In forty two years of marriage, there never was a time I felt I had to explain, or apologize for, taking a day off at the last minute, without discussion it with anyone other than my employer, I certainly am going to wear whatever I feel like it at home, and alone. And if I want to run out in the middle of the day, I'm a grown up, I don't need anyones permission.
You may need to do this, but not unless I say so, and it must be kept in the bedroom only, and just lingerie, nothing more can be worn, did you marry the man, or adopt him? is he not a grown up.
You have said, there is no agreement, just what you though was an understanding. With you, it's bedroom play, and that's cool, but for him, it's a part of him. He needs to find himself, where does his feeling fit in to this. Just maybe you have driven him to this, because he is allowed no other outlet. Instead of laying down the law, try talking about it, see what his needs are, and what it takes to satisfy at least part of it. And then see if you can fit it into your life, if not, maybe your not right for each other, but if you hold on too tight, you will squeeze him to death! It's said if mommas's not happy, no one is, well it can also be said, if daddy's not happy, he won't stay around long.
It's not about what I want, it's not about what my partner wants, it's about what works for us as a couple, nothing else will work in the long run.
Tina B.