gurl is in a world of hurt right now. His life could be turned upside down to the point he could have to move to another town/state. I really feel for his/her situation. Maybe a little more tact could have been used but I think that he was trying to be open, I think he was groping for answers while posting. If I read between the lines, he loves his wife.
Sheri
I would have had all the sympathy in the world for this person had he not ended it with slagging off the wife and letting us know how much more beautiful as a woman he is than her... so bite me
Administrator
Missing my Libra babe Sherlyn, I hope she's rocking up there with the angels
Missing our Rianna, doesn't seem right, gone to early, hope she's partying with Sherlyn
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