Trying to accept that I am a transsexual

[steph1964]

Hi Steph,

Your story sounds much the same as mine and many others here. My wife and I just started the process today of moving into apartments after getting a contract to sell our dream home which we have lived in for over 3 years. We have been married for over 25 years now and it isn't easy as you already know.

Thank you for sharing with me while you are still going through such a difficult time. I feel for you and I know how difficult this must be after being married for so long.

You need to do what is best for you as you are becoming more depressed and worried about it. You might try the HRT and see if it will help with these feelings. Ultimately, I think you know what the solution is.

Thank you Jorja for your kind words, and yes I am afraid that I do know what the solution is, I am just having a difficult time accepting it.

Steph, very similar to my story as well.
The only thing I can add is that when I finally accepted it (after running away for 45+ years) I actually started to feel a bit better, which I really hope will be the same for you.

Whatever you decide, whatever path you take, you are not alone.

Thank you Lisa

It was like being born into a family that is inside the house but you sit outside and listen to the conversations trying to feel included because you know you are related but never participating.

Thank you, this statement really struck me.

I truly hope the best for you. I'm here if you need someone to talk with.

Thank you Ann for your comments and support.

But you still have to make sure you don't focus on that too much and blame it for all your depression. I've seen a lot of people who are depressed for plenty reasons and they have a lot of stuff to deal with in their life, but they decide it's all about their gender issues. And then when they transition and their life isn't magically fixed they freak out.

Thank you, I appreciate your comments and I have given this a lot of thought. I have an appointment with a tg friendly doctor this week, not for HRT, but to talk about maybe getting on anti-depressants to help me with this. I don’t want to get to the HRT yet, until I have exhausted all my options. Maybe I am just delaying the inevitable but I want to know that I tried everything else first.

This is the hardest thing I have ever decided to do, and I am only at the start of this journey, and I am frightened. However, I am getting to the point where I have to accept that I have no other real options. At this point, I am just buying time...Anna

Thank you Anna, I am also very frightened and I feel for what you are going through. In the beginning I was able to reassure my wife that things would work out, but I’m no longer able to do this while being honest.

I think it's called denial Steph. I questioned myself all of my life and even raised a family until it hit me again in later life. I was told I'm TS, I had to be told. My first reply was that I don't want to be TS! I still question it because I don't want SRS, how can that be, right? Well my GID told me the truth.

Yes, and I don’t want to be TS…I mean no offense to anyone here but this is the nicest group of people that I don’t want to have anything in common with.

Think of hemmoroids, it doesn't matter how you think about them, either you have them or not… Once acceptance of the honest truth is acquired, then decisions on what to do about it come into play…I looked back, with some scrutiny, at my childhood years, my teenage years, etc. and thought about it in a gender perspective. Wow, talk about giving me realizations I had been transgendered all my life.

I love the hemorrhoid comment, and I have been doing a lot of reflection over the last couple of months, and it is painfully clear once I looked for it.

If you love her more than you want to transition then the choice is clear but if you are holding back just cause someone else will not approve, it might be time to move on with your own life.

I wish it were that simple for me, because I can’t imagine my life without her, but I am also having a hard time continuing to live as a male. I would like to think I have control over this, and maybe I will get control over it, but right now I feel like I am being torn in two.