You hit the key word in your second-to-last sentence: label. That's what most of this long, interesting thread has been about. Some begin with anatomy and draw simplistic conclusions from that alone. Others begin with brain gender and its myriad manifestations, and arrive at different conclusions. Your experience is hardly atypical, other than adult-onset CD. Blanchard's TS work implies that bi-CDs have no real interest in their male partners as people and friends, solely and selfishly relating to the penis as if it wasn't connected to a sentient human being. Many of us know that's nonsense, because we've had contrary experience and know that we weren't the only ones. Viewing it as a type of multiple-personality disorder ignores the severe clinical definition of that condition, as well as the fact that we're perfectly conscious of our male manifestations while working the other side of the aisle. Saying that all male-male contact is homosexual, and that's it, disregards the striking similarities between straight porn (the only chance most of us have to observe sexuality fully expressed by others) and TS/TG/CD porn, and the dissimilarities between those genres and gay porn. Overlap, yes, but dissimilar.
Like you, I know, like, admire, and enjoy a number of gay people, but, much as I may love some of them, I also know that that's not who I am. I certainly could have explored being gay, but I was never the least motivated in boy mode to go down that road. In girl mode, it's been, "Why not", and acting on it came naturally. That's the difference. It's not that we're gay-but-in-denial-and-dressing-up-makes-it-OK. It's that what we are is something different from gay man. Labels again...