Time is working its magic, but before I go into that I want to supply some comments regarding some of the posts about 30-year marriages, false pretenses, etc.

Yes, my wife and I have been married for over 30 years, and yes these crossdressing tendencies have been around to one extent or another my entire life. Like many others I felt they were abnormal, even perverted and should be made to go away if at all possible until just the last several years. (I only discovered cd support on the internet just over a year ago.) When I got married, I was not actively cd'ing at all and really did not think about it much. I suppose if I even did think about it I probably thought now that I would get sex on a regular basis (hold any snickering on that one) that even those impulses would vanish forever. So it would cease to be an issue and need never be discussed. The few times the urges bubbled up mildly over the decades since it was easily suppressed again, so it seemed again something that could be put away permanently. I read the comment somewhere about taking the secret to the grave, and that's exactly what I had intended to do.

Only in the last 36 months has the cd'ing come on full stage and stayed (with several purge and denial cycles) such that I finally decided it was something I had to talk about. So there really has not been a 30 year history of constant coverup, even though the latent tendency was there since childhood. So, psychologists of the bunch, have a go at that.

So do my wife and I have a marriage based on lies and deceit? Do we know each other inside and out? Actually I knew her better than I wanted to admit, and I 'gave in to the dark side' when I went with the tell her crowd. My previous postings had railed for nearly a year about how my wife could never handle knowing about my cd'ing, but somehow I convinced myself that with love and patience I could overcome that and we would have a stronger marriage after I told her the truth. Who knows, maybe we will a year from now - I guess I'll know next summer.

On with the news. Without going into details, the last two nights I've been the happy recipient of 2AM booty calls after more than a month of abstinence. Her doing, not mine. I've told her from the blowup that the ball is in her court and I'm waiting for her to make any moves. Funny thing is, the morning after the first one she apologized to me and said, "I'm sorry I used you, I just needed you for the sex." I told her that was fine, please use me any time she wanted. Her comment was that in the dark she doesn't have to think about anything like she does when she can actually see me.

Daytime physical contact is still about the same, but we're talking a bit more freely and without quite so much anguish. I know this isn't the end and there's still a lot of miles to go, but it does seem to be the beginning of a new day. And we still haven't even gotten her to her first counseling session which is still a couple of weeks away if it doesn't get moved.

Thanks to all for your support,
Georgi