we do not remember days, we remember moments. Cesar somebody said that (and I don't want to go to google forget what I was going to say...yadayada). And the moment get sweeter because we tend to suppress the bad times (look at all the good old days stories).
Georgi, time will smooth it out and apparently your spouse has decided that a little you is better than none at all. Who knows maybe she will start taking larger bites.
Your story of this not being a big thing 30 years ago rings true for most here I am sure. Almost every one has said "I got this" and they carry it around. My memory of 35 years ago was that the fashions were androgynous, I was skinny so they fit and life was wonderful. Long hair, jewelry, fitted clothing made of smooth shiny fabrics. It was CD heaven without having to be CD. That and the whole acceptance (ay least in my circle) of alternative lifestyles was high. Then came the 80's and men started wearing....uuuuugh...ugly loose unkempt wrinkled clothing (so did I ...fashion **** I am) then the fashions got worse but I still held onto the short shorts and nylon underwear and other things. My wife knew what I liked to wear so there really wasn't any official coming out. We had silently agreed while dating and early marriage. This morphed into more female specific clothing as the male copy went away and it was a smooth transition.
Point is that it isn't your wife who fought this for 30 years and I believe you even said you fought it. How would it have been if you had subtly done this instead of the big "Surprise!" letter. As you pointed out I am one to tell. Any person I will be involved with from now on will know early. And it can be a big bomb early because the investment isn't high. Hind sight and all, this may have worked better for you to ease in. There is a person here on these boards I am trying to convince that slow and steady is often the answer over plowing ahead. At least you are the icon for that right now. Would you suggest that someone in your position A) not tell at all? B) come clean in one major coup or C) take it slower?
There are hundreds of posts all over the place now and the "older" CD has more information from all our suggestions and mistakes. There isn't a one size answer (except you really need to tell as soon as possible for both sakes) but when is ASAP?
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I certainly hope things work out for you and it seems that as of right now she is willing to slowly return. It will never be the same. I hope it will be better than before with you being able to talk about every thing.
As to another post here. Yes you need "you " time and she needs "her" time and you don't have to discuss everything especially little things that you do during "your" time. But dressing is a BIG thing. And unless you both have decided it is something you both will gloss over, you should tell IMHO especially if you are out and in public. It would be far worse for her to hear about your "hobby" from someone else. That really ramps up the "it is a lie" part.
