Your post is on the mark in many ways. I will add that many women that do accept their SO's need or desire to dress, accept it solely out of love for their partner. No, they would have never sought out a CD, but love is a strong emotion that allows us to accept things we otherwise would never allow in our lives. It's easy to fall in love and usually very difficult to fall out of love. Even with the revelation that a GG's partner is transgendered, she will hang in there and fight through the pain, fears and questions this new discovery presents.
It's a no brainer, the woman is/was attracted to a man, not a man that likes to dress and act feminine. I fully understand how this can hurt her, scare her and turn her off. I have nothing but empathy for any woman that is faced with her SO coming out to her. She has every reason and right to be upset and yes, even unreasonable and hurtful with her SO initially. I can't blame her. To those women, this is earth shattering news. Most women have no idea about the psychological reasons for a man that engages in crossdressing. The only thing she has to go on is what she may have seen on TV or read in the newspaper. Usually it's all negative news; Like a crossdressed bank robber, murderer, rapist or a guy that steals panties and bras off a clothesline. It's worse when she makes the discovery on her own as opposed to his telling her in a gentle way. I'm sure it's easier for her to accept if she is told early on in the relationship before she views it as a lie by omission or thoughts of what else is he not telling me. That has got to be the hardest for a woman to deal with.
It goes without saying, her acceptance has got a lot to do with the strength of the relationship on the everyday issues and general happiness with the relationship. It most certainly can go bad if other issues are present. Like his drinking to much, not calling or coming home on time....or general lack of consideration and affection toward her. It sure won't be easy if the marriage is going bad to begin with.
Add that many men are very poor communicators and fear opening up to their SO.
It is my opinion that many women can and will accept her husband's need to dress IF their is a strong foundation of trust, respect, intimacy, and most of all...LOVE.
If there are other issues in the marriage, a spouses finding out most definitely only compound the other issues.