I'm still trying to figure things out, and I guess I will be for quite some time. The "Pink Fog" thing is so right though. For the first few months after I started CDing seriously I was so messed up with the high of it all I was actually wondering if I had serious gender identity issues! I finally decided "no silly you just have a fetish and like pretending to be a woman". I really don't want to be one full time. I think having sex with a few males showed me I was not gay and probably not even bi-sexual because I only liked certain aspects of being with a man.
I feel no attraction to men other than wanting them to fulfill my femm sides desires. My desires are sometimes when dressed to have sex like a woman. If I was not dressed no way could I do it, even though I could be en femm in my mind like I am now typing this. It does take being dressed to make the transformation complete.
It's really quite confusing because if I were to just throw on a wig and lipstick only I could not have sex with a man. I have to be fully dressed looking as good as I can possibly make myself look before I can go all the way. Almost like each step of getting dolled up is a ritual turning me into a physical woman merging her with the one in my head. I have to look in the mirror and see a woman, not a guy with a wig and lipstick on. Does this make any sense?
