Quote Originally Posted by Georgi View Post

I agree with the several posters who say I've done nothing wrong, that this is not a disease. But at this point, standing up for a principle will certainly cost me my marriage while compromising by discarding my fetish (and it is a fetish, not a lifestyle) at least gives me a chance to save it.

Joint counseling is indeed my goal. I've promised to see a counselor to help me maintain my giving up of cd'ing. My hope is that I can convince my wife that she can benefit from going to see the counselor with me. So far she's resisted what I think has been gentle pushing (someone thought I was being immature for pushing her too hard I think), her general thought is that this is my problem, why should she have to do anything.

Georgi
This is why all of this concerns me. You agree that you have done nothing wrong and yet you also acknowledge that she feels that it is your problem, not hers and that she wants you to go and get cured. How can you be cured when you are not sick? That makes no sense.

CDing is not a disease. A relationship is about two people working together. In as much as I can totally get why it is that you want to save your marriage because I went through this as well, I am really concerned with these types of statements.

You can say that CDing is not that important, that your relationship is more valuable to you and I totally understand that. You can say that CDing is something that does not need to be a lifestyle but is a fetish instead and you can not do it and I can accept and wish you the best on controlling your urges.

The thing that I cannot accept and it has taken me a long time to learn this is that a person can learn something new about you and then basically hold you hostage forcing you to "cure yourself" or the relationship ends. That is not the way functional relationships work. This is not your problem, it is not even a problem at all.

The real problem is not the CDing, it is the unwillingness of your wife to be open to the idea that there are aspects of you that she may not like but, out of her love for you, should be willing to try and understand.

You see this is the challenge that I found myself in, my ex professed to love me and yet held me hostage too. It was cure myself or leave. She would not try and understand, she would not try and meet me half way. It was her way or the highway. For 10 years I tried to do it her way but in the end it was more than I could handle, not because of the cross dressing but because I had this odd belief that if someone loved you they would do their best to understand you and that even if they did not want to be a part of some aspect of who you were that they at least acknowledged that it was a part of your being. That is what for better or for worse encompasses.

I was devastated and dis-illusioned and I loved my wife dearly and just could not understand why she would not even try, that it always had to be her way, that I had to be cured when I did not actually have an illness. What I learned was that I did not value myself enough, that I was so afraid to be alone that I was prepared to do anything, but in the end I was unhappy and resentful.

I know that it is your life and your decision but a red flag goes up for me here, a big red flag and while you may not see it now I suspect that in years to come you will look back on this moment and realize what you cannot see right now - someone who loves you, who truelly loves you - does not force you down the path that she is pushing you down - this is tantamount to her using whatever means she has to bully you into doing what she wants. Deny it until you are blue in the face but that is what is happening here.

Melissa