Transgenders who are not Full Time

[Plasibeau]

Every group of people has these problems. Even gays can be told they might not be gay enough.

Let us remember that beyond the top of the T--Ladder is a whole 'nother group of transsexuals who don't and never truly called themselves transsexual in the first place and abhor anyone who doesn't completely transition as quickly as possible and go stealthier than a ballistic submarine.

It's a perfectly disgusting, but so far proven natural function of societies as a whole, so long as there are people who say "I'm different." There will always be someone who says; "I'm more different than you."

/rant

[susan54]

We are all different. If we claim that some types of TS/CD/etc are better than others we descend into the redneck zone. I spend 95% of my free time dressed 100% in women's clothes, including bra and breast forms, but I only wear a wig and make-up to go out. When I go out, I go shopping, get my toes done, or stay in hotels. I do not regard myself as transgendered. My gender is male, and I am happy to be a male. In my work time and some personal time, I am masculine, though almost always wearing [rather plain] panties. I am a gender tourist. I am no more transgender than an actor in a play is his/her character. When I go out, my poise, movements, clothes, voice, smell, are feminine, but it is all an act, for FUN. I am not a member of any transgender community and I don't need help. I like where I am and it works. It works for me, and if anyone else has a problem, tough. It doesn't turn me on, and even some women have a problem with this - they don't believe me. Do their clothes turn them on? But they do get a buzz from a good outfit? So do I. Let us all be tolerant and accepting of the whole range of variation, as long as no one hurts anyone else.

[Annaliese2010]

There are two very distinct personalities in me, though only one manifests at any givin time. 'He' is usually on top while I am in 'sleep mode'. When time & place are ripe, we transition, trade places if you will, where I am free to fully-express MY personality, tastes, thinking & behavior as he fades to background. We are comfortable with this arrangement and neither of us struggle for 'full dominance'. It's mutually beneficial for us to retain our individualty and respect each others independence. It would be impossible for us to integrate as one. We're both strong willed & determined but very different in too many other ways. But.. I admit, I wish I had a little more 'out time' than is currently the case. For practical reasons I guess He's the rule & I'm the exception.*sigh...*

[TxCassie]

I don't really believe in the part time transgendered.
Trans people have taken a lot of lumps being in the world and living their lives while making some progress.
Going to the mall twice a month is not living. Going to work, court, DMV, doctor, social things, BBQ's, neigherhood council meetings, is living.
Those are the things you have to do day to day. People see the small progress other people have made with
blood sweat and tears while they were hiding and doing nothing because of a laundry list of excuses and shed the closeted CD name. Now I'm "part time transgendered".
Everytime its not comfortable you have the shelter of running back to the normal male life, doing it the easy way and saying "I'm not playing today".

No. not buying it.

Yes, this is exactly what I was referring to... I don't get it. I didn't know because I donned female attire, I surrendered my male gender, personality, and soul. It's either or. If this is the argument, I can understand my fear of it, the stigma, and the guilt. I also understand why any young person would be terrified to attempt to dress and suppressed their feelings. I guess it would be better to ignore the feelings for at least the person will know what he/she is, instead of exploring the possibilities.

I don't know, I just don't buy it.

Cassie

[ArleneRaquel]

If I wasn't widowed & retired I would not likely live as a female.

[NathalieX66]

I'll decide if i want to go full time when I reach retirement in 20 years from now.
I'm pretty cool where I am now. I go anyplace/anytime as a girl. .....Just not all the time.

[ReineD]

Five friends are sitting together, enjoying tea. One takes it with milk and sugar, one with just milk, one with just sugar, one with lemon, and one drinks it black. Is any one friend better than the other for her choice? Is the woman who drinks black tea more of a connoisseur than the others? Can you say that the woman who takes it with milk and sugar is not a "real" tea drinker since she masks the taste too much? And what about the lemon tea drinker? What's up with that?

Now, if the woman who takes it with milk really wants sugar but she doesn't use any because she's watching her waistline (and therefore does not enjoy her tea at all), then she experiences internal conflict. That's a whole 'nother story. But, assuming that each woman drinks her tea based on her own personal preferences, I'd say that not one choice is more valid or more important than the other. I can't see the lemon drinker feeling sorry for the milk tea drinker. I can't see the sugar tea drinker or the black tea drinker feeling superior to the milk & sugar tea drinker. Or vice versa.

I guess these women all fundamentally understand that they all enjoy drinking tea.

lol. The premise of this thread belongs in the sandbox with five year olds.

[Miranda-E]

lol. The premise of this thread belongs in the sandbox with five year olds.

I agree totally
If the OP wants real answers and perspective on this from people that have worked with the young transgender people she worries about, ask this in the transgender subforum.

[ReineD]

I agree totally
If the OP wants real answers and perspective on this from people that have worked with the young transgender people she worries about, ask this in the transgender subforum.

Um, Miranda, technically this is also the "transgender" subforum for many people. some members whom the world call "CDs" (because they are not full time), call themselves "TG". And there are also some TSs who call themselves "TG". Everyone has their own personal definition of what "TG" means, to the exclusion of other people's definitions. :p

Gosh, even the word "transition" means different things to different people. I have a feeling the OP uses it to mean "living full time", which to a post-op TS, is not transitioning at all, not until after SRS.

Here's the thing: everyone is "TG", except perhaps each end of the bell curve: the pure fetishists and the stealth post-ops.

As to the OP, in all fairness I think her intentions are good. She is saying it is not fair for full-time "TGs" to feel superior to those who are not full time. Her mistake is in having a rather narrow definition of "TG" and also assuming that everyone has an equal desire to "transition" (live full time?). And Miranda, I think your own definitions are quite narrow as well, after having read your post #18. The members in this forum whose gender ID is mixed, lead just as full a life as you do, and they also have their own set of challenges in a world that doesn't accept much of trans-anything.

[arbon]

Some others have said it that I agree with - I to think it really comes down differences - a ts woman living full time, or who is transitioned and living a normal life as a woman, have a whole different deal going on then someone who identifies as a crossdresser or lives part time.

Sometimes I think is comes across as people acting more superior, but it is not really meant to be most of the time. It is just that the groups have different experiences and perspectives.

However, I believe it is those who cannot be full-time that need the most help.

I am curious as to what type of help you think they need from those living full time?

[Miranda-E]

I am curious as to what type of help you think they need from those living full time?

This is a very good question.

[Barbara Ella]

These topics are always mine traps. We all do what we can, and when we achieve the best we can get given the constraints (not a list of excuses, sorry, bad form there) than we have achieved the ultimate, and can be proud. If someone is progressing, but has not yet achieved the final position they desire, then they have nothing to talk about. They are merely progressing to the final position, just like nearly everyone else, and have no superior position anywhere. Sure, they may have done more things, but these things were in their capability. Those amongst us who have done things that were beyond their comfort zone, who then encountered hardship are to be respected, and placed on an equal plane for going beyond their capabilities and enduring. We are all in this boat together, just engaging at different levels. But each one of us is only capable of operating within our comfort level, moving ever toward the emotional peek of our own individual level.

Everyone who feels they have reached the peak of their comfort level should feel good about themselves. Not everyone's peak will be the same, but it is the peak, regardless of the restrictions.

Barbara

[Marie-Elise]

I live two very rich, very full lives.

Is there a "problem" with the "trans commmunity?" Do I care? My friends are my friends and that's all that matters to me.

My real problems? Despite living two active lives I can only have one "legal name," one "legal gender," one passport, and one driver's license.

Those are my real problems, not some phoney baloney good-time rock-'n-roll relationship with labels and the "trans community." Frankly, I'm too busy being a woman to be a "trans."
Persephone.

This is probably the most sensible thing I have read in this thread.

In my view, we all have some degree of transgenderism else we would not be wearing the other gender's clothing. Having said that, I think it's important for us to understand that, while this exists within us, it (and we) do not exist in a vacuum. We have friends, family, work and the rest of society that we have obligations to.

I love to dress and I would do it every day and go about the rest of my life if I could. But I have my wife, our child, my mother, my sister and my in-laws. I think wearing a dress around them would do nothing to add to our relationships and may in fact hurt those relationships. This, in turn, would hurt my wife and child's relationship with them. I am not willing to do that to satisfy my need to dress.

On the other hand, I can dress around my wife whenever I want. So, I watch movies with her, cook dinner, drink wine and play board games while I am dressed with her. I am grateful for this because she could have taken a DADT stance or left outright when I told her about this side of me.

I guess this is why the yinyang is so important to me and my wife (it is at the top of our wedding certificate that holdsvour wedding vows). Balance.

As a final thought: Define yourself and how you want to live your life. Don't worry about the labels. You only get to write one story in life. Make sure it is one in which you enjoy being the main character. Hopefully, it will be interesting enough that your story lives longer than you.

[Chardonnay Merlot]

"We are all in this boat together, just engaging at different levels."

Barbara, I like the way you put this. That's the way I feel.

I can understand Miranda's point...One of my best friends feels somewhat similarly, however something she would also say..."I'm just a person at the end of day trying to make my way as best I can."

"Everytime its not comfortable you have the shelter of running back to the normal male life, doing it the easy way and saying "I'm not playing today".

Is it really that simple? I disagree with that in my case.
The second I left my little flat presenting female...and my neighbors saw me, there was no "running back to the normal male life". Hell, when my dad confronted me holding my frilly victoria's secret knickers in his hand and I told him about it. Normalcy? Out the window, pal.
But then again, "normal" for me in the uniform I've been issued is very different for the majority in many ways. Thus, I expect some chaos.



I'm really new in terms of being "out" about all of this, thus I'm getting a daily education in what it all means. But I know I'm rather confused with all the labels and all the crossing cleavage within. In response I've decided the best I can do is just "do me" as the young folks say.

Yes, I am a crossdresser. I most likely won't ever opt to transition, but who knows what the future holds. If somebody had told me 5 years ago that this feminine side of my persona that has been with me since childhood would be openly manifested, I'd tell them they were crazy. If someone told me that the first person that would find out about this would be my father, my response would be "Oh God No!"... Well both have happened and it changed my life for the better....Even if it has made my a little less comfortable because of personal, and spiritual examination I am going through now.

Yes, I have the "option" to retreat if it gets "uncomfortable", but the $64,000 question, could I look myself in the mirror and do that given the people that I have embraced in my life since I've stepped forward?
When I got totally honest and open about being a CD and the thoughts and feelings, the first thing I did was find support and guidance. Thank God I found that and I found a support group that was embracing open, and less interested in splitting hairs and more interested in positively impacting and educating people, and as part of that embrace was a call to challenge to learn and be active, and its a challenge I've chosen to take on. It wasn't what I was expecting. I was expecting to be quiet and learn a great deal, but just kind of fade in the back...but when you are called to step forward..can you retreat with a straight face?
Could I retreat on people who are at many stages in the journey whom I consider friends and people who have looked to me and vice versa? If I did, that would be more uncomfortable, because I'm accountable to the person in the mirror ultimately.

For me, it boils down to the one thing we all have in common regardless of where we are on any scale or any metric -- humanity.

[Marleena]

There is not enough compassion in this world as it is. There is even less for transgendered people by the general public.

We are all here for support and friendship with others like us. I refuse to judge others because they are on a different place on the transgender scale than I am. We MTF's are in this together.

[NicoleScott]

Everytime its not comfortable you have the shelter of running back to the normal male life, doing it the easy way and saying "I'm not playing today".

"Part-time transgendered" doesn't make sense. Part-time dresser does, if appropriate.

Miranda, not all of us hide in the closet out of fear. Perhaps there are some who would live openly or full-time if they could, but can't for a variety of good reasons. And some others of us don't run back to the shelter of our normal male lives, we live there (and like it) but occasionally come out to enjoy a little girl time for our own personal reasons. As someone who enjoys the occasional dressup session in private, nobody can give me a good reason how coming out can benefit ME.

Reine, those five friends, they were Tea-girls, right?

[kimdl93]

I don't think there's a judgement involved. I think there is a difference in perceptions that leads occassionally to communications problems. Those who chose, or perhaps more accurately, feel compelled to go full time view thier situation somewhat differently from the occassionall CDr or those of us 'middle pathers' who present as female regularly as part of our daily lives, but also present as male when circumstances require.

[Lorileah]

*strapping on helmet and shoulder pads*

I have to sort of kinda agree with Miranda. You cannot be part time transgendered. You is or you ain't. Now the caveat. Transgendered to me in NOT Transsexual. TS's fall in there but CD's GQ's and a myriad of others do too. When your a Jet you're a Jet all the way. You cannot turn off being transgender. And that is as far as I agree with Miranda's post here.

Now presenting 24/7 as the opposite gender (and here again, there are the intersexed and chimera and other variations) is a different story. My hope is that when a person reaches what they consider the end of the journey, they are so happy that they think everyone else should have the same experience. But they do not think about the fact that there are many roads. Not everyone who is in the TS field wants or needs to go all the way. Doesn't make you any more or less a TS. I am (right now) happy where I am. I know who I am . It may change later. I may decide to move forward or to move back (actually nature is making some of those decisions for me).

I like the people here. I would say all the people here but there are a few who I will never see eye to eye with. I may disagree with some here also, they may disagree with me. I hope I have learned to take what they say with a little humility and know they are trying to help. Some not so much. I am sure there are those who would not miss me when I am gone. Yes, I am one of those who has a strong opinion on specific things and I grate on nerves. Read me or don't then. But as Eryn pointed out, we are all in the same boat. I would like that we didn't row against each other but it is a big boat and keeping in rhythm isn't always easy.

[Marleena]

I'm really hoping the original poster returns to this thread. I have a feeling it is being interpreted different than intended. I saw that it was posted by a TS woman and thought is was meant to mean TS women that are not living 24/7 for whatever reason. That's the way I saw it? The word transgender in there might be causing confusion or I interpreted wrong.

[kimdl93]

I suspect Marleena is correct, although I don't see a problem with a broader interpretation. TG is to my way of thinking a big tent that includes people who may CD occasionally, middle pathers who are living some portion of their lives as women, and TS , including those who have and have not transitioned....along with a multitude of variations in between. The question applies fairly well wherever one decides to partition the TG population.

[ReineD]

Reine, those five friends, they were Tea-girls, right?

LOL. Very good!
...